Wonder Wednesday: how to act when trying to become pregnant

Reader question: hey gals, when ttc, do you act any different or just continue your lifestyle until you get a positive?

Short answer: when trying to get pregnant, act pregnant from the moment Aunt Flo leaves til she comes back!

Long answer: you never know when you will get pregnant. Would you want to risk losing a baby because you went on a weekend bender with the girlfriends? The general rule of thumb that any "get pregnant" book will tell you is that if you are trying to get pregnant, cut out all anti baby things out of your lifestyle. That means if you are a chronic caffeine addict, cut it out. Caffeine can actually lower your chances of getting pregnant. Caffeine is really a drug. An evil addictive drug! Not good for your body when over consumed so if you must have that latte, make it ONE medium coffee a day and work on cutting that out since you really shouldn't consume caffeine pregnant. There are studies that it causes ADHD or something. Then everyone knows you shouldn't consume alcohol pregnant so that should be cut out as well. Alcohol has been linked to birth defects and birth defects could be fatal to babies. What if you get pregnant and you drank to much alcohol and it caused a birth defect? The first 4 weeks the neural tube forms. This is the most common birth defect associated with alcohol. If you don't have a strong baby then it could cause a miscarriage or preterm labor. Neural tube defects could cause either of those things to happen. So don't do it! 

Other things you want to avoid are lifting too much weight or crazy death defying stunts that you wouldn't do pregnant. Now for crazy things I want to do I try to schedule them when AF is in town or shortly after.  Same pretty much with drinking away sorrows of another month gone by. 

I am always optimistic that "this will be the month" so yes I cut all caffeine out of my diet at one point and pretty much don't really consume alcohol almost ever. Just in case. 

Special Guest Saturday: Candi

Sometimes love just isn't enough....

They say it is better to have loved and lost to never have loved at all.  I’m guessing whoever "they" is that thought they were so clever to say this never dealt with infertility or the loss that occurs when you lose a child.  I suppose that person has never gone from a place of extreme happiness to an all-time low.  And I suppose that person has never had to tell your husband who you have been ttc with for 12 years that you just experienced a chemical pregnancy aka miscarriage.  Some say it may be better to have loved and lost, but I disagree.  

We lost so much in that 5 minute phone call that we’ll never get back.  I never got to know what it feels like to feel our child(ren) grow inside me.  We never got to hear a heartbeat or wonder if we should buy pink or blue.  We never got to hold our child for the first time and count all their fingers and toes, wipe their tears, kiss their sweet head.  We never got to see a first step, hear a first word, bandage a boo-boo, mend a broken heart from their first love, celebrate a birthday or Christmas, shop for the prom, buy a first car, teach right from wrong, be proud at graduation, walk her down the aisle at her wedding or calm his nervous when he says he’s ready to propose.  We never got to see them rejoice when they purchase their first house or tell us they are pregnant and we will be grandparents.  We lost so much before we even had a chance to show our love.

We had only just found out we were pregnant 2 days prior but I already loved that baby with my whole heart and would have done anything to protect them.  We wanted that pregnancy more than anything in the world.  Our dreams were finally coming true and our prayers were answered.  I fell so deep in love with my baby(ies) the moment I heard “you’re pregnant” from my re’s office that my heart shattered in a million pieces when I was told it was over.  “This is some cruel joke” I remember saying.  2 months later and my heart still hurts from the loss.  After 12 years of ttc I had come to terms that I was part of the statistic of Infertility; part of the 7.3 million suffering daily.  I thought we had overcome infertility when we received our positive news.  I don’t know how to come to terms nor do I want to with the statistic of being part of the 20% of pregnancies that end in a miscarriage. Or become part of a group that has lost a baby to a chemical pregnancy which is so common almost 60% of first pregnancies that end like this.  We may never know the reason why our baby didn't survive.  I guess sometimes love just isn't enough to hold on to your miracle, no matter how much you try.   

All I have ever wanted was to be a mom; to have someone love me and depend on me; to give my husband a family.  It is an awful feeling when you find out that you can’t make your dreams a reality or when your reality is broken.  We have traveled the infertility road so long that I never thought there was anything that could hurt more.  Boy was I wrong!  We are now part of the group that has fought, won, loved and lost our miracle.  This pain hurts every day even when I try to push it away.  Just because I smile doesn’t mean I don’t ache.  Just because I laugh doesn’t mean I’m not crying inside.  Just because I love doesn’t mean my heart isn’t still broken.  We should be 3 months along right now.  Embracing all the changes, dealing with morning sickness, sneaking purchases of baby items when we still don’t know the sex(es).  I should be aggravating my husband with my cravings and needs.  However instead of everything we looked forward to, we are learning to survive and move on. 

