Jessica's Pregnant!

We accidentally found out that I was pregnant- yep. I didn't take the test because I had any kind of hope that our final round of clomid worked before went on to IUI.


 I had bought a pack of ovulation tests- the kind that includes a HPT in the package. So when I bought that pack I just took the HPT out and put it in the cabinet and forgot about it. Later in the cycle I was digging through the cabinet trying to find something-can't remember what at this point, and stumbled across the test. I took it out and placed it on the counter. That Saturday I was tired of seeing it on the counter so I decided to just take it, see that it was negative, and throw it away. So I took it and proceeded to pass out and not look at it until around 5am when I woke up again to use the restroom. OMG... there is a second line there... that's an evap. No way. Well.... maybe I should take another test just to make sure. Sunday morning when my husband and I woke up I told him that we need to go to the store and pick up some tests. That I didn't want to get my hopes up but the chepo test I took last night might have been positive- but it could just as easily be an evap line. He said it would just be faster if he went on his own and ran off to Walmart to get the tests. When he came back I went and took it. We went into the other room and waited and went back. I looked at the test and Daniel asked if it was positive or negative... I said I think I'm crazy because I see the second line! I handed him the test and he could see it too. We took the 2nd test in the box (Who WOULDN'T) it came up an even DARKER positive. We were completely in shock... I had no hope that anything would happen. when we got to see he midwife she sent us in for a dating ultrasound and we got to see our little jelly bean and hear the heartbeat. I never though I would ever be here. Its honestly been very surreal.

Here's what I was on-

150 MG Clomid CD 5-9
recommended dosage of Ovaboost (approved by my DR)
one a day women's prenatal soft gels (I read somewhere that your body will adsorb more of the nutrients because it doesn't have to break it down from a solid.)
I also went on a grain free, sugar free, low diary diet with lots of avocados and fish and coconut oil. I lost 25 LBS that month!

Well that's kinda our story so far... Hopefully it will give someone so hope. We tried everything we could think of for 5.5 years and something finally worked!

Wonder Wednesday: how to act when trying to become pregnant

Reader question: hey gals, when ttc, do you act any different or just continue your lifestyle until you get a positive?

Short answer: when trying to get pregnant, act pregnant from the moment Aunt Flo leaves til she comes back!

Long answer: you never know when you will get pregnant. Would you want to risk losing a baby because you went on a weekend bender with the girlfriends? The general rule of thumb that any "get pregnant" book will tell you is that if you are trying to get pregnant, cut out all anti baby things out of your lifestyle. That means if you are a chronic caffeine addict, cut it out. Caffeine can actually lower your chances of getting pregnant. Caffeine is really a drug. An evil addictive drug! Not good for your body when over consumed so if you must have that latte, make it ONE medium coffee a day and work on cutting that out since you really shouldn't consume caffeine pregnant. There are studies that it causes ADHD or something. Then everyone knows you shouldn't consume alcohol pregnant so that should be cut out as well. Alcohol has been linked to birth defects and birth defects could be fatal to babies. What if you get pregnant and you drank to much alcohol and it caused a birth defect? The first 4 weeks the neural tube forms. This is the most common birth defect associated with alcohol. If you don't have a strong baby then it could cause a miscarriage or preterm labor. Neural tube defects could cause either of those things to happen. So don't do it! 

Other things you want to avoid are lifting too much weight or crazy death defying stunts that you wouldn't do pregnant. Now for crazy things I want to do I try to schedule them when AF is in town or shortly after.  Same pretty much with drinking away sorrows of another month gone by. 

I am always optimistic that "this will be the month" so yes I cut all caffeine out of my diet at one point and pretty much don't really consume alcohol almost ever. Just in case. 

Farewell Post

Hey everyone!

This is my farewell post…I’m sad to be “retiring” as an author but I will be back to make some guest posts once the baby comes.

As most of you know, in April we found out that we were expecting and it was a complete shock. My sister had just lost her baby and we were all so stressed out and my husband and I had only DTD ONE time that cycle. I never expected to fall pregnant that month. I really think it happened because of God and the fact that the month before I had the HSG done to check my tubes for any blockages and I think it just cleared out my tubes. I am so grateful for the blessings that have come to us over the past 5 months. We’ve also just moved and are trying to get settled in before December! We find out on July 31^st if it is a boy or a girl and I will be very content either way.

I pray for all of you ladies everyday and I know that it is only a matter of time until you all become THE GREATEST mommies. I know there’s nothing I can say to really help because I’ve totally been there. I wish you call the best of luck and please know that you can always find me on Facebook and message me ANYTIME you’d like/need to talk to someone.

Hugs and Love to all of you strong, beautiful women!

