Disappointing Month

August was not as good as I expected it to be.

I had really high hopes when I shouldn't have.

My OPKs were coming back super close to the control that I was sure I ovulated.

My ovulation bloodwork was the Friday before my birthday and the pregnancy bloodwork was the Friday after.

I hoped that would bring me luck.

Everything seemed to be pointing out that August would be great and the Clomid 100mg would work and I'd have a great birthday month!

But alas, nothing turned out how I hoped.

Ovulation bloodwork: Negative.
Pregnancy bloodwork: Negative.

And I am at the same spot I was in spring of 2009 when we stopped the clomid after 100mg. Just the feeling that it isn't going to happen. Disappointed failure and that treatments worth pointless.

I have to remind myself that it isn't going to be easy and that I have to keep going. That isn't as easy as some might think. I wish I could get pregnant like most normal people and not worry about if I will even get AF to get pregnant (I am currently on CD52... further proof I didn't ovulate).

I'm now 26. I know that most of my friends aren't married or they don't have kids and may not for years. But I also know that most of them don't have these complications.

I don't know what to do anymore.

You can pray for me but please don't tell me to pray. I know that most of our readers and writer's are very Christian but I am struggling with what I believe and have been for a while now.

"I'm still not sure what I stand for, oh
What do I stand for? What do I stand for?
Most nights, I don't know...
Well, that is it guys, that is all - five minutes in and I'm bored again
Ten years of this, I'm not sure if anybody understands"
Some Nights - FUN

Clomid Whiplash

So today is Day 18 in my cycle. And man, this dose of clomid is giving me a run for my money!

Today I have been SOOO sluggish. I slept almost 8 hours, even if I was a little sore from working out. Dragged myself out of bed with 3 hours before I had to get ready to go to my first house. I only had 2 today.

Timing at first house wasn't bad, about my average but I was moving slow. Not really because I was sore, but I was just NOT motivated to clean. ANYTHING.

Made a few stops and then heated up my TV dinner at the 2nd house. Ended up wasting time eating and just messing around on my phone. Finally started and my feet were literally DRAGGING across the carpet. Still got done in really good time considering when I actually started though.

I'm home now. Just ate the equivalent of 1/2 a cantelope... Going to finish the kids apron I was working on then get my Bootcamp DVD workout on!

This combined with my crying episode last Friday and my general snappiness this week has been trying. I can't wait til the hubby gets home and we can go to bed!

The only thing this picture is missing is my husband... Then it would be heaven!

Disappointment to the Infertility Community

I feel like a disappointment to our community in the lack of information on NIAW.

It has been incredibly busy in all our households but here are the links I wanted to share with you. Luckily, MSN decided to mention NIAW... for one day.

Invisible Pain of Infertility

What NOT to Say to an Infertile

8 Fertility Misconceptions

9 Natural Fertility Boosters

Fertility Awareness Stamps

My goal is to take each one of these links and discuss them... I hope I find the time!