We are currently on a break after this loss and another failed IUI.  We need some time for us and to prepare for another try.  We’ll try again one more time down the road because we don’t feel our time is done. I share all this with you not for you to feel sad or sorry for us, Lord knows I do that enough as it is, but to just keep the good thoughts, prayers and baby dust flowing our direction.  If you’re a mom or dad, hold your little one a bit tighter and be thankful for what you have.  Never take it for granted.  Love your miracles unconditionally because I know a group of at least 1,400 people out here suffering with infertility that would give it all to have that miracle. 

~*~*~I'm praying daily for every empty arm and broken heart.  ~*~*~

To follow Candi on her journey, please subscribe to her blog at

http://mylifedealingwithinfertility.blogspot.com/?m=1

Fertile/Infertile Fridays: A whole list of randomness

            Okay, to those who saw my emotional breakdown last night over yet ANOTHER pregnancy announcement, I am truly sorry. Some days or nights it gets to me more than others, last night was one of those nights. Perhaps its because she has had 3 different boyfriends in the last six months. Or perhaps its because I'm super hormonal and emotional...which brings me to my next topic.
            So I'm somewhat thinking since I decided to take this month off of the BC since I got it so late, I think even going off it for this month may have screwed up regulating my cycles already. The last couple months while I was on it, my periods ranged from 28 to 30 days. Although maybe its too soon to tell. Its only CD 32 so no need to freak out about I guess. Theres a very very very very very slimmer of hope that I have that this time could me that magical month...but...realistically I know not to think that. I'm just so worried about messing this all up (regulating my cycles) when I don't even want be on birth control in the first place. Maybe since my emotions are so out of whack its means AF will be here soon. Idk. I am really thinking about telling the doctor I don't want to do the BC anyways, but Im not sure. On one hand I feel like its pointless, on the other hand I see his point on wanting to try and regulate my cycles. Hopefully if I do the juicing like Steph suggested in the previous blog (Thanks Steph!), then maybe I will be able to at least get somewhere. That's another thing, this dieting and exercising has gone absolutely nowhere for me, in fact I'm GAINING weight. Ugh, so needless to say I think I need to try a different approach. So, I am really thankful for Steph's advice and suggestions. Thanks so much!
           Okay, so maybe this next topic will make some people angry and I'm really sorry if it does. However, I am so sick of not knowing what I want to do with my life, its probably so stupid and retarded that I have been ttc for so long way before I even knew what I want to do like career wise. I have tried to do like career aptitude tests and things like that. I still have no clue. People ask me what I have always pictured myself doing and other than being a mother I have no idea. Being a stay at home mom is out of the question though whenever I am able to have children. So hopefully I will figure all this out soon. I just feel like my life is so ridiculously out of place and I don't feel like I know how to get control of it. I keep praying for God to direct my path. I hope I figure out what to do soon though. I feel at a loss as of right now. It makes me feel so unsuccessful and like I have nothing to show for myself and that I'm lazy or something. It's not that I don't want to do anything with my life, I'm just scared to go to college and have debts of student loans and not even finish school because I change my mind or something.  Has anyone else battled this? What did you do to solve it? I need some help lol.

Oh one other topic really quick, is it weird for me to not want to talk to my husband about my emotions through this infertility/PCOS journey? Its not that I'm concerned about his feelings. Its just, I don't feel he understands and I just annoy him with my emotions about it. I'm conflicted about whether to tell him how I feel when I am hurting. Yes I do long for his support, however I just know how he is, and I just really think I would get on his nerves which would make the situation worse for both of us.
Oh I lied, one more topic. I am SOOO not ready for next month. I wish I could skip the whole freaking month all together. Number one: the dreaded mothers day (my heart sank just typing that). Number two: I am invited to like 3 baby showers as of right now for May. Number 3: May 21st marks 8 years since my mother has passed away. She passed away when I was 15.As several of you know, my father passed away in late February this year as well. I hate how doom and gloom I can be, and I am sooo sorry to vent about it. It's just hard. I'm now parentless and childish and not even that close to 30. Oh well, things could be worse. I know God has a plan, I just wish I knew how to control my emotions better. Oh June is a stupid month too now that I think about it. I lost my niece 7 years ago this June (my poor sister, idk how she did it, losing her mother and daughter within 12 months and 2weeks of each other. She is a strong woman indeed), and of course fathers day is in June, and the birthday of mine and my husbands best friend/brother in law that we lost in December of 11 to a drunk driver. So yeah May and June...not looking forward to those. Can't we just skip to July? lol I'm jk. Okay for real, I am so sorry for that Debbie Downer moment just there. I probably look like the most depressed person ever, but I promise I'm not.
Well I'm off to get ready to have a night out with one of my best friends. After I night like last night, I really need it. I hope everything is going well for everyone else. Have a great weekend everyone!-Sheila

