Surreal

I still feel like someone is playing a joke on me, I can't believe I am actually pregnant. Yesterday was 26 weeks and it seems like a dream. We got confirmation a few weeks ago that we are having a little girl. Sophia. This weekend we are going to buy the big dollar essentials, and I ordered the crib on amazon a few days ago so we will get that Tuesday.
Why does it still seem not real though? I told my hubby at the first 12 weeks of ultrasounds I felt like the doctors wee just showing me a video. A prerecord video of how far they say I am and just add my name and stuff, yes I guess that makes me a conspiracy nut job lol. I kept saying, maybe when I feel the baby move it will become real.... Nope, because then I said maybe its gas. The first few times it really feels like gas or flutters. So then I said, maybe when I can see the movement. Well folks, I've been able to see my stomach move for about a week and I swear I'm not looking at myself.
Then my mom is planning my baby shower for the second weekend in November and she talks to me about it and all I can think is "MY" baby shower? That makes me cry. Not because I'm sad but because I never though I'd say that. I still feel like its all a dream. The journey has been so long and so hard to get here, I can't believe it's really happening!
I guess part of my disbelief is also because I guess I've been 'lucky' and not had too many problems other than the OHSS at the beginning and the fall down the stairs at 9 weeks, which makes my fertile Myrtle SIL very jealous since she had non stop morning sickness the whole 40 weeks. And then her constantly mentioning that fact makes me think, maybe it IS a dream. How weird how IF effects us and taints everything!
I'm so grateful to God and to modern science, which without either I really believe this wouldn't have been possible. I am still jealous of those who can "get pregnant" but I am very happy that IVF worked for us.
I don't know if I am going to even believe this when we bring her home, my daughter, God I never thought I'd be able to say those words, my daughter. Now I'm bawling... Ok maybe saying this all "out loud" or rather typing it for the world to see, maybe now I can believe this is really happening.

I hope and pray every single one of you reading this gets your miracle someday (and hopefully soon), and I hope by then you aren't as jaded as I am by IF and believe it is real the whole time and just truly enjoy the blessing.

-Mrs Red

Ashley's 26 Week Update

Well, on August 30, I had a scheduled doctor's appointment to check my cervix and to check the boys' growth with my perinatologist (Dr. Jaz), however the day didn't start out as we planned, I was having a bunch of contractions that morning and when I called the on-call nurse she said we needed to come in right away. We checked into labor and delivery and they put me in a triage room to monitor my contractions and the boys' heartbeats. The contractions I felt had slowed down from when I initially called and talked to the nurse. My doctor came in and got the scoop, they started a saline IV and he checked my cervix to see if I was dilating at all. He said my cervix was still closed - YAY good news. He said he wanted to monitor me for a few hours to make sure the contractions were getting less frequent otherwise they'd have to give me magnesium sulfate to stop the contractions. He said he was happy because if this was going to turn into active labor its in the very early stage and easier to stop. He said if things keep improving then I could go by Dr. Jaz for the ultrasound that was scheduled. So 11:00am rolled around and the RN came in she said things were looking better and I told her I felt like the contractions were getting less frequent. She said she was waiting for my urine lab to come back yet, but she was going to send me to Dr. Jaz. We got into Dr. Jaz's exam room and told him what was going on. He measured my cervix by ultrasound it was just slightly less than two weeks ago measuring 1.5-1.6cm today -last time it was 1.65cm) - YAY more good news. He said he also wanted to check my cervix on a physical examination, he agreed with Dr. Kerns that I was not dilated. Then we went on to look at how the boys are growing- they are doing well. Baby A weighs 1 lb 8oz and Baby B weighs 1 lb 11oz. They are both doing very well and Baby A is not engaged in my pelvis. -MORE GOOD NEWS! So we got back to the triage room and the RN said she called Dr. Kerns and he's letting me go home to continue bed rest as I have been.  She told me to keep doing what I have been doing. She said they were going to culture my urine because there was a few epithelial cells in it, which can be normal but Dr. Kerns wanted to treat me for a UTI just to be proactive. UTI's can cause contractions in pregnancy too so he just wants to be extra safe. She also said we could expect to come in to be monitored a few more times before the babies arrive, due to contractions like this, especially with my cervical history. So please keeps us in your prayers! DH and I both felt much better than we had earlier that morning, knowing I am not dilated, my cervical length is stable. We can do this! They will stay in there or so I have to trust in God that they will!   I was happy to make it to another week.  Yesterday I had another appointment to  see how things are going.  My OB answered some questions that I had, checked the heart beats and then we were on our way.   I did have quite a few contractions right before my appointment, he said he wasn't real concerned unless they became more intense and increased with frequency.  Last night I didn't sleep well and didn't feel the best either,  but this morning I'm doing a little better, still contracting but not quite as frequent as yesterday.  So hoping they are just braxton hicks and nothing more.