Nine Years

I have thought of writing this post in several different ways. But after nine years of treatment, it doesn't feel like there is much more to say. We have come a long way and done a lot in the past nine years.

Nine years ago I was 21 and DH was 22. We lived in a duplex and had his younger brother (16) living with us. We had a 1 year old black lab. Decent jobs (he is still at the same one!) and weren't doing too bad. We decided to try having a baby, even though I'd already been off birth control for a while. And that is how our infertiliity journey started. And, thankfully, he has stuck by my side the entire time.

In the last 9 years we have done 2 HSGs, 11 rounds of clomid with timed intercourse, 1 ovarian drilling surgical procedure with hysteroscopy, and 2 rounds of IUI with clomid AND injections.

Infertility is such an emotional and heartbreaking journey that there are several years of non-BC breaks throughout the 9 year period.

We considered adoption and after one potential fall through we decided that the emotional toll would be too great for us at this time.

Our next step? IVF.

We had our consult April 10th. Since then I have had an HSG done again (much better than my first experience!) and a sono to check on my ovaries. We have discussed IVF variation options and pricing and have a plan. We are hopeful that this is it and will finally work. All I have to do is lose 18 lbs before CD 35 (if no period) and then we can begin.

But now we are waiting. And I forgot how HORRIBLE the waiting is. You say you'll be fine, you've had to do all sorts of waiting before, but you become obsessed with information and wish the days could go by faster so you could just START. It is difficult to distract yourself because IVF is like a thought bubble in your head that won't pop. You eat, sleep, and DREAM about it. You buy books, make mock-up calendars, and an IVF organizational binder. You luck up IVF and infertility charms and special clothes for ER (egg retrieval) day and transfer day. You join IVF support groups on facebook and it ends up flooding your newsfeed so that is all you see and therefore can't stop thinking about. People ask questions, you gladly tell them because you are excited, and then realize that any positive pregnancy announcement won't be a surprise and that part kinda sucks. May 17th needs to get here soon and these remaining 14 lbs need to disappear ASAP.

I thought after all these years I've learned patience. Apparently not. I even agreed with the doctor that I wouldn't do any HPT before the blood draw after transfer... Yeah, I have a feeling I won't be as strong as I initially thought about that.

This week is NIAW. Seeing the number of friends, family, and people that are dealing with infertility is just overwhelming. It is devastating knowing that so many of us are going through issues with infertility, whether it is at the beginning of the spectrum or the end, it sucks for everyone to have to deal with it for even 1 day. But, you are not alone. You've read some of what I've been through, especially if you have followed this blog for the last.... 5 (?) years. Ask us questions. Find us on our facebook page. I wish you all luck and baby dust.

Shannon

Shannon Gets a Surprise and Plans Her Next Step

Yesterday was CD64.

Before I continue, did I tell you I did the parsley tea?? No? Ok... So I tried the tea. Got down one glass (with some sugar while holding my nose). Then didn't drink anymore. That was 2 weeks ago..

For the past week I had been complaining to Steph about my boobs being sore. Annoyingly sore. Since I don't get period warnings I was HOPING it would be a sign of pregnancy, regardless of the bloodwork results from CD 26. She insisted that maybe my period was about to start.

Who won??

Well... yesterday AF arrived.

As disappointed as I was, I was wanting it to come so I could move on.

Because my doctor hasn't called me back and I'm too busy/offended to call HER, I decided that this cycle I am going to try the GNC Fertility Blend for Women. I thought about buying the men's too, even though his numbers are AWESOME, but that is yet ANOTHER $40 for something I can't guarantee he would even take.

So, $40 for 1 month (90 pills = 3 pills per day) I will take these pills and plan on adding my vitamins back into my diet too... I've been so discouraged lately (for the past month) that I haven't even bothered with taking them either.

If I'm not pregnant with this cycle, I will call the doctor again and up my dosage of Clomid.

I also plan on tackling DH so we can sit down and discuss or fertility plan. This road looks like it is just getting harder and I want to have a plan set.

Awesome People

I have a really negative post that I have been wanting to post for the last couple days and just haven't gotten around to it.

But now I can't do that because I read the most AMAZING thing on Facebook today. Yes, Facebook.

At first I was upset because I saw that another friend and his girlfriend were at the hospital and she was in labor. They have only been together since November. (insert sad face here)

But as I read the comments following the hospital announcement, my friend stated that they weren't his twins, but that she was a surrogate/gestational carrier for another couple!

That has moved me to the point of tears right now.

You don't hear about people doing that much these days, mainly because it is SOO expensive.

I'll write about surrogate/gestational carrier more on another day.

