Nine Years

I have thought of writing this post in several different ways. But after nine years of treatment, it doesn't feel like there is much more to say. We have come a long way and done a lot in the past nine years.

Nine years ago I was 21 and DH was 22. We lived in a duplex and had his younger brother (16) living with us. We had a 1 year old black lab. Decent jobs (he is still at the same one!) and weren't doing too bad. We decided to try having a baby, even though I'd already been off birth control for a while. And that is how our infertiliity journey started. And, thankfully, he has stuck by my side the entire time.

In the last 9 years we have done 2 HSGs, 11 rounds of clomid with timed intercourse, 1 ovarian drilling surgical procedure with hysteroscopy, and 2 rounds of IUI with clomid AND injections.

Infertility is such an emotional and heartbreaking journey that there are several years of non-BC breaks throughout the 9 year period.

We considered adoption and after one potential fall through we decided that the emotional toll would be too great for us at this time.

Our next step? IVF.

We had our consult April 10th. Since then I have had an HSG done again (much better than my first experience!) and a sono to check on my ovaries. We have discussed IVF variation options and pricing and have a plan. We are hopeful that this is it and will finally work. All I have to do is lose 18 lbs before CD 35 (if no period) and then we can begin.

But now we are waiting. And I forgot how HORRIBLE the waiting is. You say you'll be fine, you've had to do all sorts of waiting before, but you become obsessed with information and wish the days could go by faster so you could just START. It is difficult to distract yourself because IVF is like a thought bubble in your head that won't pop. You eat, sleep, and DREAM about it. You buy books, make mock-up calendars, and an IVF organizational binder. You luck up IVF and infertility charms and special clothes for ER (egg retrieval) day and transfer day. You join IVF support groups on facebook and it ends up flooding your newsfeed so that is all you see and therefore can't stop thinking about. People ask questions, you gladly tell them because you are excited, and then realize that any positive pregnancy announcement won't be a surprise and that part kinda sucks. May 17th needs to get here soon and these remaining 14 lbs need to disappear ASAP.

I thought after all these years I've learned patience. Apparently not. I even agreed with the doctor that I wouldn't do any HPT before the blood draw after transfer... Yeah, I have a feeling I won't be as strong as I initially thought about that.

This week is NIAW. Seeing the number of friends, family, and people that are dealing with infertility is just overwhelming. It is devastating knowing that so many of us are going through issues with infertility, whether it is at the beginning of the spectrum or the end, it sucks for everyone to have to deal with it for even 1 day. But, you are not alone. You've read some of what I've been through, especially if you have followed this blog for the last.... 5 (?) years. Ask us questions. Find us on our facebook page. I wish you all luck and baby dust.

Shannon

Jessica's update.

Hi all! I know that its been a while since everyone has updated their journey. So I'll start, 
maybe it'll catch on ;) 

A lot has happened in my personal life. I left Target and went across the street (literally) to be a front desk agent for a hotel. I've been here for 4 months I think? I've lost track! I really enjoy working over here. I don't miss working for Target a bit! I do miss some of my friends over there though. Daniel is still at the same place, but now we have days off together. At the fire department I've been put in charge of training since my promotion to lieutenant. At the farm hay season is in full swing, cows have been taken off summer pasture and brought home to have their babies. :) My favorite time of year is when all the babies are running around just outside of my house. They are adorable to watch them play! Its been a very nice summer for our family. My sister and her husband bought a house, all 6 of us loaded up in a Tahoe and went to Joplin Missouri for a canoe trip. We all had a lot of fun and enjoyed spending time out with nature and with each other. 

