Confirming Its You Not Him

My journey continues a couple years later.... October 2010.

I had gotten news that a SIL was pregnant. I didn't take it well. (More on that to come). The next day, Hubs and I took off and tried to get further into setting up the infertility appointment with a specialist company.

Didn't even think that it can take WEEKS.

March 2011 we finally had our meeting with Dr. Christine Mansfield from Center for Assisted Reproduction Embryo.net. She was AMAZING. She was very informative and encouraging. I went over medical history (and brought in copies). She did an ultrasound to confirm PCOS (said I had at least 20 follicles on each ovary when most women have MAYBE 12) and noted my uterine lining was thick but said it may be from not having a period in so long (I already diagnosed that I am anovulatory). She also requested I take a glucose test to confirm that I didn't have hidden issues with my sugars that wouldn't show up in normal blood work.

She spoke to us about what our possibilities were based on my previous doctor records and their reports of me having PCOS. She recommended doing Clomid again since I have lost so much weight since the first round, and possibly doing Clomid with an insemination (they stick the sperm straight into my uterus when I ovulate). Did you know that Clomid works best at the lower doses?? The chances of conceiving are HIGHER at the low dose because at the higher dosage the lining in the uterus thins and there is only a 5% chance. BTW... each round of Clomid is $950. And each round is only 1 month. The insemination one is $1050 each round.

Through this whole meeting, the Hubs was with me (of course). And he was a nervous wreck. He knew he was going to have to do a sperm analysis. He actually wanted to just so we knew what all our cards were. But he was nervous. I tried to get him this book: 

http://www.plasticcupbook.com/

 But he refused to read it. Let me try to properly tell what he told me:

They called him to take the test and had him sign in with a time. He saw there was a sign out time so he assumed it wouldn't take him long so he put for 5 minutes after he went in. 25 minutes later... He came back out. I asked him about it and he said he was fairly confident that it would be no problem, just like masturbating. He said the room was ok and had magazines but he'd be okay and then flip the page and there would be Zach Galifianakis' face advertising a movie. And there would go all his hard work. He said on top of that he could hear the toilet flushing in the adjoining room and voices when people would walk by. He was worried that if HE could hear THEM and THEY could hear HIM. Basically he told me that, although he didn't believe it before, it is possible to cum when not hard. LOL

Anyhow, within 10 minutes of his turning in the donation they came back with the results.... Drumroll please....

PASSED WITH FLYING COLORS! 2.5 times the minimum number of sperm, and 1.5 times the minimum motility! In other words, his sperm was AWESOME.

And I was relieved that he didn't have a problem and it was just me. JUST ME. Great. Now I felt like crap even more. It is hard to explain. I didn't want anything to be wrong with him. He stressed about it enough and was sure that it was him. He need the confidence boost. I was so glad we didn't have any more complications. But that little part of me hurt. Knowing that I am the one to blame for not being able to get pregnant. Having to do fertility treatments is because of MY body. Not being able to create a family like most other couples is because of ME.

Some things are hard to not dwell on. Even now.
~Shannon