Playing Catch-Up

I owe many posts updating about my fertility treatments since AUGUST.

Amazing how time flies between two jobs and holidays and fertility treatments. But I have a new laptop now and will be able to keep up more often. So, this isn't quite an update, but a heads up that I will update, LOL!

I'm not pregnant after the fertility treatments this fall.

Molly, previous author, had her baby on her birthday, November 30th. A little boy named Jonah.

If you are interested in being a guest, part-time, or full-time writer please fill out the form above or send an email to shannonw@fighting4fertility.org.in . I am getting emails now so I should be able to respond much quicker than every 2 months!

Now, to work on my updates...

Ashley's Update

Hey everyone, I'm so sorry I've been so out of touch.  Life has been very busy with the boys and going back to work.  However, even though I haven't been posting doesn't mean I'm not reading or thinking about you all.  As dates went by in February, March and now April, it brings me back to the huge milestones in the past 3 years, especially last year going through IVF.  I think another reason I've backed off (besides not having much time) is I remember like it was yesterday how I felt about hearing about others who had babies and I didn't.  So I know there is nothing I can say or do to make each of your situations better.  All I can try to do is give you hope and advice if you want it.  I don't want to rub it in anyone's face that I got pregnant and have two babies.  I just want to support everyone and help as I'm needed.  I know I'll always have bitter feelings towards those who take getting pregnant for granted, however it's a hard place to be in because I'm not in the same position as I was before I got pregnant.  For the first time in over 3 years I feel happy, complete and back to my old self.  I told my husband a few weeks ago - I never, ever want to feel that way again.  Meaning those two LONG years of active treatments every months with multiple doctors visits monthly, were by far the worst years of my life.  But it was truly worth every single tear and angry moment I went through.  I am here for you all, praying every moment.

I am also sad to say my very best friend who's wedding I didn't get to stand up in, in August because I was put on bed rest two days before, was diagnosed with PCOS in January.  She is still in the early stages of all the works, but it just brings back all of my bad memories that I hope she doesn't have to go through.

Bless you all and baby dust 2013 is the year :) 

Baby S the first, an IF success story

So this post is long over due, but here is the birth story of Sophia the first.

We tried for 5 1/2 years before getting pregnant. Multiple failed clomid rounds, 3 failed iui's, ovarian drilling surgery, fibroids removed from uterus, PCOS, and one miracle IVF cycle that worked at the first try. I consider myself lucky that it "only" took 5 years and the IVF worked the first time. I know I'm fortunate for that. My IVF process is documented in this blog in 2012 entries.

I was also lucky enough to have a fairly easy pregnancy. I had a few normal pregnancy symptoms that were not even remotely "bad". But at the end of the pregnancy, after 6 years of waiting, 40 weeks just seemed like an eternity so after I reached 37 weeks, I was looking for ideas to induce labor naturally but didn't try anything until 38 weeks 4 days.

January 15
I had been reading about cinnamon tea and took some the day before and it tasted good even if it didn't do anything. So I made me tea in the morning. Then I googled "labor inducing food" everything says spicy and as a Hispanic person, I eat that a lot soooo if it hasn't worked yet lol. Although I must admit the week before I bit into a piece of Serrano and that night I had bad contractions, got scared and stayed away from spicy. So I found a recipe for "labor cake". Sounded good and it was just chocolate so even if it did t work it would still be tasty. So for dinner we ate spicy tortilla soup and labor cake