SOO... I guess the thing most people are following the blog about is the Fertility issue.. Daniel and I sat down a few weeks ago and discussed getting all of our check ups out of the way and starting fertility treatments in September. When I realized that September marked the 5 year mark of us TTC, I was ready to get the ball rolling again, but I didn't want to worry of all the Dr appointments to ruin the summer fun that we all had planned. So I just put it out of my head (which as you guys know is REALLY hard when your friends are all over Facebook announcing pregnancies and having babies) and tried to enjoy the summer. This week I went online and did some research and I'm calling to make an appointment next weeks with a dr just down the street from where I work to start the work up process and see exactly what she will do in her office without me being referred to an RE. So if you guys have any extra prayers or good thoughts that you could send my way that would be great!  

Let me know where everyone else is in their journey! Ill be thinking of you all! 

Shannon's Update

It's been awhile. Sorry for that. Life has been crazy and I haven't taken the opportunity to update the blog.

In April I had ovarian drilling surgery. I found out I was accepted to start nursing school this fall the day after my surgery.

In May I had a clomid cycle that worked!!! I even ovulated and believe I got pregnant but had a chemical pregnancy, where I lost it at 3-4 weeks. Hadn't gotten the + because I don't think my levels got high enough for that.

In June another failed clomid cycle. My right ovaries were trying to react this time but just couldn't get there.

July we started another cycle (today actually). I'm taking Clomid 100mg for 5 days (Tuesday-Saturday). On Wednesday and Friday I will be taking follistem shots (sp?) in replace of Bravelle and if everything works I will take Ovidrel to ovulate.

Yesterday my SIL also announced she was pregnant again.

My birthday is coming up on the 13th.

Nursing school starts on August 25th.

My summer in a nut shell. I may elaborate more in another post, I feel like I owe our readers that much. :)

Mothers day for Non-Mothers

Lets face it. Mothers day for the infertile world will always be a reminder. Either a reminder of what we are currently going through or what we went through to get to a happy mothers day. 

I always wonder what we look like for the outsiders (the fertile's of the world). I wonder if we look silly to them? Do they pitty us? Do you look at your neighbor crying in church when they ask all the mothers to stand and wonder why the tear are running down her face. Honestly I don't make to church as much as I would like to admit. However, even if I was a regular church goer, I would most likely skip mothers day. I see it as a very public reminder that I am not a mother; I do not have a child; I may never have a child. In that moment, when someone wishes you a happy mothers day, as innocent as it seems, Its can literally feel like someone punched you in the stomach.  Its a pain that only a few will understand. How a simple phrase can bring you to your knees. 

Think about your infertile friends tomorrow. For most this is a hard day for them. Its had to explain, The pain that comes around this time of year for our group. I know I'll be checking in on my infertile friends tomorrow. :) 

Clomid + Bravelle + Ovidrel and IUI???

I know I haven't updated on the clomid cycles we did Aug-Oct 2013. Obviously they were unsuccessful, lol.

Now our treatment is 100mg Clomid days 5-9, 150 IU Bravelle injections day 6 & 8 (day 8 is today), and, if follicles respond... Ovidrel (date to be determined) followed by an IUI.

I have a sonogram Monday to see if the follicles are maturing... and then after that is still kinda in the air.

I'm really nervous. And excited. And scared. You name it.

I feel like everything is falling into place for this cycle but I worry that I'm going to jinx myself thinking that or thinking about anything baby related. I need to get out of my head!

Has anyone else done this before??

Playing Catch-Up

I owe many posts updating about my fertility treatments since AUGUST.

Amazing how time flies between two jobs and holidays and fertility treatments. But I have a new laptop now and will be able to keep up more often. So, this isn't quite an update, but a heads up that I will update, LOL!

I'm not pregnant after the fertility treatments this fall.

Molly, previous author, had her baby on her birthday, November 30th. A little boy named Jonah.

If you are interested in being a guest, part-time, or full-time writer please fill out the form above or send an email to shannonw@fighting4fertility.org.in . I am getting emails now so I should be able to respond much quicker than every 2 months!

Now, to work on my updates...

Wonder Wednesday: how to act when trying to become pregnant

Reader question: hey gals, when ttc, do you act any different or just continue your lifestyle until you get a positive?