Molly

Ashley's Update

Hey everyone, I'm so sorry I've been so out of touch.  Life has been very busy with the boys and going back to work.  However, even though I haven't been posting doesn't mean I'm not reading or thinking about you all.  As dates went by in February, March and now April, it brings me back to the huge milestones in the past 3 years, especially last year going through IVF.  I think another reason I've backed off (besides not having much time) is I remember like it was yesterday how I felt about hearing about others who had babies and I didn't.  So I know there is nothing I can say or do to make each of your situations better.  All I can try to do is give you hope and advice if you want it.  I don't want to rub it in anyone's face that I got pregnant and have two babies.  I just want to support everyone and help as I'm needed.  I know I'll always have bitter feelings towards those who take getting pregnant for granted, however it's a hard place to be in because I'm not in the same position as I was before I got pregnant.  For the first time in over 3 years I feel happy, complete and back to my old self.  I told my husband a few weeks ago - I never, ever want to feel that way again.  Meaning those two LONG years of active treatments every months with multiple doctors visits monthly, were by far the worst years of my life.  But it was truly worth every single tear and angry moment I went through.  I am here for you all, praying every moment.

I am also sad to say my very best friend who's wedding I didn't get to stand up in, in August because I was put on bed rest two days before, was diagnosed with PCOS in January.  She is still in the early stages of all the works, but it just brings back all of my bad memories that I hope she doesn't have to go through.

Bless you all and baby dust 2013 is the year :) 

Wonder Wednesday: weight loss with PCOS

Exercising sucks because its better to do with a friend but when your friend loses a ton of weight and you only manage to lose water weight and/or gain weight, it sucks. Then diets don't work... What's a girl to do?! When I first went to an Obgyn for pcos he prescribed me weight loss pills, I think it was fenedrin? Something like that. Those worked! But as soon as I stopped taking them the weight would just pile on fast. Also, you can't try to get pregnant taking it, oh and it messes with your heart. So I don't recommend that.
Next I tried weight watchers. That worked for a little while but I couldn't get past 12 lbs! Grrr... Even adding exercise, it never really worked for me. Not to toot my own horn but for my size I'm in pretty decent cardio health and flexible. I can drop it like its hot and get back up with no prob lol. But I'm a big girl. People forget that I can run, bike, and walk for long periods of time. So obviously exercising doesn't really work that well for weight loss for me. Although running works the best for me.
A little over a year ago my hubby and I saw a documentary called fat sick and nearly dead. It was about a guy who was sick of taking medicines to mask his ailments. He went to basics of fruits and veggies to see if they could heal him. After that documentary I was curious about seeing if it would help my pcos. We researched a lot and decided to start juicing. We would make a morning juice for breakfast to get used to it. Then we bought an actual juicer and started a juice fast. We would have a juice for breakfast, morning snack, lunch, and afternoon snack. For dinner we would have organic non GMO healthy meal and focused on whole grains. Within 2 weeks my period started. I thought it was a fluke and carried on... 28 days later, it came again... This happened December, January, February, March, and April. I was also taking Maca supplement in conjunction with juicing. We used a book by Elaine LaLaine called Total Juicing for recipes or just inspiration for juices. We juiced mainly parsley, kale, collard greens and spinach, along with good fruits. I lost weight during this time but did not keep track of how much. If I had to guess it was around 25 lbs. I wasn't exercising at all even though I probably should have been. It was amazing how much energy I had and my skin started to clear up. I tracked one month and didn't ovulate but it regulated my period so I'm thinking it may have started to work if I had given it more time but we were at our year mark to do ivf and so I went in and did that. I really think that those months of juicing prepared my body for the ivf and it took! Would it have worked without the juicing? Maybe but I'll never know.
I'll share some of my juicing recipes on this blog when I find my recipe book that I scribbled "winners" in.

Mrs Red

In shock...

Hey everyone! I haven written in a while because we've kind of been on a break from ttc because we had plans to see our fertility specialist next week. In the past month I've lost my nephew, started a new full time job and been completely busy. I woke up this morning and felt so off. I took THREE wondfo hpts and each one of them looked like they may have had a line but I wasn't sure if it was real or an evap line. I took TWO clear blue digitals and they both came up as POSITIVE! I freaked out and called the doctor and went in for blood work and they confirmed that I'm pregnant! I'm entering into my 5th week and I just can't believe it. God is so good. I will continue to support all of you and will pray for each and every one of you!!