January 16
2:28 am I was awaken by a decent contraction. But didn't have another one for an hour so I fell back asleep but had one every hour. I called out of work because I felt exhausted. I got up at 830 to pee and after I finished it felt like water running out of a slow faucet. So I txt DH and called the doctor. The nurse called back at 1030 and said to go in at 130 to see if it was my amniotic fluid. So I called DH and asked him to come home to take me. We didn't take the bags because we both figured I'd be coming home since I hadn't noticed any more contractions after 11.
When I see my doctor she says I'm 2cm dialated... Boo lol but then asked about fetal movement and I hadn't been feeling the grandiose movements since the last appt a week before so she sent me for in office fetal monitoring. On the monitor I noticed I had 3 contractions in the hour I was monitored. Nothing strong or anything so thought "great more Braxton hicks". She came to the room and said she didn't like the fetal movement and sent me to labor and delivery for a 2 hour fetal monitor in a dim quiet room. Towards the end of the first airing if family feud, yes I was watching tv lol, I felt a bunch of contractions pretty close, but again not strong and the doctor was due to come any minute. After the 2 hrs she came in and said that there wasn't enough movement and she wanted to induce me since I was 38 weeks 6 days. Wow... So DH ran home to get our bags and I called my mom to come right away.
Doctor came back a little later and explained that first they would break my water, put in an internal monitor, then start pitocin after an hour or so.
So then we got down to business. When she went to break my water she goes "OMG, you are already 4cm! You are already in labor! But since the baby isn't moving well I still want to continue with the pitocin." So I said ok. Contractions were good and tolerable up until 9pm when they increased the pitocin too high. I started having off the charts contractions. When they checked my cervix at 10 and I had only increased 1 cm I broke down. I kicked everyone out and asked for an epidural. I felt like a failure but I was exhausted and hadn't eaten all day! I thought I'd leave my appt and get lunch, I was wrong!
I got the epidural and knocked out. My blood pressure dropped really low apparently but they got it stabilized and let me sleep.

January 17
I slept until I was woken up at 1 to check my cervix again, I was at 9cm! So they got me ready to push. I kicked everyone out again at 230 because they came back when I was asleep lol.

After an hour of pushing my doctor came in sleepy looking n said I was ready. 4 good pushes later I hear "330 happy birthday" I started crying immediately because the next sound I hear is MY baby. The respiratory nurse was called in and other that seeing a flash of her for a second I didn't see her for a few mins. So during labor her pulse kept dropping so they were worried. She was born with the cord around her neck but thank God she was fine. She also got a big bruise on the top side of her head that was squishy for weeks but now is just a big bump. There's a name for it but I don't remember. It'll go away and if it doesn't I still think she's perfect. The bump made her severely jaundiced which gave us an extra day stay in the hospital but breastfeeding has gotten rid of it mostly. Her color is also becoming less yellow.

We are so in love with her and so thankful to God that we finally got out miracle. I believe you will all get yours one day too. I hope this story gives you hope to keep pushing for your happy ever after no mater what route you take!

-Mrs Red

Un-Picturable

Back in high school I could never picture myself in college or married. I thought that it meant I wouldn't make it that far in life.

I actually got married a little less than 2 years after graduating high school.

We have been TTC for almost 5 years now. And as I watch friends have babies and as I want a baby more and more every minute of every day, I can't seem to picture myself as a mom.

I watch friends and how they have changed and adjusted and are "mommies" and I just don't see the same picture for myself. I can't picture myself with a baby on my hip or chasing around a toddler. All of that is very surreal to me and makes me wonder if maybe it just isn't meant to be.

Maybe that is one of the realities of TTC. We have to accept that, God forbid, it may just not be our path. We hope with all our might that it will be, but it is almost like a grieving process for TTC. If you accept it as a possibility, it doesn't seem like it will hurt as much if it does become actuality.

Maybe that is just me.

I want to picture myself with babies and toddlers and kids and being called "mom". But the image just doesn't come to my head.

I hope everyone else is doing ok. We have a lot of new likes on the facebook page and hopefully we will get a lot more followers of the blog as well. 

Awesome People

I have a really negative post that I have been wanting to post for the last couple days and just haven't gotten around to it.

But now I can't do that because I read the most AMAZING thing on Facebook today. Yes, Facebook.