Short answer: when trying to get pregnant, act pregnant from the moment Aunt Flo leaves til she comes back!

Long answer: you never know when you will get pregnant. Would you want to risk losing a baby because you went on a weekend bender with the girlfriends? The general rule of thumb that any "get pregnant" book will tell you is that if you are trying to get pregnant, cut out all anti baby things out of your lifestyle. That means if you are a chronic caffeine addict, cut it out. Caffeine can actually lower your chances of getting pregnant. Caffeine is really a drug. An evil addictive drug! Not good for your body when over consumed so if you must have that latte, make it ONE medium coffee a day and work on cutting that out since you really shouldn't consume caffeine pregnant. There are studies that it causes ADHD or something. Then everyone knows you shouldn't consume alcohol pregnant so that should be cut out as well. Alcohol has been linked to birth defects and birth defects could be fatal to babies. What if you get pregnant and you drank to much alcohol and it caused a birth defect? The first 4 weeks the neural tube forms. This is the most common birth defect associated with alcohol. If you don't have a strong baby then it could cause a miscarriage or preterm labor. Neural tube defects could cause either of those things to happen. So don't do it! 

Other things you want to avoid are lifting too much weight or crazy death defying stunts that you wouldn't do pregnant. Now for crazy things I want to do I try to schedule them when AF is in town or shortly after.  Same pretty much with drinking away sorrows of another month gone by. 

I am always optimistic that "this will be the month" so yes I cut all caffeine out of my diet at one point and pretty much don't really consume alcohol almost ever. Just in case. 

About the Author: Sheila

Name: Sheila
Age: 24
Date of Birth: July 13, 1989
Nationality/Heritage:  American (portion Native American and British)
City/State/Country: Stoutsville, OH USA
Occupation: Part Owner @ Tara's Country Home Candles
Kid's Names and Ages: none
TTC Since: October 2008
Infertility Diagnosis: PCOS -2013 (getting a second opinion)
Spouse: Shawn, 26
Married: August 23, 2008
Religion: Christian
Tattoos & Piercings: Ears
5 Things I Love: God, My hubby duh, ice cream, fall (I think being in marching band in high school made me partial, lol), coke (caffeine is a huge weakness for me :( ), I will do two more, since the first two may not count lol: purple, hoodies in fall/winter and flip-flops in spring/summer
Favorite Books: The Bible, The Chronicles of Narnia, The Hobbit, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Hatchet, The Shack, Battle Royale, Any V.C. Andrews book, Beowulf, Macbeth, To Kill a Mockingbird, Frankenstein, Pilgrims Progress, Wicked and much more
Favorite Movies: Shrek, Harry Potter, The Notebook, Grease, Avatar, Fox and the Hound, Lion King, Elf, E.T. and much more
Favorite Shows: Duck Dynasty, Big Bang Theory, Who Dunnit, Once Upon a Time, Star Trek (I'm a nerd :D), Boy Meets World, other than these I don't watch much TV
Favorite Music: Pretty much any praise and worship, Casting Crowns is my favorite. Also like Misty Edwards, Jesus Culture, Hillsong, BarlowGirl, Tenth Avenue North, etc. Also like Christian Rock such as Disciple, Demon Hunter, TFK, Skillet, Etc. Also love 80s music and some country as well.
Favorite Food: Anything spicy!
Six Things I Could Now Live Without: God, my husband.... seriously couldn't, my phone, my hair brush or hair ties, family and friends, flip-flops and hoodies according to the season, lol
I'm Really Good At: I am actually a very good writer when I sit down to seriously write (or at least that's what I have been told by many people). Other than that, not much talent, haha. My DH has all the talent, lol
I Spend a Lot of Time Thinking About: When and if I will ever be a mommy... Other than that, it depends. I think a lot, my mind goes non stop. It is actually quite ridiculous, lol
On My Free Time I: Well, I love Pinterest (especially new recipes and things to make for gifts) and Facebook. I also love to read. I write on occasion as well. I love spending time with family and friends.  
A Secret About Me: Well it's not much of a secret, but my mom died when I was 15 and my dad died February 2013. I try not to think about it and not to get all "woe is me", but when I do think about it I get mad because I feel I am way too young to have lost both of my parents. However, I know there are people out there that have it much worse than I do, so I try not to let it get to me.
If Money Were No Object & I Could Do What I Wanted for 1 Week I Would: Oh my gosh. I have no idea. I would like to say go vacation somewhere. I would rather buy a really nice house if money weren't an object. However I don't know if that lines up to the one week part, lol.
What I Talk About On The Blog: Diagnosis, second opinions, Emotions, Hope, etc
Blog Position: Facebook Poster, Pinterest Poster, Author
Contact Info:
Email: slimflutie@gmail.com; slimflutie@yahoo.com; sheilah@fighting4fertility.org.in
Pinterest: Sheila Hill; Waiting Mothers

