How is the baby thing going? – If you have been trying for a while and your friends and family know, you will eventually hear these words. I dread these words, even though most of the time they are well meaning. I hear them quite often from old coworkers, friends from High School, people from Daniel’s first duty station. These people aren’t trying to hurt me, or make me sad or angry. Those 6 little words- they can break your heart over and over again. In just those 6 little words I am reminded that 3 years ago we decided to turn our family into one of 3. That after all the arguments from Clomid mood swings, the shots, the money and time spent, everything we are still a family of two. What most drunken teenagers do on accident, my body has refused to do even with medical coercion. So most of the time I just smile and say it’s going ok, when I want to cry, scream and run away all at the same time. How do you explain to someone that it breaks your heart to hear those words? That every time I’m asked all the emotions of the past three years seems to come rushing back? It’s the pain that I felt every month when I saw everybody around me announcing they were pregnant, or the frustration of not getting a Dr. to listen to me- even when I knew something wasn’t right. It’s the fear every month when I had to go get the trigger shot, and the overwhelming sadness two weeks later when the BFN was staring me in the face. I know that I can get a little over sensitive according to members of my family. But you can’t control an emotional reaction. For me, I would rather have somebody walk up and slap my face, because it would be less painful.