Maniac Mondays

 I'm a day late in writing this, but here is my day in regards to yesterday. So, yesterday was an AWESOME DAY....NOT! Of course we had all the "I'm pregnant April fools jokes" yeah...not funny. Then I find out a girl I know really IS pregnant. Her daughter is almost 7 weeks old. This girl isn't lying either. She posted pics of her papers from her doctor and everything so people would believe her. She has 4 KIDS already! Not only that, but her boyfriends daughter is about a year and a half old. So that makes 5, pregnant with the 6th! And her daughter is 7 weeks old!!!!! That is ridiculous.......and I think she *may* be considering an abortion from some of the things she is saying. Horrible =( She posted a screenshot of explicit texts between her and her boyfriend a few weeks ago about how they were going to have sex and somebody asked if her doctor even cleared her for that and she said no. Real smart lady...way to go. Ughhh I kind of feel so stupid for being so jealous and mad and outraged, but REALLY???!!! Then I reposted the pic about not putting the im pregnant april fools joke out of respect of those who have lost babies, have endured years of ivf and infertility annnnd my stepmoms friend commented on it VERY RUDELY to me. She called me stupid (along with a bunch of other rude words she called me), and demanded I deleted it. Didn't even have the decency to private message me about it. Just went on to pretty much "yell" at me in front of everyone. I put the pic up out of respect to all you ladies, my sister and many other friends I have that are either dealing with infertility and/or who have suffered through miscarriages. I went on to ask the woman if she even know the background of the lady who made the pic (I had the opportunity to read that, thanks to Shannon for putting that up. Thanks Shannon!=D) and her response was "idc, do you know the background of my friend who lost a baby?" then my best friend commented on it and said "Sheila is just putting this up because she knows a lot of people who have miscarriages and stuff and doesn't want to see them hurt" and she went on to repeat herself and say "idc, do you know the background of my friend that lost a baby?" So anyways I deleted the pic and sent her a private message saying
"Im sorry I upset you earlier. I was posting that for alot of personal reasons. I dont tell everyone everything that goes on in my life. I was also sharing it for my sister bc she wanted me to but I understand what your saying so I took it down. My sister had 3 miscarriages and a baby dead not long after birth. I know its painful. I held my dead neice in my arms 13 months after my momma died. Then theres more personal issues Id rather not get into. Im sorry I hurt you though." But anyways, I understand what she was saying but she could have went about it a better way, and she could have been nicer and not confront me about it so publicly and she could have been more considerate. She really hurt me the way she handled it. I feel so immature for how I felt about it, but I literally cried myself to sleep last night over my day. Hormones and infertility suck. Today is going better though. Hope everybody had a MUCH better day than I did yesterday. Hope all is going well for everyone =D

Baby S the first, an IF success story

So this post is long over due, but here is the birth story of Sophia the first.

We tried for 5 1/2 years before getting pregnant. Multiple failed clomid rounds, 3 failed iui's, ovarian drilling surgery, fibroids removed from uterus, PCOS, and one miracle IVF cycle that worked at the first try. I consider myself lucky that it "only" took 5 years and the IVF worked the first time. I know I'm fortunate for that. My IVF process is documented in this blog in 2012 entries.

I was also lucky enough to have a fairly easy pregnancy. I had a few normal pregnancy symptoms that were not even remotely "bad". But at the end of the pregnancy, after 6 years of waiting, 40 weeks just seemed like an eternity so after I reached 37 weeks, I was looking for ideas to induce labor naturally but didn't try anything until 38 weeks 4 days.

January 15
I had been reading about cinnamon tea and took some the day before and it tasted good even if it didn't do anything. So I made me tea in the morning. Then I googled "labor inducing food" everything says spicy and as a Hispanic person, I eat that a lot soooo if it hasn't worked yet lol. Although I must admit the week before I bit into a piece of Serrano and that night I had bad contractions, got scared and stayed away from spicy. So I found a recipe for "labor cake". Sounded good and it was just chocolate so even if it did t work it would still be tasty. So for dinner we ate spicy tortilla soup and labor cake