At first I was upset because I saw that another friend and his girlfriend were at the hospital and she was in labor. They have only been together since November. (insert sad face here)

But as I read the comments following the hospital announcement, my friend stated that they weren't his twins, but that she was a surrogate/gestational carrier for another couple!

That has moved me to the point of tears right now.

You don't hear about people doing that much these days, mainly because it is SOO expensive.

I'll write about surrogate/gestational carrier more on another day.

Just dwell on the love and giving of one woman to another couple.

That is purely amazing.

Good night fur baby...

We lost a beloved fur baby today. "P" has been with us since 2004/2005 (when we got him is a little foggy at the moment). Hubby and I were still in the dating phase but my uncle had rescued him from a boxer rescue. His name was Elmo back then. Someone took him to the rescue after he had been hit by a truck. He was badly malnourished. You could see every single bone in his body and he had a bald spot on his hip from where they put a pin to fix his broken leg. He was a sad sight but still a beautiful dog. My uncle didn't want to keep him after a month because Elmo had some behavioral problems. So we asked if we could have him. We did not live together nor married nor engaged. Soooo how did we think we were going to manage this? Like a divorced couple with kids lol. His mom said P could not spend the night and my dad said P could not be there if I wasn't home so I would drop P off on my way to work and pick him up on my way home. That or my hubby wold bring him by later when he would come over to visit me. We did this until my house was built and I moved to it before we got married (I moved alone btw)
P just needed a lot of work and patience and he stopped tearing any papers to little shreds. He was a really good dog and sooooo awesome with kids. It makes me so sad that I didn't have kids of my own to climb all over him.
We were out of town and on the way to the airport when we got the call from my mil and SIL. My mil just had the loss of her mother a few weeks ago and the hurt is still fresh, I felt so bad that she had to be the one to find him. He's been hurting for a little while now so it is better for him I just feel so bad, he was still our fur baby. Both of our fur babies from before we were married are both resting eternally now :-( we are down to little Z (mini schnauzer) and big boy D (out cat, which we may need to rehome... But I can't bring myself to do that now)

Fur babies are sometimes all we get for comfort in our IF journey. They help us pass the time and help to feed our need to fill that baby void. I'm going to miss P but I know he's not hurting no more...

Ashley Update

I'm sorry I haven't had much of a chance to post/comment.  Things have been crazy at my house and work.
I can't believe its already August 1!  Anyhow between all that, I don't want to "gloat" too much about being pregnant because I know when we were struggling I didn't usually want to read about some one else being pregnant, while I was still trying everything to be! 

So just a little update, the boys are doing very well.  I am 21w0d today and have been feeling them since about 17w3d, my husband has also been able to feel them a couple times for the past couple weeks.  It is the most amazing feeling.  At my appointment last week I was measuring 29 weeks, which is normal for twins, but its funny because everyone who I see tells me I'm tiny for being more than half way for twins!!  I have a long torso so that helps and I don't feel so tiny but I'm enjoying every moment....cuz who knows if this will ever happen again.  We pretty much have the big items for the nursery and my baby shower is in late September.  We are starting a remodel project on our house next week, in hopes that it will be done by the end of September or mid-October at the latest.  So LOTS going on. 
I think of you all often even though I'm not on here posting, blessings!

Long time no chat...

So I never posted my official results from my IVF in May, mainly because I don't want to "jinx" it, but also because I still don't quite believe the results myself. My husband also finally gave me the green light to share with the blogosphere but....

It worked.

Praise God, it worked! We are due with our little bundle (singular) in January. I have some thoughts I've scribbled down since we found out, mostly about the fear and anxiety, I hope to share that with you across the coming week. But for right now I'm ending the suspense.

