Fertile/Infertile Fridays: A whole list of randomness

            Okay, to those who saw my emotional breakdown last night over yet ANOTHER pregnancy announcement, I am truly sorry. Some days or nights it gets to me more than others, last night was one of those nights. Perhaps its because she has had 3 different boyfriends in the last six months. Or perhaps its because I'm super hormonal and emotional...which brings me to my next topic.
            So I'm somewhat thinking since I decided to take this month off of the BC since I got it so late, I think even going off it for this month may have screwed up regulating my cycles already. The last couple months while I was on it, my periods ranged from 28 to 30 days. Although maybe its too soon to tell. Its only CD 32 so no need to freak out about I guess. Theres a very very very very very slimmer of hope that I have that this time could me that magical month...but...realistically I know not to think that. I'm just so worried about messing this all up (regulating my cycles) when I don't even want be on birth control in the first place. Maybe since my emotions are so out of whack its means AF will be here soon. Idk. I am really thinking about telling the doctor I don't want to do the BC anyways, but Im not sure. On one hand I feel like its pointless, on the other hand I see his point on wanting to try and regulate my cycles. Hopefully if I do the juicing like Steph suggested in the previous blog (Thanks Steph!), then maybe I will be able to at least get somewhere. That's another thing, this dieting and exercising has gone absolutely nowhere for me, in fact I'm GAINING weight. Ugh, so needless to say I think I need to try a different approach. So, I am really thankful for Steph's advice and suggestions. Thanks so much!
           Okay, so maybe this next topic will make some people angry and I'm really sorry if it does. However, I am so sick of not knowing what I want to do with my life, its probably so stupid and retarded that I have been ttc for so long way before I even knew what I want to do like career wise. I have tried to do like career aptitude tests and things like that. I still have no clue. People ask me what I have always pictured myself doing and other than being a mother I have no idea. Being a stay at home mom is out of the question though whenever I am able to have children. So hopefully I will figure all this out soon. I just feel like my life is so ridiculously out of place and I don't feel like I know how to get control of it. I keep praying for God to direct my path. I hope I figure out what to do soon though. I feel at a loss as of right now. It makes me feel so unsuccessful and like I have nothing to show for myself and that I'm lazy or something. It's not that I don't want to do anything with my life, I'm just scared to go to college and have debts of student loans and not even finish school because I change my mind or something.  Has anyone else battled this? What did you do to solve it? I need some help lol.

Oh one other topic really quick, is it weird for me to not want to talk to my husband about my emotions through this infertility/PCOS journey? Its not that I'm concerned about his feelings. Its just, I don't feel he understands and I just annoy him with my emotions about it. I'm conflicted about whether to tell him how I feel when I am hurting. Yes I do long for his support, however I just know how he is, and I just really think I would get on his nerves which would make the situation worse for both of us.
Oh I lied, one more topic. I am SOOO not ready for next month. I wish I could skip the whole freaking month all together. Number one: the dreaded mothers day (my heart sank just typing that). Number two: I am invited to like 3 baby showers as of right now for May. Number 3: May 21st marks 8 years since my mother has passed away. She passed away when I was 15.As several of you know, my father passed away in late February this year as well. I hate how doom and gloom I can be, and I am sooo sorry to vent about it. It's just hard. I'm now parentless and childish and not even that close to 30. Oh well, things could be worse. I know God has a plan, I just wish I knew how to control my emotions better. Oh June is a stupid month too now that I think about it. I lost my niece 7 years ago this June (my poor sister, idk how she did it, losing her mother and daughter within 12 months and 2weeks of each other. She is a strong woman indeed), and of course fathers day is in June, and the birthday of mine and my husbands best friend/brother in law that we lost in December of 11 to a drunk driver. So yeah May and June...not looking forward to those. Can't we just skip to July? lol I'm jk. Okay for real, I am so sorry for that Debbie Downer moment just there. I probably look like the most depressed person ever, but I promise I'm not.
Well I'm off to get ready to have a night out with one of my best friends. After I night like last night, I really need it. I hope everything is going well for everyone else. Have a great weekend everyone!-Sheila