January 16
2:28 am I was awaken by a decent contraction. But didn't have another one for an hour so I fell back asleep but had one every hour. I called out of work because I felt exhausted. I got up at 830 to pee and after I finished it felt like water running out of a slow faucet. So I txt DH and called the doctor. The nurse called back at 1030 and said to go in at 130 to see if it was my amniotic fluid. So I called DH and asked him to come home to take me. We didn't take the bags because we both figured I'd be coming home since I hadn't noticed any more contractions after 11.
When I see my doctor she says I'm 2cm dialated... Boo lol but then asked about fetal movement and I hadn't been feeling the grandiose movements since the last appt a week before so she sent me for in office fetal monitoring. On the monitor I noticed I had 3 contractions in the hour I was monitored. Nothing strong or anything so thought "great more Braxton hicks". She came to the room and said she didn't like the fetal movement and sent me to labor and delivery for a 2 hour fetal monitor in a dim quiet room. Towards the end of the first airing if family feud, yes I was watching tv lol, I felt a bunch of contractions pretty close, but again not strong and the doctor was due to come any minute. After the 2 hrs she came in and said that there wasn't enough movement and she wanted to induce me since I was 38 weeks 6 days. Wow... So DH ran home to get our bags and I called my mom to come right away.
Doctor came back a little later and explained that first they would break my water, put in an internal monitor, then start pitocin after an hour or so.
So then we got down to business. When she went to break my water she goes "OMG, you are already 4cm! You are already in labor! But since the baby isn't moving well I still want to continue with the pitocin." So I said ok. Contractions were good and tolerable up until 9pm when they increased the pitocin too high. I started having off the charts contractions. When they checked my cervix at 10 and I had only increased 1 cm I broke down. I kicked everyone out and asked for an epidural. I felt like a failure but I was exhausted and hadn't eaten all day! I thought I'd leave my appt and get lunch, I was wrong!
I got the epidural and knocked out. My blood pressure dropped really low apparently but they got it stabilized and let me sleep.

January 17
I slept until I was woken up at 1 to check my cervix again, I was at 9cm! So they got me ready to push. I kicked everyone out again at 230 because they came back when I was asleep lol.

After an hour of pushing my doctor came in sleepy looking n said I was ready. 4 good pushes later I hear "330 happy birthday" I started crying immediately because the next sound I hear is MY baby. The respiratory nurse was called in and other that seeing a flash of her for a second I didn't see her for a few mins. So during labor her pulse kept dropping so they were worried. She was born with the cord around her neck but thank God she was fine. She also got a big bruise on the top side of her head that was squishy for weeks but now is just a big bump. There's a name for it but I don't remember. It'll go away and if it doesn't I still think she's perfect. The bump made her severely jaundiced which gave us an extra day stay in the hospital but breastfeeding has gotten rid of it mostly. Her color is also becoming less yellow.

We are so in love with her and so thankful to God that we finally got out miracle. I believe you will all get yours one day too. I hope this story gives you hope to keep pushing for your happy ever after no mater what route you take!

-Mrs Red

What a year it has been

Shannon and I got together around this time last year and talked about setting up a blog to reach other women dealing with infertility issues. Very quickly she put the plan into action. It sure has been one heck of a year since then!

When we started the blog I was "juicing" and to my surprise it was actually regulating my periods! I have always been one of those girls who just has never had a regular cycle so that was crazy. I did try to monitor ovulation but I never did get a positive OPK. I think the regularity was a good sign that I could eventually ovulate on my own but as my birthday approached, I prayed and prayed and felt God was telling me it was time for IVF but I had to take it on his time and not do what I could to rush it. I called the doctor and they said on my next day 1 to call and set up an appt for day 3 and to get on birth control for that month. That stunk because I was on day 3 the day I called but I wasn't going to rush it. So I kept monitoring OPKs and still nothing. The next cycle I called and we went to be reevaluated since it had been a year since my last treatments.

First they redid my saline HSG which hurt just as much as it did the other 2 times... They thought my fibroids were back and I was devastated! That would mean another surgery and 2 more months before I could do anything. Well the doctor took a look and said he thought maybe the nurse just got under my uterine lining and that he wasn't going to make me go through the trauma of surgery for that and if I wanted to we would continue as planned. After talking to him more we went with his suggestion.
We started injections at the end of April after an exhausting battle with the insurance and help from great pharmacy friends who got us the best deals on medicine to make best use of the last bit of insurance we had. I am truly and forever grateful to them because they saved us from having to be in tremendous debt! I budgeted for treatments with my hubby's insurance and only for the one. We really needed every dime we had.
May 4th we went to do our egg retrieval. May 5th we got the call that 20+ eggs were fertilized. May 7th we went for the transfer. May 14 we went for my first bloodwork. May 15 we were at the clinic with OHSS. May 21 we went for the pregnancy test that I thought would be another BFN, at noon my hubby answered the phone with the call that changed our lives forever: we're pregnant.
I can't complain at all about the experience so far. We have been very lucky with symptoms and complications. I think I've experienced every symptom at some point but even then it hasn't been extreme.
This year hasn't been so great for everyone and I feel guilty to be on the other side of the fence, but I truly believe everyone of you has your great year coming, I know it will! IVF isn't cheap even with insurance so I know it's not for everyone but if you can save or budget a loan, it's worth a shot. I wish all of you a great 2013 and hope you all find health and what makes you happy!

