Nine Years

I have thought of writing this post in several different ways. But after nine years of treatment, it doesn't feel like there is much more to say. We have come a long way and done a lot in the past nine years.

Nine years ago I was 21 and DH was 22. We lived in a duplex and had his younger brother (16) living with us. We had a 1 year old black lab. Decent jobs (he is still at the same one!) and weren't doing too bad. We decided to try having a baby, even though I'd already been off birth control for a while. And that is how our infertiliity journey started. And, thankfully, he has stuck by my side the entire time.

In the last 9 years we have done 2 HSGs, 11 rounds of clomid with timed intercourse, 1 ovarian drilling surgical procedure with hysteroscopy, and 2 rounds of IUI with clomid AND injections.

Infertility is such an emotional and heartbreaking journey that there are several years of non-BC breaks throughout the 9 year period.

We considered adoption and after one potential fall through we decided that the emotional toll would be too great for us at this time.

Our next step? IVF.

We had our consult April 10th. Since then I have had an HSG done again (much better than my first experience!) and a sono to check on my ovaries. We have discussed IVF variation options and pricing and have a plan. We are hopeful that this is it and will finally work. All I have to do is lose 18 lbs before CD 35 (if no period) and then we can begin.

But now we are waiting. And I forgot how HORRIBLE the waiting is. You say you'll be fine, you've had to do all sorts of waiting before, but you become obsessed with information and wish the days could go by faster so you could just START. It is difficult to distract yourself because IVF is like a thought bubble in your head that won't pop. You eat, sleep, and DREAM about it. You buy books, make mock-up calendars, and an IVF organizational binder. You luck up IVF and infertility charms and special clothes for ER (egg retrieval) day and transfer day. You join IVF support groups on facebook and it ends up flooding your newsfeed so that is all you see and therefore can't stop thinking about. People ask questions, you gladly tell them because you are excited, and then realize that any positive pregnancy announcement won't be a surprise and that part kinda sucks. May 17th needs to get here soon and these remaining 14 lbs need to disappear ASAP.

I thought after all these years I've learned patience. Apparently not. I even agreed with the doctor that I wouldn't do any HPT before the blood draw after transfer... Yeah, I have a feeling I won't be as strong as I initially thought about that.

This week is NIAW. Seeing the number of friends, family, and people that are dealing with infertility is just overwhelming. It is devastating knowing that so many of us are going through issues with infertility, whether it is at the beginning of the spectrum or the end, it sucks for everyone to have to deal with it for even 1 day. But, you are not alone. You've read some of what I've been through, especially if you have followed this blog for the last.... 5 (?) years. Ask us questions. Find us on our facebook page. I wish you all luck and baby dust.

Shannon

Sheila's update

So, it has been a very long time since I posted, so I figured I would update now that I have finally started some real treatment (of course last years being nothing but a joke). I still feel really foolish that I didn't start seeking better treatment much sooner. I feel like although I have technically been trying for approaching six years, it's nothing compared to what you ladies have been through. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying it's a competition or anything, I just feel guilty for everything you ladies have been through, and I haven't endured near as much and I am so sorry for all those hardtimes you have been through in this journey. I also am feeling kind of nervous about how late I started seeking treatment, wondering if I have alot more years ahead of me before I really meet my end goal: a precious baby in my arms. Then I am feeling a lot of guilt when being hopeful thinking "What if this treatment does work? That is so not fair to these other women who have endured so much more than me and are still struggling". Ladies, my heart is truly going out for you. You don't know it, but I really pray for you every day. Really, my heart is more for you to obtain your precious baby more so then me. I can't imagine the pain that your heart holds through all the failed treatments. I am so sorry. My first "real" treatment wasn't successful. The stress of going through everything was so much more overwhelming than I anticipated, and this is just a baby step compared to what you have been through. I am truly so sorry.

So, this was my first cycle taking provera to induce AF and first cycle taking clomid to attempt to make me ovulate. This was so much more overwhelming than I had anticipated. Of course those of you have been on provera, I am sure you know what the period is like....so yeah that was...."fun" but still I did anticipate that, so I knew it was coming and honestly although it isn't that pleasant, it wasnt that bad although my cramps were horrendous and had to be in the bathroom every 5 minutes. I took clomid on days 3-7, and got a little bit of mood swings but weren't as bad as I was expecting, so that was good. The more overwhelming parts were, charting (getting mixed signals with my cm, opks, and bbt on opposite days of each other were making me paranoid and drove me up the wall), we are also fighting the insurance company on coverage of my doctor's office visit. However, the MOST overwhelming part, was the doctor's office receptionist. She has NO CLUE what she is doing. Let me explain further.