Fertility Awareness Video

This hit so many parts of my life.
~Shannon

About the Author: Mrs Red

I

Name: Steph
Age: 30
Date of Birth: February
Nationality/Heritage:  Mexican, Japanese, Irish/American
City/State/Country: San Antonio, TX USA
Occupation: Lead Software Analyst
Kid's Names and Ages: Sophie, born January
TTC Since: November 2006
Infertility Diagnosis: 2003 - PCOS
Spouse: Mr T
Married:  2006
Religion: Christian
Tattoos & Piercings: Ears
5 Things I Love: Fishing, biking, sewing, painting, camping
Favorite Books: Hunger Games series, Fahrenheit 451, 1985, Heartsick series
Favorite Movies: Forrest Gump, Couples Retreat, Hunger Games, Yes Man, I Love You Man
Favorite Shows: Grey's Anatomy, Bones, CSI, Good Wife, Walking Dead
Favorite Music: Christian music, Oldies
Favorite Food: Southern comfort food, pasta, sushi
Six Things I Could Now Live Without: My bible, my husband, my miracle baby, a bed, my water bottle, some comfy shoes
I'm Really Good At: I don't know if I'm really good at anything... I guess I'm a decent baker
I Spend a Lot of Time Thinking About: The future
On My Free Time I: Like to craft things and play with my miracle baby
A Secret About Me: I secretly LOVE the high school drama Degrassi...
If Money Were No Object & I Could Do What I Wanted for 1 Week I Would: Not work! LOL and spend it with my family on a beach somewhere
What I Talk About On The Blog: IVF, PCOS, juicing, success story, etc
Blog Position: Founder, Author, Designer, Facebook poster
Contact Info:
Email: stephaniet@fighting4fertility.org.in

About the Author: Jessica

Name: Jessica
Age: 25
Date of Birth: December 28, 1987
Nationality/Heritage:  German, Irish, Native American.
City/State/Country: Leavenworth, USA
Occupation: Human Resources
Kid's Names and Ages: None
TTC Since: September 2009
Infertility Diagnosis: May 2010 - PCOS
Spouse: Daniel, 26
Married: December 29th, 2007
Religion: Methodist
Tattoos & Piercings: 1 tattoo on my shoulder, ears are pierced twice
5 Things I Love: Sunday family dinners, walking around the farm, playing with my dogs, when the baby calves start to be born, and Starbucks
Favorite Books: Anything Jodi Piccoult and western romances
Favorite Movies: White Christmas, Holiday Inn, Casablanca, Harry Potter, and 7 Brides for 7 Brothers
Favorite Shows: Grey's Anatomy, Dance Moms, Pretty Wicked Moms, Good Eats, Sister Wives, Top Shot, Ducky Dynasty, and American Dad
Favorite Music: Anything country and red dirt except Taylor Swift
Favorite Food: Potato chips
Six Things I Could Now Live Without: My family, my dogs, iPhone, coffee, peanut butter, and my heating pad
I'm Really Good At: Firefighting and cake decorating
I Spend a Lot of Time Thinking About: Babies and how to fix and expand the farm
On My Free Time I:Volunteer as a firefighter, read, watch tv, and Pinterest
A Secret About Me: I let my dog cuddle with me when my husband isn't in the bed
If Money Were No Object & I Could Do What I Wanted for 1 Week I Would: Buy stuff for the farm, prepay for fertility treatments
What I Talk About On The Blog: Naturally controlling PCOS, past fertility treatments, the possibility of future fertility treatments
Blog Position: Author, Twitter poster, Facebook poster
Contact Info:
Email: jessicad@fighting4fertility.org.in

