Why does it still seem not real though? I told my hubby at the first 12 weeks of ultrasounds I felt like the doctors wee just showing me a video. A prerecord video of how far they say I am and just add my name and stuff, yes I guess that makes me a conspiracy nut job lol. I kept saying, maybe when I feel the baby move it will become real.... Nope, because then I said maybe its gas. The first few times it really feels like gas or flutters. So then I said, maybe when I can see the movement. Well folks, I've been able to see my stomach move for about a week and I swear I'm not looking at myself.
Then my mom is planning my baby shower for the second weekend in November and she talks to me about it and all I can think is "MY" baby shower? That makes me cry. Not because I'm sad but because I never though I'd say that. I still feel like its all a dream. The journey has been so long and so hard to get here, I can't believe it's really happening!
I guess part of my disbelief is also because I guess I've been 'lucky' and not had too many problems other than the OHSS at the beginning and the fall down the stairs at 9 weeks, which makes my fertile Myrtle SIL very jealous since she had non stop morning sickness the whole 40 weeks. And then her constantly mentioning that fact makes me think, maybe it IS a dream. How weird how IF effects us and taints everything!
I'm so grateful to God and to modern science, which without either I really believe this wouldn't have been possible. I am still jealous of those who can "get pregnant" but I am very happy that IVF worked for us.
I don't know if I am going to even believe this when we bring her home, my daughter, God I never thought I'd be able to say those words, my daughter. Now I'm bawling... Ok maybe saying this all "out loud" or rather typing it for the world to see, maybe now I can believe this is really happening.
I hope and pray every single one of you reading this gets your miracle someday (and hopefully soon), and I hope by then you aren't as jaded as I am by IF and believe it is real the whole time and just truly enjoy the blessing.
-Mrs Red
