Thoughts, and a poem I wrote a while back

So earlier in the week (Monday), I was waking up super nauseous and sick to my stomach and occasionally puking. This would last until around 11am or 12 pm, however the more time goes on the less I'm dealing with this issue. The nausea is sill there somewhat, but not for long or very strong, kind of like its fading out. Now I have this stupid cold (sore throat, congested, etc). I was kind of hopeful earlier in the week that the sickness only lasting in the morning was a good sign, now that it seems to be fading away and I have a head cold that hope is pretty much not there. I have a test, but don't want the reality of that stupid negative sign staring me in the face. I'm so sick of my body playing mean nasty tricks on me =( Oh and another thing? Why do these stupid unmarried teenage girls get to have baby after baby and we cant?? I mean there babies aren't even 6 months old yet and they are pregnant again..what the heck??!!! Annndddd I'm sick of all this super healthy pregnant women or girls on my fb complaining about petty stuff. I'm really not trying to be so mean and bitter and hateful...I'm just at one of those points where I'm not very hopeful.

This is a poem I wrote earlier this year, Its been on my mind a lot this week.

I lie in bed each night envisioning you,
I endlessly ponder when will I obtain motherhood too?
It has been nearly four years since I have been trying
, I'm so disgusted with the anger, resentment and crying.
Wherever I go a girls bestowing their news,
I quietly ask myself, why can't I be in their shoes?
I'm sickened with all the disappointment, heartache and tears
it's so difficult when you've been aspiring for years.
They go on and on about the new child on the way, I silently sit back, a tear rolls down my check, I have nothing to say.
Night after night, day after day, test after test I continue to wait,
I try my best to not accept infertility as my horrific fate.
I lie apprehensive every night without any sleep, I yearn for you so exceedingly I begin to weep.
My child, I hope you come soon I continually pray,
Oh my unborn baby how I long for that day.
So my little one you may ask I how I cope,
the explanation to that is I forever have hope.
There will be a day when I'll hold you my baby,
Hopefully that day is soon, maybe just maybe?
Some miraculous moment there will be an end to this pain,
Oh when you arrive what a treasure I'll gain.
I can't wait for that time when I rock you to sleep,
My precious little one how I long for you to keep.
Even though your not yet here I have for you an abundance of love,
Until we meet, I'll continue to wait, my darling dove.