About the Author: Shannon

Name: Shannon Ivy
Age: 27
Born: August 13th
Nationality/Heritage: Czech/Polish & European Mix
City/State/Country: Arlington, TX USA
Occupation: Certified Nurse Aide
Kid's Names and Ages: None
TTC Since: April 2008
Infertility Diagnosis: August 2008 - PCOS
Spouse: Jeff, 27
Religion: Me-Wiccan, DH-Christian
Tattoos & Piercings: 2 piercings in each ear, L ear has a cartilage piercing; 5 tattoos: celtic butterfly on R ankle, Shooting star with a quote on R back shoulder, 3 four-leaf clovers on L back shoulder (2 tattoos in 1), and a "Hope" tattoo on my wrist with the "o" being a teal heart for PCOS
5 Things I Love: Family, friends, cooking, crafts of all sorts, animals (esp. babies!)
Favorite Books: Almost any romance, mystery, paranormal... To name a few: Discovery of Witches, Harry Potter, Twilight, The Mortal Instruments, Beautiful Creatures, Creating a Life memoir, The Highlander, Mary Higgins Clark books, etc...
Favorite Movies: A TON: Harry Potter, Sweet Home Alabama, Burlesque, Marvel comics, Disney movies, comedy... Anything but scary movies
Favorite Shows: Big Bang Theory, Family Guy, Guiliana and Bill, Love it or List it, DIY & Home improvement shows, 2 Broke Girls, How I Met Your Mother, Two and a Half Men, and more
Favorite Music: Country, Pop, Current hits, Some Rap (Eminem)
Favorite Food: Ice cream. Spaghetti, stuffed bell peppers, stuffed cabbage, sweet and sour pork, fried rice, and soooo much more.
Six Things I Could Now Live Without: My husband, my phone, my kindle, toothbrush and toothpaste, underwear, jeans
I'm Really Good At: crafts, reading, typing, being empathetic
I Spend a Lot of Time Thinking About: The book I just finished reading, whatever book it is; a slew of other things
On My Free Time I: catch up on DVR shows and do crafty things like sewing and quilting
A Secret About Me: I wonder if I will be able to adjust to having kids, when that day comes
If Money Were No Object & I Could Do What I Wanted for 1 Week I Would: Pay off all debts, buy a house and vehicles my husband actually loves, buy a nice, long vacation to travel the world.
What I Talk About On The Blog: Current procedures I am undergoing, PCOS, and emotions (plus others)
Blog Position: Founder, Author, Designer, Facebook Poster
Contact Info:
Email: shannonw@fighting4fertility.org.in
Myfitnesspal: sivywright
Weight Blog: http://shannonsweightstory.blogspot.com/

Today is the Day

So, today is the day I go see Dr. Luck.

I'm excited... and very nervous.

I am always worried that my condition will be worse or that I will get bad news. With infertility there is so much "bad" already that it is hard to think of any positives.

But, I did my research on my doctor and on the facility. They are closer to my last and I am still hoping that their pricing is reasonable (that wasn't included on the website).

I'm also excited that she might help me to get my period to STOP. I've been having bleeding (anything from spotting to light to medium) since June 26th and am SOO tired of having to always be prepared when I go to the bathroom. And I miss my husband, if you know what I mean ;)

I can already hear some of what the doctor will say: "your weight is too high" "if you lose weight your cycles should start to normalize" etc. I know I have a weight issue.