I'm finally pregnant :'-)

Ashley's Update

Ashley's Update
Well ladies, sorry its been so long.  So much has been going on.  I was in the hospital for a few days again last week due to severe right lower quadrant pain. My right ovary is still 9+ cm.  I was feeling great last Wednesday and had my last ultrasound at my RE's office at 7am at 3:15pm I started having severe RLQ pain like I did a month ago.  I took some Tylenol and tried to get comfortable then I called my OB office at 4:15pm because nothing was getting better and my OB prescribed Vicodin and told me to go into the ER if that didn't help.  So my DH ran to the pharmacy on his way home and then got home at 5:15pm.  In the mean time I was shaking, vomiting and nauseous.  I took a Vicodin and thought it helped in the first 20 min. however after that the pain just kept getting worse and worse. We ended up in the ER at 7pm had and ultrasound and MRI.  They admitted me and the pain did not subside until in the afternoon on Thursday.  I still have a dull pain but nothing compared to when I had to go in.  My right ovary will hopefully go down in size in the next three weeks, and hopefully we won't have to deal with this anymore.  On a better note, the babies are doing great.  Heartbeats are strong, both are growing good.   I was so worried about taking the pain meds but the doctors assured me that they do not affect the babies unless its used for long term during the pregnancy in which the babies become addicted. 

Also, I am an aunt (my side of the family)!  My only sibling (my sister) had her first baby 5/6/12.  He is beautiful 6 lbs 12oz 19.5"  - Brayden Lee.  We spend from Saturday 5/5/12 at noon until Sunday at 10am in the hospital.  She went into labor and progressed good but he was turned on his side instead of facing her back so he wouldn't come through her pelvis.  She started pushing at 2am 5/6/12 for 2 1/2 hours with just a little morphine and then they decided to do the c-section at 4:30am.  He was born at 5:50am.  She is one strong lady!  We spent some time with them after he was born and then again on Mother's Day.  I really feel me finally being pregnant helped with everyone to bond even more through the birth of my nephew.  I truly feel so blessed!!

Stating the obvious

I want a baby. I like reeeeeally want a baby, I want to will my uterus to be pregnant now... I'm having one of those bad days and it sucks... I feel like my husband would love me more if we had a baby, I feel like he would think more of us as a family if I was at least pregnant. He's wonderful, he really is... I'm just feeling so guilty right now.... Im so exhausted...

I want a baby

-mrs red

Question #9

9.What was the first baby or pregnancy-related purchase you ever made? Was it before or after you started trying to conceive? Or was it after you were already pregnant? Why did you choose that particular item to buy first? If you haven’t purchased anything yet, why not?

Shannon:
I haven't bought anything for ourselves. I want to, have wanted to since we started trying. I have even searched products and designs and bookmarked them. Hubs won't let me buy anything because he worries that having them in the house and seeing them might make me depressed. He has a point :/  I have crocheted stuff for our future children though! I'm sure when I finally get pregnant I'll start buying stuff. Not a lot at first... but to start gradually getting everything and finding where we want to get everything (Target, Walmart, and Babies-R-Us don't sell the theme we want).

Mrs Red:
The first thing I ever bought was actually not for my future kids... Well... Kinda... Lol it was after my smallest girl cousin was born, I was already graduated and working at the mutual fund company and I went on base and they had a dress sale. She was like 1 and a half and it was spring so I bought a really cute dress size 2t, I never gave it to my uncle and she grew really fast so it wouldn't fit the next year. So I said I'd give it to someone else or save for my daughter... I have yet to give it to anyone so im saving it for my daughter. If I don't have one, I'll adopt one. But this is my daughters dress. :-) After I got married and we started ttc, I hadn't bought anything in fear of 'jinxing' it but last year when I worked at a shopping channel call center I bought a set of story/nursery rhyme CDs. My husbands family doesn't know English/American nursery rhymes and I love them. I want my kids to know them. :-)

Ashley:

I actually haven't made my first item purchase yet for myself. Which is kind of strange when I think about it, because I am a planner and usually have things in place and boughten way before they need to be. I think I haven't bought anything yet because I don't want to "jinx" myself. I also feel like it would be a reminder of what I can't have. I also think if we do get pregnant I wouldn't want to buy things right away out of fear that it wouldn't last.