~Mrs Red

Breaking Point

So I was doing sooo well at being stong and not letting this get me down. However in the past two days, Ive heard of at least 30 pregnancy announcements of people I know....I DIDNT EVEN THINK THERE WERE 30 WOMAN LEFT TO BE PREGNANT THAT I KNEW! I swear it is like LITERALLY everyone around me...except me. I just wish I could get to a doctor already and see what the heck the problem is and begin working on it. As long as its taking me to just do that step, Ill never even be able to work towards motherhood. Ok rant over. Hope everyone else is doing well =)

Surreal

I still feel like someone is playing a joke on me, I can't believe I am actually pregnant. Yesterday was 26 weeks and it seems like a dream. We got confirmation a few weeks ago that we are having a little girl. Sophia. This weekend we are going to buy the big dollar essentials, and I ordered the crib on amazon a few days ago so we will get that Tuesday.
Why does it still seem not real though? I told my hubby at the first 12 weeks of ultrasounds I felt like the doctors wee just showing me a video. A prerecord video of how far they say I am and just add my name and stuff, yes I guess that makes me a conspiracy nut job lol. I kept saying, maybe when I feel the baby move it will become real.... Nope, because then I said maybe its gas. The first few times it really feels like gas or flutters. So then I said, maybe when I can see the movement. Well folks, I've been able to see my stomach move for about a week and I swear I'm not looking at myself.
Then my mom is planning my baby shower for the second weekend in November and she talks to me about it and all I can think is "MY" baby shower? That makes me cry. Not because I'm sad but because I never though I'd say that. I still feel like its all a dream. The journey has been so long and so hard to get here, I can't believe it's really happening!
I guess part of my disbelief is also because I guess I've been 'lucky' and not had too many problems other than the OHSS at the beginning and the fall down the stairs at 9 weeks, which makes my fertile Myrtle SIL very jealous since she had non stop morning sickness the whole 40 weeks. And then her constantly mentioning that fact makes me think, maybe it IS a dream. How weird how IF effects us and taints everything!
I'm so grateful to God and to modern science, which without either I really believe this wouldn't have been possible. I am still jealous of those who can "get pregnant" but I am very happy that IVF worked for us.
I don't know if I am going to even believe this when we bring her home, my daughter, God I never thought I'd be able to say those words, my daughter. Now I'm bawling... Ok maybe saying this all "out loud" or rather typing it for the world to see, maybe now I can believe this is really happening.

I hope and pray every single one of you reading this gets your miracle someday (and hopefully soon), and I hope by then you aren't as jaded as I am by IF and believe it is real the whole time and just truly enjoy the blessing.

-Mrs Red

DH

2 things,
1)sorry its so long but I had a lot to say, and
2)also warning this story does contain how we found out we are expecting.

The last 10 months or so I have learned a lot about my DH and how he feels about our quest for baby. Now lemme tell you, my hubby is NOT the emotional conversation participant. When someone starts talking about feelings, forget it, watch how fast the subject changes! LoL He's been pretty good talking to me about things but we've never really talked about his feelings on our journey. Don't get me wrong, I've asked PLENTY of times but I usually get a short "it'll happen in God's time" response and then I drop it.

Well at the beginning of 2012 we were talking about goals and we were about 2 months of our juicing changes. (We watched a documentary about healing your body from the inside out with fruits and veggies.) We were talking one day in January because my boss was hinting at a promotion and Hubby said his 3 goals for the year were "pay down debt, lower stress, and get me pregnant." I bout broke my neck to turn to him and said what? And he was saying that this year he wanted to focus on having a baby, whether that meant going an all natural route or doing treatments. I didn't bother asking why the sudden change because I know how much he wants kids and it already kills me. I didn't need to actually hear it.

So then we continue on with our life and then a few days later he starts talking about PCOS and things that cause it and how some people are insulin resistant and I was all "mmhmmmm, yep we tried that already" because it was stuff my GYN brought up before and tried testing. I was happy he was finally showing 'interest' but at the same time I was semi annoyed that all these years I've been trying to tell him and he wasn't listening. I think now he was in denial, was listening, just wasn't ready to talk about it and I'm ok with that. Guys aren't emotional talkers. Notice I didn't say they weren't emotional people! Because they are, they just show it differently.

Anywhosers so that was interesting and nice to see a spark. So then another week or so later he starts saying how he wanted us to try taking Maca, an herbal supplement, along with our juicing. And again this was something I tried years ago so I had like 3 bottles of the stuff laying around lol. So we talk about it and decide to try it together. The amount of stuff he researches is amazing! I can't read about stuff for that long! Well, some stuff lol.