My high was in 2009 and I weighed in at 245. Earlier that year we had done 2 cycles of clomid. Then in the spring we moved into my FIL's house while we worked on our credit to get our own. In the summer I registered for a fall class at the local community college (only Yoga, as a way to get back into the swing of classes). That summer I also started to take some Japanese diet pills that my SIL had wonderful success with. The first month I lost 10 lbs. The second month I lost another 10 lbs. I was so excited! I continued to lose 10 lbs per month for the next 2 months. So in 4 months I had lost 40 lbs. And I stalled in the progress. We moved into our house in November with some issues. January I went to see my OBGYN and while there she prescribed a diet pill. Within the next couple months I lost another 25 lbs. I had gotten down to 180 and, as much as I wanted to be at 160, I was very happy. Kept it off for a year. Then had some really hard science classes with late night studying and lots of stress. BAM 30 lbs in 2 lbs back on. Once that dam broke it ALL came back. Now I am sitting at around 245/250.  (see more in my weight blog)

It's hard.

So, as excited as I am about the appointment, I am very nervous and any ridicule I will receive while there. I am hopeful that they understand the weight can be VERY hard to lose for PCOS peeps.

I will keep you all updated :o)

Farewell Post

Hey everyone!

This is my farewell post…I’m sad to be “retiring” as an author but I will be back to make some guest posts once the baby comes.

As most of you know, in April we found out that we were expecting and it was a complete shock. My sister had just lost her baby and we were all so stressed out and my husband and I had only DTD ONE time that cycle. I never expected to fall pregnant that month. I really think it happened because of God and the fact that the month before I had the HSG done to check my tubes for any blockages and I think it just cleared out my tubes. I am so grateful for the blessings that have come to us over the past 5 months. We’ve also just moved and are trying to get settled in before December! We find out on July 31^st if it is a boy or a girl and I will be very content either way.

I pray for all of you ladies everyday and I know that it is only a matter of time until you all become THE GREATEST mommies. I know there’s nothing I can say to really help because I’ve totally been there. I wish you call the best of luck and please know that you can always find me on Facebook and message me ANYTIME you’d like/need to talk to someone.

Hugs and Love to all of you strong, beautiful women!

Molly

Authors Wanted!!

We are looking for several talented authors to join our blog!

We are interested in male, female, all different types of diagnoses, full-time author's and guest author's.

We need yal!

Click to Apply!

Visit the link below and fill out the form to tell us about yourself!

Click here! Click here! Click here!

Can't wait to hear from all of you!! Spread the word if you know others that would like to write too!

Want to Join our Authors??? Apply Below!

Dr. Luck = Lucky???

Hi guys!

I know the blog has been kinda lacking on posts lately. Sometimes it is hard to try a new topic to write about, especially when you aren't going through treatments.

But...

I hope to start actively trying soon! I have an appointment early August with Dr. Luck (Mansfield, Texas). I picked her for her credentials and also hoping that she will be my lucky charm :o)

Other than that, not much to report.  We will be making some changes with blog design and hopefully adding some more authors!!! Keep an eye out for an application form!

In June a family member announced her pregnancy. Unfortunately she miscarried shortly after. Today I just found out that the mother of my Goddaughter is pregnant again!

Hope are you guys doing???

~Shannon

Special Guest Saturday: Candi

Sometimes love just isn't enough....

They say it is better to have loved and lost to never have loved at all.  I’m guessing whoever "they" is that thought they were so clever to say this never dealt with infertility or the loss that occurs when you lose a child.  I suppose that person has never gone from a place of extreme happiness to an all-time low.  And I suppose that person has never had to tell your husband who you have been ttc with for 12 years that you just experienced a chemical pregnancy aka miscarriage.  Some say it may be better to have loved and lost, but I disagree.  