Just dwell on the love and giving of one woman to another couple.

That is purely amazing.

Silent Blogger

When starting this blog with a few friends, I had initially intended to be an informer of PCOS and infertility but didn't know when I would be doing fertility treatments myself. DH and I had decided we would wait til Aug 2012 and go from there on what we wanted to do. Either wait 2 more years until nursing school was over or just steam ahead.

Sometimes other people's decisions affect our own.

As we all know, Mother's Day was last weekend (sorry for the reminder!). Saturday evening the night before, I FINALLY heard back from the nursing school I applied to. I was rejected for the Fall 2012 semester start. Just what I wanted to hear on that weekend, as though it wasn't bad enough.

I didn't know how to react to that. I had expected it, deep down, but still hopeful. Kinda like how I feel whenever I do fertility treatments. Didn't expect it to work but hoped it would.

DH reassured me that everything was ok and this and that. They next morning he picked his words carefully and explained that he viewed it as a sign. Postponing school with no choice, his mom moving out (which isn't happening now...), and summer coming so his second job wouldn't be as stressful was like the pieces coming together. We need to focus on building our family.

So, Monday morning I called my previous OB doctor that also does minor infertility treatments and set an appointment. I expected the standard 2-3 month wait like the first time I went. Imagine my surprise when they said I could be in on THURSDAY!

The days passed and I got giddy and nervous and finally I was at her office.

She is a nice doctor. The only way I can describe her is that she is very professional and sometimes that makes me feel awkward because she doesn't tend to small talk or converse unless promoted, especially if she is entering notes on the laptop (they have a computer file system there). Me, being the socially awkward person in an awkward 1-on-1 situation provided plenty of small talk hoping to make both of us relax and she talked a little more... Anywho...

We discussed my options and she agreed that we would start clomid 50 mg once this cycle of BC was done. Luckily I had decided to start taking it back in January so that ended up cutting off three months of wait time. She also sent a prescription for metformin since it tends to help the clomid out.

I'm excited. AF should start in a week and we will go from there.

How do I feel about all this? Excited. BUT I don't think it will work. I'm hopeful that it will but don't  think it is probable. I guess I'd rather expect the worse so the letdown isn't as hard. We shall see :)

OH! And my insurance doesn't cover ANY infertility, not even clomid so the breakdown:
CVS Pharmacy
Clomid $19.09 for 5 pills (50 mg each) which breaks down to $3.818 per pill
Metformin $1.30 for 1 month (covered by insurance)

Last time we went through this (Spring 2009) Clomid was $18 a pill and generic was $1.80 (Walmart). We decided to just go ahead and splurge on brand name this time :)

Question #24

24. How has your financial situation affected your infertility journey?

Shannon:

Fertility treatments can get expensive, especially if you are referred to an RE. When you find out the clomid treatments are $1000 (including sonos)... That is a LOT of money. Not in the long run, I know. And definitely not the most expensive. But that would be EVERY MONTH of treatment. We have a hard time saving it up. Usually when we get close, something else comes up!

Mrs Red:

My hubby and I had a bad habit before marriage of putting everything on credit so we have a mountain of credit debt, plus now a mortgage... So most of our money goes to that. When I worked for a mutual fund company my insurance didn't cover it and we weren't all for paying out of pocket. I ended up quitting my job of 7 years and stayed out of work for 5 months getting out of depression and trying to 'just relax and get pregnant' didn't work. So I started working again and we realized when we switched insurances to my hubby's his work covered infertility treatments!!! So we started them because even if we didn't have much spare money, it was ok because the insurance covered a lot of it. I have been very blessed with my new job because it affords us to pay down our debt without acquiring more and still do treatments. We have only done 3 rounds of iui but it's still a lot even with insurance. We are waiting to pay down more debt before we plunge into ivf this summer. Let's pray we can continue on that path incase our healthier lifestyle change doesn't bring us a baby :-)



Ashley:
Unfortunately I feel this whole journey is driven by finances and will power. We pay everything out of pocket and I'm not sure how but we have found some way to move forward without taking much time off between treatments. My husband owns a business with a business partner and the business does very well but they don't draw much of a wage because they want to pay everything off as soon as possible (which I understand because they are starting their 4 year) but it does get frustrating going through this journey because I feel like if we were a "normal" household with two incomes we could have done things a little quicker & less stressful financially. We've used the money that he makes to pay for our fertility treatments since we usually live off of my income for everything else. So for the most part it has worked out. We are just starting IVF in which we did have to barrow a small portion of the amount, which has been the first time we've had to do that. We do not like debt and the only debt we have is our home, business and now $5500 for IVF. That also helps keep my stress level down.