Back in the saddle

I'm back! I've had some survivors guilt after my successful ivf because I know I got lucky. It doesn't work for everyone on the first try and it did for us. But getting pregnant didn't change the way my body acts... Much... I actually have semi regular periods now! They're 35ish days but much more frequent than before. But the doctor confirmed that I'm still not ovulating. Which sucks. I still have PCOS and I do not ovulate. Awesome. We have been not trying not preventing since having our miracle and then I stopped breadtfeeding when she was 18 months which is when I finally got a period. And I thought maybe I was ovulating but nope. My husband hasn't been ready to go back to the RE until my bday last month. We went to a festival and he told me there he's ready to actively try. Just when I decided to work on my weight he decided to get serious about trying again. Now I didn't gain a lot of weight pregnant and actually stayed at or below my pre pregnancy weight until the holidays! I gained about 6 lbs so I joined weight watchers to start losing weight and the next day he said to make an appointment at the RE. Work has been really busy so I kept putting it off for like 3 days of him asking if I made an appointment. And then I finally did make the appointment last Thursday and I went yesterday.

I took my BFF with me since my husband's job was busy too and I didn't want to drag him to a long consult if he wasn't neeeeeeeded. And I wanted to give my BFF an insight to what I had to go through for ivf since she always nagged about just do it. She now understands how that wasn't easy in any way and what I have to go through to do treatments.

So. I get there and it was so weird seeing the privacy wall/sign before entering the clinic. I was 10 mins late since my car wouldn't start and we had to run across the work parking lot to my friends car so I was already nervous. I left my wallet and phone in the car! So my friend went back to get it while I signed in and filled out new paperwork. The front desk lady was the same as when I went 3 years ago so that was pretty cool. After waiting a little while they called me back to a consult room. The nurse asked a few questions. This nurse looked new so I was kind of sad that I thought it would be all new people since the doctor I was scheduled to see was also new. The 2 RE's that started the clinic and did my ivf were still there but they were booked til mid to late March. So anyways I answer this nurses questions and then wait for the doctor. 

The new doctor comes in and introduces himself and asks me a few more questions. I've been tracking my periods and was able to tell him the typical cycle length but lo and behold my current cycle is LATE! I'm on cd 38. I think it's a good thing? lol so he tells me he wants to order a full new patient panel and check my progesterone and estridol levels to see if I ovulated and get an idea why I didn't get my period yet this month. He also wants to do a sono so he takes off while we wait for a room. Finally the same new nurse comes and takes us to a room and tells me to undress and wait on the table. Doc comes back and does and exam and we look at the sono and there are my same old PCOS ovaries. Covered in folicles. I was mostly dissappointed to see that they are still covered but it was what I was expecting. I get dressed and open the door to wait for him to come back and a nurse peeks in and asks if we were waiting for something and it's MY NURSE from my IVF and IUI rounds. She peeked fast I didn't know if she saw me but I got all excited and told my friend about her. Then the doctor came back to take us back to a consult room where he told me he didn't think i ovulated but will get the bloodwork ordered, have the billing office speak to me, and have a nurse go over my protocol. He also said he would like me to try to lose 15lbs short term goal and about 45 long term. I agreed since that was already on my agenda and he left. Then the billing lady came in and I remembered her too! Idk if she remembered me right away but while she was going over the price list there was a knock on the door and my two nurses from my IVF came in to say hi and asked if I remembered them! I was so excited to see them and showed them a few pictures and was just so happy to catch up with them and see that they were still there. They apologized for interrupting and said they'd be back after billing was done. So we finished the financial blahness and the lady said she would need to double check to see what coverage we had left. Then the nurse came back and went over the protocol which was slightly intimidating but not too bad. I'll be going over that in another post. She took me to get my blood drawn and it was the same lab lady. While we were there I saw pictures of some little girls and I remembered someone being pregnant when I went for ivf and there she was walking down the hall! Another familiar face! After the bloodwork we went to check out and I was told to call back Thursday if they hadn't called me with results and to either start provera or if my period started to schedule a saline HSG. 

The strangest thing was being back there with a different mentality. The last time I was there I was in more of a desperation mode. I was depressed and willing to try anything. This time, I really want another baby again but it's just different? I'm so grateful of everything the staff did for us to have our DD and seeing all their faces again was heartwarming. I really love my RE office and so glad we went with them. They really all have a heart for helping people and you just don't see that everywhere. I went in with so much appreciation for their office. I'm excited and nervous for my FET. I'll be calling them today to set up my protocol. I really hope we get lucky again but we have 12 embryos to try again with. I don't regret IVF one bit but my body and emotional state cannot do the whole thing again so I really hope this works. 

-mrs red