Good night fur baby...

We lost a beloved fur baby today. "P" has been with us since 2004/2005 (when we got him is a little foggy at the moment). Hubby and I were still in the dating phase but my uncle had rescued him from a boxer rescue. His name was Elmo back then. Someone took him to the rescue after he had been hit by a truck. He was badly malnourished. You could see every single bone in his body and he had a bald spot on his hip from where they put a pin to fix his broken leg. He was a sad sight but still a beautiful dog. My uncle didn't want to keep him after a month because Elmo had some behavioral problems. So we asked if we could have him. We did not live together nor married nor engaged. Soooo how did we think we were going to manage this? Like a divorced couple with kids lol. His mom said P could not spend the night and my dad said P could not be there if I wasn't home so I would drop P off on my way to work and pick him up on my way home. That or my hubby wold bring him by later when he would come over to visit me. We did this until my house was built and I moved to it before we got married (I moved alone btw)
P just needed a lot of work and patience and he stopped tearing any papers to little shreds. He was a really good dog and sooooo awesome with kids. It makes me so sad that I didn't have kids of my own to climb all over him.
We were out of town and on the way to the airport when we got the call from my mil and SIL. My mil just had the loss of her mother a few weeks ago and the hurt is still fresh, I felt so bad that she had to be the one to find him. He's been hurting for a little while now so it is better for him I just feel so bad, he was still our fur baby. Both of our fur babies from before we were married are both resting eternally now :-( we are down to little Z (mini schnauzer) and big boy D (out cat, which we may need to rehome... But I can't bring myself to do that now)

Fur babies are sometimes all we get for comfort in our IF journey. They help us pass the time and help to feed our need to fill that baby void. I'm going to miss P but I know he's not hurting no more...

CD19: One of THOSE Days

Today is CD19. I had to go in to get bloodwork done to check my progesterone levels (to see if I ovulated).

After seeing my home LH tests... I have no hope that I ovulated. Here is the pic from CD9 (last day of clomid) to today:

(I was kinda dehydrated for the one that is yellower than the rest)

Kind of a downer on my day.

And I did this during lunch time so afterward I stopped at BK on the way back... And the lady in the drive-thru was pregnant. Lovely.

Day hasn't gotten much better. I know what the results are going to say.

This is honestly the hardest part of infertility: trying to remain hopeful even though, time and time again, it just doesn't happen. And I don't just have my battle with PCOS, I don't ovulate PERIOD.

On my mind has been this song (below). A friend put it on facebook and I think of husband throughout the song. But there are certain verses and parts of the chorus that make me think of this infertility journey. Enjoy :)