Then my birthday started coming up and the year before when we stopped fertility treatments we had said we would revisit the idea after my birthday. So I asked him about it. He said that he was cool with whatever I wanted to do and would support me either way. So I prayed about it and then called the RE to find out what we needed to do and how long the time frame was. We continued our natural quest all the way up until we did IVF and we had all kinds of discussions about everything going on. He was much more inquisitive this time around from wanting to know what he was looking at on my sonos when they were checking my ovaries, to wanting to know what medicines I was taking and why and how. He was a good nurse :-)

When we did finally get the news we were pregnant, the way we found out was WAY out of the norm. That day I went for my blood tests I also had to have an ultrasound to check my OHSS, on the ultrasound they past by my uterus and it looked like nothing was there. When we walked out of the clinic, the moment the door shut I started bawling my eyes out saying how it didn't work, blah blah blah. I was so heart broken. No one really understands how hard this journey is an no amount of reading prepares you for the emotional an physical stress of IVF! I'm just gonna say that. So I cried the whole way to the elevator, down the elevator and to the car and in the car. The whole way he was just holding me tight saying how much he loved me, it would be ok, and how we could try again. He told me to call into work because he didn't want me to have to work being all emotional. So we stayed home and watched tv. He asked if I wanted him to take the call from the doctor and I said yes. I gave him the questions to ask about what my levels were because I wanted to know if anything was working right.

Around 12, the phone starts ringing. It was on the bed between us and I just pointed at it and he said you want me to answer an I said yeah. He answered as he was walking out to the hallway. I muted the tv and just prayed. That had to of been the longest prayer of my life that far! So then the door opens and he comes in, gives me a big smile and thumbs up and says "we're pregnant". All I could do was say "WHAT?!" And then it was like the wind was knocked out of me and I started sobbing. (Shoot I'm crying now too!) and all I would say over and over was what? *Cry* What? What? *cry*. He was just rocking me and telling me how God answered our prayers and we'd need to take care of it as long as God wanted us to have it. Then a few mins in I said "are you joking?" And he was like why would I make a joke like this? I just needed to be sure he was for real.

Since that day I have seen how nervous he is and seen how protective he is. He really is my knight. When I had spotting at 5 weeks he calmed me and called the doctor. When I fell down the stairs at 9 weeks, he literally ran to me from his desk, didn't even tell anyone where he was going or anything. When I am having bad ligament pain and make little "ssssst aaaah" noises he shoots up "what's wrong", when I step on something or stub my toe or run into something or do anything that makes me go "ow" he says what's wrong. And when I have Charlie horses that wake me up from a deep sleep he wakes up or runs out of the shower dripping wet with soapy water to massage and stretch my leg (don't underestimate the pain of a Charlie horse, they are intense!) He really is on pins and needles!

I've also learned he's become a lot more sensitive to other people. We finally went Facebook official and he tells me (things I already knew again) to not brag about it and not talk about it too much. He knows I have friends that are going through the same things. And he's seen my reaction at every single pregnancy announcement in the last 6 years and knows how hard it is. I never had/have any intention of bragging nor really talking about it unless brought up. It's just after trying so long and then keeping it secret for so long makes it something I'm ok with not talking about all the time. I'm enjoying it and thinking about it all the time but I don't want to forget where I came from.

What I've also noticed from him is that he's more aware of people he works with and recognizing those people who are privately struggling. He's noticing the signs and faces that people have and more in tune with their emotions because he says they are the faces he's seen on me and he can only imagine how I have felt all these years. I'm truly amazed at how he's, I guess, grown in the last 6 years. I love him so much and I am so happy that God put him in my life. He is such an amazing man and I cannot wait to see how we grow together.

-Mrs Red

Hospital bed rest

Well, Thursday, Sept. 13 (27weeks 1day) I went in to have my bi weekly ultrasound to check my cervix and to see how much the boys have grown.  My cervix shortened to 0.76cm (which is very short) and I was admitted to the hospital on bed rest.  They gave me steroid shots (one on Thursday night and one on Friday night) for the boys to help their lungs mature quicker.  I was also put on Magnesium Sulfate to stop my contractions.  The first 4 days were rough, the magnesium sulfate (M.S.) makes you sleepy, messes with your vision and gives you headaches...there are other symptoms but these are the ones I had and they were mild luckily. 

So early Monday morning, my contractions were pretty intense and getting stronger and stronger about 3 minutes apart, they bumped my M.S. dosage up to 3.5grams (usually the highest they go is 3 grams) and put a foley catheter in.  I contracted at that rate for about 4 hours.  I was scared I thought- Why isn't the M.S. working? I don't want them to come yet they are so little. This is it we are having them!  THANK GOD they contractions started to space out around 4:00 am by 8:00am they spaced out to every 8-10 minutes and were less intense.  After that they put the M.S. down to 3 grams and watched me for the rest of the day. Tuesday my OB tried to go to 2.5 grams of M.S. but by the end of the day I was contracting about every 5 minutes so he put it back to 3 grams and I've been there since.  Monday my head/vision was more with it and Tuesday even better  and Wednesday was my best day as far as my vision and head go.  Thursday and Friday I felt more sluggish but my contractions were much quieter, the same with today.  I still have a hard time focusing my eyes most of the time but the contractions are less frequent and less intense.  We still aren't sure which contractions are changing my cervix.  They don't want to check me unless there is reason to, and my next ultrasound is on Thursday so we'll see where things are at then.