Don't get me wrong, I think my doctor and especially his nurse are truly great. This receptionist however, has caused me  nothing but headaches. So my doctor sends me a card in the mail after my first inital visit and tells me my bloodwork labs came back normal, and to continue the provera and clomid as mentioned in his office and to schedule a 21 day cycle appointment. So the wording on the card makes me think I need to schedule an appointment. I call my doctor's office and the nurse answers and tells me that normally its just a blood test, but my doctor did have it in the system as an actual appointment, so she needed to check and make sure. I called back 6 hours later, and they still had no answer. So then, I call back the next day and tell the receptionist all of this, and she disregards what I say, cuts me off and says "You don't have to make appointments for 21 day tests, you just go to the lab and get your blood drawn". So whatever, for some stupid reason I decide to take her word for it. I go on CD 22 for my blood work (CD 21 was a Sunday). I first go up to the doctors office and ask if there is paper work I need to take down to the lab, she tells me no it should already be down there and if not to call and she would send it down ( Note: I did inform her that I was there for a day 21 progesterone test).
Then I proceed to go down to the lab and they tell me they have no paperwork, so I tell them what she said and she calls upstairs. So then they are talking forever, and based on the conversation I can tell they are struggling to find my information, and the lady at the lab desk tells the receptionist upstairs to fax it when she finds it. So I assumed they finally did find it, because they called be back for my lab draw. They take the blood draw and I ask when I can get my results- they tell me 24 hours. I call back two days later, only for the conversation to go as follows
Me: Hello, I was calling about my progesterone test results
Receptionist: Okay give me a few minutes to look that up
*wait several minutes*
Receptionist:Okay well we find your results but it looks like they did the prolactin, thyroid and blood pregnancy test
Me: I already had that done like a month ago...
Receptionist :One sec
*wait several minutes*
Receptionist :Okay well you were supposed to call us and make an appointment and then we would know which lab you were going to
Me: I called and tried to schedule an appointment and you told me I don't call anyone just to come get the labs done.
Receptionist: Oh, I am sorry about that. Let me connect you to the nurse

So then my nurse is SUPER ticked off about what happened, (but very nice and professional to me, she just felt bad about what they did to me) but after several phone calls between her and I that day, she cleared it up and found out she could still run my progesterone test with my previous sample.

A few days later I try to call and find out my results again. Conversation as follows
Me: Hello, I am calling about my progesterone results
Receptionist :(after getting my name and dob) Okay it says that it's .7 , It says your labs are normal. I don't know anything about the number but since your labs are normal that means you ovulated.
Me (confused after hearing the number .7 thinking that sounds incredibly low) Oh it was .7? And this means I ovulated?
Receptionist: Yes
Me: Okay thank you, bye.
(I got this card in the mail just yesterday, so later than these phone calls)

Then after thinking about it a while longer, I know this sounds low and theres no way this lady could be right so I decided to call back and demand to speak to the nurse to clear things up. The nurse then confirms what I already knew, that my progesterone is low, and moving forward we are uping my clomid dosage. So anyways, I was just incredibly annoyed that the receptionist first tells me I dont need an appointment, then sends the wrong paperwork down making me get the wrong blood work, then tells me its my fault for not making an appointment after she is the one who told me not to, then tells me the very wrong thing about my progesterone. If I wouldn't have known any better or called back, I would have just continued to think the medication worked even though it didn't. So yeah....that was annoying but could be worse so I am okay with it. So thats where I am at now. Af hasnt started yet, so will need to call and get more provera ordered along with the higher dosage of clomid, and that's where I am at as far as now. Sorry for the very long post. I truly hope all is doing well with everybody! Where is everybody else at on their journey? My thoughts and prayers are truly with each and every one of you :)
Sheila

Waiting... and Waiting...

I don't know if any of yal have had this kind of problem with Provera...

I finished the dose on Tuesday evenings and as of today, Saturday evening, I am STILL waiting for my period. Normally AF starts within 1-2 days after I finish the pills.

I want it to hurry up and come (rare for a girl to say that, I know!) so I can start my Clomid 100.

The worse thing is, I stay paranoid about my period hitting since I don't cramp a lot during AF. Thus it can hit me unexpectedly. UGH.

Have any of you had this type of problem before??

AF has ARRIVED

Gotta love when the Provera ends and then you wait....

But, couple days later AF showed up. Now to let 10 months of no AF get out of my system.

BC is to start on Sunday.

~Shannon