We lost so much in that 5 minute phone call that we’ll never get back.  I never got to know what it feels like to feel our child(ren) grow inside me.  We never got to hear a heartbeat or wonder if we should buy pink or blue.  We never got to hold our child for the first time and count all their fingers and toes, wipe their tears, kiss their sweet head.  We never got to see a first step, hear a first word, bandage a boo-boo, mend a broken heart from their first love, celebrate a birthday or Christmas, shop for the prom, buy a first car, teach right from wrong, be proud at graduation, walk her down the aisle at her wedding or calm his nervous when he says he’s ready to propose.  We never got to see them rejoice when they purchase their first house or tell us they are pregnant and we will be grandparents.  We lost so much before we even had a chance to show our love.

We had only just found out we were pregnant 2 days prior but I already loved that baby with my whole heart and would have done anything to protect them.  We wanted that pregnancy more than anything in the world.  Our dreams were finally coming true and our prayers were answered.  I fell so deep in love with my baby(ies) the moment I heard “you’re pregnant” from my re’s office that my heart shattered in a million pieces when I was told it was over.  “This is some cruel joke” I remember saying.  2 months later and my heart still hurts from the loss.  After 12 years of ttc I had come to terms that I was part of the statistic of Infertility; part of the 7.3 million suffering daily.  I thought we had overcome infertility when we received our positive news.  I don’t know how to come to terms nor do I want to with the statistic of being part of the 20% of pregnancies that end in a miscarriage. Or become part of a group that has lost a baby to a chemical pregnancy which is so common almost 60% of first pregnancies that end like this.  We may never know the reason why our baby didn't survive.  I guess sometimes love just isn't enough to hold on to your miracle, no matter how much you try.   

All I have ever wanted was to be a mom; to have someone love me and depend on me; to give my husband a family.  It is an awful feeling when you find out that you can’t make your dreams a reality or when your reality is broken.  We have traveled the infertility road so long that I never thought there was anything that could hurt more.  Boy was I wrong!  We are now part of the group that has fought, won, loved and lost our miracle.  This pain hurts every day even when I try to push it away.  Just because I smile doesn’t mean I don’t ache.  Just because I laugh doesn’t mean I’m not crying inside.  Just because I love doesn’t mean my heart isn’t still broken.  We should be 3 months along right now.  Embracing all the changes, dealing with morning sickness, sneaking purchases of baby items when we still don’t know the sex(es).  I should be aggravating my husband with my cravings and needs.  However instead of everything we looked forward to, we are learning to survive and move on. 

We are currently on a break after this loss and another failed IUI.  We need some time for us and to prepare for another try.  We’ll try again one more time down the road because we don’t feel our time is done. I share all this with you not for you to feel sad or sorry for us, Lord knows I do that enough as it is, but to just keep the good thoughts, prayers and baby dust flowing our direction.  If you’re a mom or dad, hold your little one a bit tighter and be thankful for what you have.  Never take it for granted.  Love your miracles unconditionally because I know a group of at least 1,400 people out here suffering with infertility that would give it all to have that miracle. 

~*~*~I'm praying daily for every empty arm and broken heart.  ~*~*~

To follow Candi on her journey, please subscribe to her blog at

http://mylifedealingwithinfertility.blogspot.com/?m=1

Announcing the June 2013 Giveaway!!!

We have new giveaway starting now! It will run until June 30, 2013 at 11:59PM Central.

The goal: to get 300 likes on our Facebook page before the giveaway expires.

The prize:

How to enter?? Visit the page at the top labeled "June 2013 Giveaway" and fill out the entry form!

If we reach 300 likes, one lucky entrant will be randomly selected to receive this beautiful necklace!

Want to increase your odds???? Make sure to like us on Facebook and follow the blog!