Wonder Wednesday: weight loss with PCOS

Exercising sucks because its better to do with a friend but when your friend loses a ton of weight and you only manage to lose water weight and/or gain weight, it sucks. Then diets don't work... What's a girl to do?! When I first went to an Obgyn for pcos he prescribed me weight loss pills, I think it was fenedrin? Something like that. Those worked! But as soon as I stopped taking them the weight would just pile on fast. Also, you can't try to get pregnant taking it, oh and it messes with your heart. So I don't recommend that.
Next I tried weight watchers. That worked for a little while but I couldn't get past 12 lbs! Grrr... Even adding exercise, it never really worked for me. Not to toot my own horn but for my size I'm in pretty decent cardio health and flexible. I can drop it like its hot and get back up with no prob lol. But I'm a big girl. People forget that I can run, bike, and walk for long periods of time. So obviously exercising doesn't really work that well for weight loss for me. Although running works the best for me.
A little over a year ago my hubby and I saw a documentary called fat sick and nearly dead. It was about a guy who was sick of taking medicines to mask his ailments. He went to basics of fruits and veggies to see if they could heal him. After that documentary I was curious about seeing if it would help my pcos. We researched a lot and decided to start juicing. We would make a morning juice for breakfast to get used to it. Then we bought an actual juicer and started a juice fast. We would have a juice for breakfast, morning snack, lunch, and afternoon snack. For dinner we would have organic non GMO healthy meal and focused on whole grains. Within 2 weeks my period started. I thought it was a fluke and carried on... 28 days later, it came again... This happened December, January, February, March, and April. I was also taking Maca supplement in conjunction with juicing. We used a book by Elaine LaLaine called Total Juicing for recipes or just inspiration for juices. We juiced mainly parsley, kale, collard greens and spinach, along with good fruits. I lost weight during this time but did not keep track of how much. If I had to guess it was around 25 lbs. I wasn't exercising at all even though I probably should have been. It was amazing how much energy I had and my skin started to clear up. I tracked one month and didn't ovulate but it regulated my period so I'm thinking it may have started to work if I had given it more time but we were at our year mark to do ivf and so I went in and did that. I really think that those months of juicing prepared my body for the ivf and it took! Would it have worked without the juicing? Maybe but I'll never know.
I'll share some of my juicing recipes on this blog when I find my recipe book that I scribbled "winners" in.

Mrs Red

What a year it has been

Shannon and I got together around this time last year and talked about setting up a blog to reach other women dealing with infertility issues. Very quickly she put the plan into action. It sure has been one heck of a year since then!

When we started the blog I was "juicing" and to my surprise it was actually regulating my periods! I have always been one of those girls who just has never had a regular cycle so that was crazy. I did try to monitor ovulation but I never did get a positive OPK. I think the regularity was a good sign that I could eventually ovulate on my own but as my birthday approached, I prayed and prayed and felt God was telling me it was time for IVF but I had to take it on his time and not do what I could to rush it. I called the doctor and they said on my next day 1 to call and set up an appt for day 3 and to get on birth control for that month. That stunk because I was on day 3 the day I called but I wasn't going to rush it. So I kept monitoring OPKs and still nothing. The next cycle I called and we went to be reevaluated since it had been a year since my last treatments.

First they redid my saline HSG which hurt just as much as it did the other 2 times... They thought my fibroids were back and I was devastated! That would mean another surgery and 2 more months before I could do anything. Well the doctor took a look and said he thought maybe the nurse just got under my uterine lining and that he wasn't going to make me go through the trauma of surgery for that and if I wanted to we would continue as planned. After talking to him more we went with his suggestion.
We started injections at the end of April after an exhausting battle with the insurance and help from great pharmacy friends who got us the best deals on medicine to make best use of the last bit of insurance we had. I am truly and forever grateful to them because they saved us from having to be in tremendous debt! I budgeted for treatments with my hubby's insurance and only for the one. We really needed every dime we had.
May 4th we went to do our egg retrieval. May 5th we got the call that 20+ eggs were fertilized. May 7th we went for the transfer. May 14 we went for my first bloodwork. May 15 we were at the clinic with OHSS. May 21 we went for the pregnancy test that I thought would be another BFN, at noon my hubby answered the phone with the call that changed our lives forever: we're pregnant.
I can't complain at all about the experience so far. We have been very lucky with symptoms and complications. I think I've experienced every symptom at some point but even then it hasn't been extreme.
This year hasn't been so great for everyone and I feel guilty to be on the other side of the fence, but I truly believe everyone of you has your great year coming, I know it will! IVF isn't cheap even with insurance so I know it's not for everyone but if you can save or budget a loan, it's worth a shot. I wish all of you a great 2013 and hope you all find health and what makes you happy!

~Mrs Red

Some New Changes!!!

Changes to the blog, not me personally :o)

Fighting for Fertility officially has a twitter! You can find us by the email: f4ftweets@fighting4fertility.org.in or by the name @Fight4Fertility

Also, we each have individual emails that you can contact us by if you have questions::
Shannon - PCOS, inexpensive options, vitamins:
shannonw@fighting4fertility.org.in

Steph aka Mrs. Red - IVF success, clomid:
stephaniet@fighting4fertility.org.in

Ashley - IVF success, mom of twins:
ashleyh@fighting4fertility.org.in

Molly - PCOS:
mollyk@fighting4fertility.org.in

Sheila - vitamins, undiagnosed:
sheilah@fighting4fertility.org.in

Jessica - PCOS, vitamins:
jessicad@fighting4fertility.org.in

Leah - PCOS, fibromyalgia, fostering, adoption:
leahb@fighting4fertility.org.in

Don't forget! You can also find us on Facebook!