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.  But I am willing to do whatever it takes to keep these boys safe.  We've worked too hard, and have come too far to give up now!  Our OB reassured us if the boys' come now we will be walking out of here with normal healthy children (unless something crazy happened) so that was nice to hear, however we want them to stay in as long as possible, getting to 29, 30 and 32 weeks would be the best (if not longer). 

I will probably be in the hospital until delivery.  The earliest my OB said he'd let me go home would be 30 weeks or more like 32 weeks, and he said he gave me a 5% chance of leaving here pregnant at 32 weeks to go home.  So most likely I can count on this being my home for quite a while.  I'd rather have me laying here for more weeks with them in me than them laying in isolets for weeks on end.

We are staying strong and know its worth all of our energy and strength, because we have so much love for them.  They are so wanted and so loved.

Is it weird?

I am 20 weeks and 4 days today... I'm more excited than I can put into words, yet, I have not gone fb public with my announcement yet. I'm sure my family is getting irritated that we haven't shouted it from the rooftops, but, I mean when is it "safe" to tell people? NEVER!

I know I gave up my worry to God weeeeeeks ago but I don't know if I'm quite ready to tell everyone I know yet. I can't hide it at work anymore, but I can hide it online... We said we would announce when we found out the gender at my anatomy scan at 20 weeks but... Baby had other plans, the legs were crossed so we don't know what we are having... soooo.... That idea is half shot, so should I wait til I know? I mean it's probably only a few more weeks away... We took some pictures Sunday with the sono picture with the plans of going fb public with them but then today I edited them and I love how they came out, but I can't post them. Maybe it's because tomorrow is 9/11 and it just doesn't seem appropriate? Idk... I'm just rambling...

Is it weird I haven't shared my joy with people? or does it seem like IF has left me jaded? Is it normal to want to be cautious in who I share my news with??? And then on top of all that, I feel like I shouldn't be posting anymore on a fertility blog, I feel lost right now, I don't fit in with the fertiles and I don't feel like I have any right to be saying anything here either... It's a very strange limbo I never thought I would be in, and as thankful as I am for the opportunity, I just feel lost in the world. IF has been such a big part of my past, and the future is so uncertain...

Maybe I'm just weird

-Mrs Red

Ashley's 26 Week Update

Well, on August 30, I had a scheduled doctor's appointment to check my cervix and to check the boys' growth with my perinatologist (Dr. Jaz), however the day didn't start out as we planned, I was having a bunch of contractions that morning and when I called the on-call nurse she said we needed to come in right away. We checked into labor and delivery and they put me in a triage room to monitor my contractions and the boys' heartbeats. The contractions I felt had slowed down from when I initially called and talked to the nurse. My doctor came in and got the scoop, they started a saline IV and he checked my cervix to see if I was dilating at all. He said my cervix was still closed - YAY good news. He said he wanted to monitor me for a few hours to make sure the contractions were getting less frequent otherwise they'd have to give me magnesium sulfate to stop the contractions. He said he was happy because if this was going to turn into active labor its in the very early stage and easier to stop. He said if things keep improving then I could go by Dr. Jaz for the ultrasound that was scheduled. So 11:00am rolled around and the RN came in she said things were looking better and I told her I felt like the contractions were getting less frequent. She said she was waiting for my urine lab to come back yet, but she was going to send me to Dr. Jaz. We got into Dr. Jaz's exam room and told him what was going on. He measured my cervix by ultrasound it was just slightly less than two weeks ago measuring 1.5-1.6cm today -last time it was 1.65cm) - YAY more good news. He said he also wanted to check my cervix on a physical examination, he agreed with Dr. Kerns that I was not dilated. Then we went on to look at how the boys are growing- they are doing well. Baby A weighs 1 lb 8oz and Baby B weighs 1 lb 11oz. They are both doing very well and Baby A is not engaged in my pelvis. -MORE GOOD NEWS! So we got back to the triage room and the RN said she called Dr. Kerns and he's letting me go home to continue bed rest as I have been.  She told me to keep doing what I have been doing. She said they were going to culture my urine because there was a few epithelial cells in it, which can be normal but Dr. Kerns wanted to treat me for a UTI just to be proactive. UTI's can cause contractions in pregnancy too so he just wants to be extra safe. She also said we could expect to come in to be monitored a few more times before the babies arrive, due to contractions like this, especially with my cervical history. So please keeps us in your prayers! DH and I both felt much better than we had earlier that morning, knowing I am not dilated, my cervical length is stable. We can do this! They will stay in there or so I have to trust in God that they will!   I was happy to make it to another week.  Yesterday I had another appointment to  see how things are going.  My OB answered some questions that I had, checked the heart beats and then we were on our way.   I did have quite a few contractions right before my appointment, he said he wasn't real concerned unless they became more intense and increased with frequency.  Last night I didn't sleep well and didn't feel the best either,  but this morning I'm doing a little better, still contracting but not quite as frequent as yesterday.  So hoping they are just braxton hicks and nothing more.