Fertile/Infertile Fridays: A whole list of randomness

            Okay, to those who saw my emotional breakdown last night over yet ANOTHER pregnancy announcement, I am truly sorry. Some days or nights it gets to me more than others, last night was one of those nights. Perhaps its because she has had 3 different boyfriends in the last six months. Or perhaps its because I'm super hormonal and emotional...which brings me to my next topic.
            So I'm somewhat thinking since I decided to take this month off of the BC since I got it so late, I think even going off it for this month may have screwed up regulating my cycles already. The last couple months while I was on it, my periods ranged from 28 to 30 days. Although maybe its too soon to tell. Its only CD 32 so no need to freak out about I guess. Theres a very very very very very slimmer of hope that I have that this time could me that magical month...but...realistically I know not to think that. I'm just so worried about messing this all up (regulating my cycles) when I don't even want be on birth control in the first place. Maybe since my emotions are so out of whack its means AF will be here soon. Idk. I am really thinking about telling the doctor I don't want to do the BC anyways, but Im not sure. On one hand I feel like its pointless, on the other hand I see his point on wanting to try and regulate my cycles. Hopefully if I do the juicing like Steph suggested in the previous blog (Thanks Steph!), then maybe I will be able to at least get somewhere. That's another thing, this dieting and exercising has gone absolutely nowhere for me, in fact I'm GAINING weight. Ugh, so needless to say I think I need to try a different approach. So, I am really thankful for Steph's advice and suggestions. Thanks so much!
           Okay, so maybe this next topic will make some people angry and I'm really sorry if it does. However, I am so sick of not knowing what I want to do with my life, its probably so stupid and retarded that I have been ttc for so long way before I even knew what I want to do like career wise. I have tried to do like career aptitude tests and things like that. I still have no clue. People ask me what I have always pictured myself doing and other than being a mother I have no idea. Being a stay at home mom is out of the question though whenever I am able to have children. So hopefully I will figure all this out soon. I just feel like my life is so ridiculously out of place and I don't feel like I know how to get control of it. I keep praying for God to direct my path. I hope I figure out what to do soon though. I feel at a loss as of right now. It makes me feel so unsuccessful and like I have nothing to show for myself and that I'm lazy or something. It's not that I don't want to do anything with my life, I'm just scared to go to college and have debts of student loans and not even finish school because I change my mind or something.  Has anyone else battled this? What did you do to solve it? I need some help lol.

Oh one other topic really quick, is it weird for me to not want to talk to my husband about my emotions through this infertility/PCOS journey? Its not that I'm concerned about his feelings. Its just, I don't feel he understands and I just annoy him with my emotions about it. I'm conflicted about whether to tell him how I feel when I am hurting. Yes I do long for his support, however I just know how he is, and I just really think I would get on his nerves which would make the situation worse for both of us.
Oh I lied, one more topic. I am SOOO not ready for next month. I wish I could skip the whole freaking month all together. Number one: the dreaded mothers day (my heart sank just typing that). Number two: I am invited to like 3 baby showers as of right now for May. Number 3: May 21st marks 8 years since my mother has passed away. She passed away when I was 15.As several of you know, my father passed away in late February this year as well. I hate how doom and gloom I can be, and I am sooo sorry to vent about it. It's just hard. I'm now parentless and childish and not even that close to 30. Oh well, things could be worse. I know God has a plan, I just wish I knew how to control my emotions better. Oh June is a stupid month too now that I think about it. I lost my niece 7 years ago this June (my poor sister, idk how she did it, losing her mother and daughter within 12 months and 2weeks of each other. She is a strong woman indeed), and of course fathers day is in June, and the birthday of mine and my husbands best friend/brother in law that we lost in December of 11 to a drunk driver. So yeah May and June...not looking forward to those. Can't we just skip to July? lol I'm jk. Okay for real, I am so sorry for that Debbie Downer moment just there. I probably look like the most depressed person ever, but I promise I'm not.
Well I'm off to get ready to have a night out with one of my best friends. After I night like last night, I really need it. I hope everything is going well for everyone else. Have a great weekend everyone!-Sheila