Tomorrow will be 15 years that my husband and I have been together. 15 years! That's a really long time nowadays. We've been married 10 and started TTC right away. 5 years ago I was mid stim cycle for my First IVF and to my luck it worked on the first try.
I wanted to round out NIAW with a message of hope. I know for many people their first IVF doesn't work. And neither does their 2nd, or 3rd, or 6th. But sometimes it does. And I think it's that hope that keeps all of us going. When I went for my IVF cycle, my husband and I were holding on to the last bit of hope we had. We had so many failed cycles that we poured all our money into this cycle. And it worked!
The pregnancy was smooth, the delivery was smooth, everything was perfect. So we decided to try again. And of course infertility stuck around. I wasn't "fixed" like so many other people said I would be. "Well now you had one so your body knows what to do". Wrong! We had our first FET 2 years ago on national Infertility Awareness Week. And it worked! Or so we thought. I miscarried my twins at 9 weeks and was devastated. We were in a better mental state than before having our daughter but it still hurt. I thought it would be easy. I thought my body knew what it was doing. It didn't. But. We pushed on and did another FET and we have another beautiful daughter who will be turning 1 soon. Her pregnancy was definitely not smooth and her delivery was just plain scary. But she's still perfect and our second rainbow.
We would like more children. We always wanted a big family. I still don't think my body is "fixed" but we still have 6 frozen embryos that we would like to give a shot to. Not sure when but I'm hopeful that we will have at least 1 more little stinker. Hope got us here. And hope will get us through, no matter what happens. Even if it ends up just being our two princesses.
I've stayed quiet on the page because I feel like even though both my girls were from artificial reproductive technologies, that I don't have a right to write on an infertility blog anymore. But I do. Having them doesn't mean I never suffered. Conquering infertility doesn't mean it doesn't still effect me. It does. And like I said, my body isn't fixed just because it carried them. I still can't do it on my own.
But know that I know how hard it is. Know that I remember the nights crying out "why not me". The pain of watching people around you grow your families. I see you longing for a baby in your arms that you can call yours. I have hope for you. The pain we go through is so worth it. Keep fighting. Keep trying. Keep hoping.
Love and baby dust to all!
Mrs Red
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