Awesome People

I have a really negative post that I have been wanting to post for the last couple days and just haven't gotten around to it.

But now I can't do that because I read the most AMAZING thing on Facebook today. Yes, Facebook.

At first I was upset because I saw that another friend and his girlfriend were at the hospital and she was in labor. They have only been together since November. (insert sad face here)

But as I read the comments following the hospital announcement, my friend stated that they weren't his twins, but that she was a surrogate/gestational carrier for another couple!

That has moved me to the point of tears right now.

You don't hear about people doing that much these days, mainly because it is SOO expensive.

I'll write about surrogate/gestational carrier more on another day.

Just dwell on the love and giving of one woman to another couple.

That is purely amazing.

Late Realization

I didn't even realize when I wrote my entry yesterday, the significance of the CD.

CD 30. To me it is normal and I will probably get to CD 50 before my cycle starts.

But to most normal women, by CD30 they are actually on CD2.

Kinda sucked when that realization hit. I doubt I am pregnant and knowing I didn't get my period makes the realization that I didn't ovulate even worse.

Oh well. Such is the life and the means to achieve what we want!

On a different note... Today's 7pm-7am shift is kicking my butt. It has been a roller coaster since the shift started! Hope you night and work day goes a bit smoother than mine did!

Whammy After Whammy...

So... Apparently it is that time of year.

I think there is always a certain spot in the year when everyone has found the baby dust in the drinking water but I haven't.

Yesterday my SIL's ex-fiancee announced that him and his wife are expecting a baby... ON OUR ANNIVERSARY. (And keep in mind... yesterday was my BIRTHDAY)

TODAY I find out his baby sister (about 21 y.o) is also pregnant with her boyfriend.

I need to figure out where that magic water is... I may need SOMETHING to get me out of this state of shock!

Another Update 22w1d

Well, I had an appointment yesterday 8/9/12, 22w1d, and on the upside the boys are doing well.  However my cervix is shortening and I have been put on bed rest.  I have a 50/50 percent chance of delivering right now.  My cervix is 1.9cm which isn't horrible but it isn't good, if it goes down to 1.5cm I will probably have to be put in the hospital on bed rest.  I go back on Tuesday for a re-check.  We are scared.  Everything besides the OHSS has been going very well.  My doctor's want to keep the boys in there to at least 28 weeks (hopefully) (6 weeks from now- Sept. 19) at 28 weeks they have a 95% chance of survival and developmental issues decrease greatly.  If  they come earlier my doctor said most kids usually do fine, however its not a guarentee, and statistics aren't good.  My best friend gets married tomorrow, unfortunately I will not be able to stand up or attend.  She understands completely but it doesn't make it any easier. 

Please say some extra prayers for us.

And Another One Bites the Dust!

Today I was Facebook messaging a friend of mine from high school.

A few months ago she had mentioned that after 2 years of trying they still weren't pregnant. The earliest her doctor could get her in to start infertility diagnosis was July.

I remembered that today so I asked how everything went.

She informed me that they did bloodwork and then checked for cysts but she was clear. That before they start to take clomid they wanted to try GNC's Fertility blend for men and women. And after the first month... She is pregnant! Found out yesterday.

Now 2 things:
1) I'm very happy she is pregnant after trying and waiting so long.
2) I'm sad for myself and my DH. I wish it was easier for me to get pregnant.

I mentioned the fertility blend to the DH and said he could take it too which we gladly pointed out that all his swimmers are more than great and he doesn't need to take anything to help. Lovely. Let's point out even more that this is all my "fault" because MY body is the one not working properly.
So. 

http://www.gnc.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2134276

As much as I want to sit on the couch, veg out, play Sims or something... I think I'm going to get on the treadmill. Because, even though it is tough, being fat seems like something easier to fix than my infertility.

Have any of yal tried this or know somebody that did and was successful?