Un-Picturable

Back in high school I could never picture myself in college or married. I thought that it meant I wouldn't make it that far in life.

I actually got married a little less than 2 years after graduating high school.

We have been TTC for almost 5 years now. And as I watch friends have babies and as I want a baby more and more every minute of every day, I can't seem to picture myself as a mom.

I watch friends and how they have changed and adjusted and are "mommies" and I just don't see the same picture for myself. I can't picture myself with a baby on my hip or chasing around a toddler. All of that is very surreal to me and makes me wonder if maybe it just isn't meant to be.

Maybe that is one of the realities of TTC. We have to accept that, God forbid, it may just not be our path. We hope with all our might that it will be, but it is almost like a grieving process for TTC. If you accept it as a possibility, it doesn't seem like it will hurt as much if it does become actuality.

Maybe that is just me.

I want to picture myself with babies and toddlers and kids and being called "mom". But the image just doesn't come to my head.

I hope everyone else is doing ok. We have a lot of new likes on the facebook page and hopefully we will get a lot more followers of the blog as well. 

Question #1

1.How did you and your partner decide when you were ready to start trying to conceive?

Shannon: The day was April 27, 2008. Hubs younger brother was still living with us at the duplex. Hubs and I had been arguing a lot (mainly about BIL) and finally had a sit down. Throw the process we agreed that BIL would move back to his dad's at the end of the school year. In trying to get our future goals on track with each other we both decided that we wanted to start a family....

Mrs Red: Firstly, we had been bf/gf since april 2002. So in February 2006 when we got engaged, we were out of town when it happened so when we were on our way home. We were talking about wedding dates, I was looking at the calendar for 2007 and was all 'well our anniversary falls on this day and...." he cuts me off and says "wow isn't that soon?" so I was like ".... Ok so the next year?" and he goes I don't want to wait til next year! I was like waaaaaat? He wanted to get married before the end of the year because he said he wanted to start a family with me already! :-D so we decided before we were married to start ttc as soon as we left for our honeymoon lol. And yes, we waited... Unfortunately we didn't know it was going to take this long....
-Steph

Ashley:
Well while my husband and I were dating we knew we both wanted kids soon. We got engaged in January 2010 and married in April 2010. Two months before we got married we had a serious talk about when we really wanted to start trying. I just couldn't believe how real it felt, because I have been looking forward to this moment for my whole life...I was a little nervous and told him I thought we could wait until we were married about 6 months but my husband convinced me that we were both ready and a little nervous and that wouldn't go away in six months. He said we should just finished with the pack of birth control pills the month before our wedding and start right away. I agreed and thought it may take us a few months to get pregnant anyhow. So we both agreed we would see how things go the first 6 months and then start trying hard core. So I finished my pack of pills 2 weeks before our wedding....and I was excited I would be ovulating on our wedding weekend or during our honeymoon. However, one month after we were married I suspected I had PCOS. I am a sonographer for work and deal with the menstrual cycle and disorders of it every day, apparently I couldn't separate work and my personal life. I "self-diagnosed" myself and saw a doctor for it two months after we were married which confirmed the diagnosis. I ovulated the next month, but didn't ovulate for 13 months following that! I wasn't responding to any meds our whole first year of infertility. I certainly don't regret starting to try right away....I'm really glad we started when we did, because almost 2 years later we still aren't pregnant.

Leah
Chris and I first met when I was 23 and he was 29. We decided we wanted to try for a family, so I went off of birth control in September 2006 and had my first cycle off of birth control in October 2006. We started trying and trying, even though my periods were getting farther and farther apart and we got married in February 2007. We went to an RE, I was diagnosed with PCOS and did cycles with Clomid. I got pregnant once, but lost it at 5 weeks. That was the hardest thing, I think. Then, other medical issues came up and life just kind of put us in a tailspin. I guess, now, it makes it 5 years of trying? We are going back to the RE this summer.