Ashley's Update

Hey everyone, I'm so sorry I've been so out of touch.  Life has been very busy with the boys and going back to work.  However, even though I haven't been posting doesn't mean I'm not reading or thinking about you all.  As dates went by in February, March and now April, it brings me back to the huge milestones in the past 3 years, especially last year going through IVF.  I think another reason I've backed off (besides not having much time) is I remember like it was yesterday how I felt about hearing about others who had babies and I didn't.  So I know there is nothing I can say or do to make each of your situations better.  All I can try to do is give you hope and advice if you want it.  I don't want to rub it in anyone's face that I got pregnant and have two babies.  I just want to support everyone and help as I'm needed.  I know I'll always have bitter feelings towards those who take getting pregnant for granted, however it's a hard place to be in because I'm not in the same position as I was before I got pregnant.  For the first time in over 3 years I feel happy, complete and back to my old self.  I told my husband a few weeks ago - I never, ever want to feel that way again.  Meaning those two LONG years of active treatments every months with multiple doctors visits monthly, were by far the worst years of my life.  But it was truly worth every single tear and angry moment I went through.  I am here for you all, praying every moment.

I am also sad to say my very best friend who's wedding I didn't get to stand up in, in August because I was put on bed rest two days before, was diagnosed with PCOS in January.  She is still in the early stages of all the works, but it just brings back all of my bad memories that I hope she doesn't have to go through.

Bless you all and baby dust 2013 is the year :) 

Some New Changes!!!

Changes to the blog, not me personally :o)

Fighting for Fertility officially has a twitter! You can find us by the email: f4ftweets@fighting4fertility.org.in or by the name @Fight4Fertility

Also, we each have individual emails that you can contact us by if you have questions::
Shannon - PCOS, inexpensive options, vitamins:
shannonw@fighting4fertility.org.in

Steph aka Mrs. Red - IVF success, clomid:
stephaniet@fighting4fertility.org.in

Ashley - IVF success, mom of twins:
ashleyh@fighting4fertility.org.in

Molly - PCOS:
mollyk@fighting4fertility.org.in

Sheila - vitamins, undiagnosed:
sheilah@fighting4fertility.org.in

Jessica - PCOS, vitamins:
jessicad@fighting4fertility.org.in

Leah - PCOS, fibromyalgia, fostering, adoption:
leahb@fighting4fertility.org.in

Don't forget! You can also find us on Facebook!

Ashley's Twin Boys' Arrival!

Well, on November 11, 2012 (35w4d) we had our two beautiful and perfect little boys.  I woke up early with leaking and we went in at 8:30am.  They tested the fluid to make sure it was amniotic fluid  and it was.  I was 3 cm dilated and 100% effaced. I wasn't having active contractions, just contractions like I had been having for the past 13 weeks.  By 2:45pm I was 5cm and they broke baby A's water completely.  I kept walking around and a half hour after they broke baby A's water I started to have very active contractions.  I got in shower to get some releaf.  At 4:15pm they checked me again I was still 5cm and I asked for some thing to just take the edge of my contractions off.  So they gave me a shot of newbain.  I got into bed and asked for two heating pads and then tried to just rest.  After 1/2 hour I was 8cm and had the urge to push then 3 more contractions and I was complete!  The doctor couldn't believe it, and she thought I would be pushing for a while too since this was my first delivery.  Well they called the surgery team in because I was delivering twins vaginally they have to be there incase baby B would turn breech and need to have a c-section.  For 20 min. they told me not to push- which was harder then having the boys!  So finally I said I couldn't NOT push anymore.  The doctor checked and said Oh, well there's a head yes next contraction push.  So I pushed for 10-15 min. and baby A was out at 5:53pm!  They put him on me and I was in shock I couldn't believe he was here and I was holding him.  I started to cry and kiss him.  While I was holding baby A they used the ultrasound to check and see that baby B was still in position.  Two pushes and he was out at 6:01pm!  We got to hold both of them right a way. 

Baby A - 4lbs 11oz 17" long, we named him Ross Steven
Baby B - 3lbs 15oz 16.5" long, we named him Liam Ray

We are all doing great.  They boys actually spent the night with us the first night and then were taken up to the NICU so they could make sure they were regulating their body temp. and grow. 
Ross was released at 4 days old, but Liam had to be over 4lbs before he was released so he was released at 7 days old.  We stayed in the NICU the whole time until Liam was released because we couldn't leave one behind.  My husbands birthday was Nov. 18 the day we got to come home.  The best birhtday present he could ask for. 


Everyone is doing great and we are loving every moment with them!
I think of you all every day and I look at them knowing that all the months of NOTHING happening, all the months of failure, and all the thousands of dollars spent was COMPLETELY worth it and I would go through it all again to have them. You can do it! Don't lose HOPE and FAITH.

Another Update (Ashley)

Well, another update.....So last week Sunday (10.14.12) our friend who's a professional photographer (who also did our wedding pictures) came to the hospital and took some maternity pictures for us!  We worked so hard and paid so much money I wanted to the pictures to remember this very precious time in our lives because I may never be pregnant again.  And there was a very high chance of me going into labor on Monday or Tuesday because they were turning the Magnesium Sulfate off so we wanted to get some pictures taken before then!  The nurses were awesome and excited about the photo shoot too.  They got approval from the doctor to take out my IV for an hour or two so we could have pictures taken!  So the picture above is in one of the hospital atriums!  Obviously there is only so much you can do in a hospital, so we were hoping to have more pictures taken in studio if I didn't go into labor and got released and sent home.  So Monday night at mid-night they took my Magnesium Sulfate dose from 2.5grams down to 1.5grams.  Two hours after turning the doseage down I started contracting pretty big contractions every 3-4 minutes, however I could still sleep so they weren't 'active' labor contractions.  At the rate things were going I thought for sure Tuesday would be the day!  So at 7am they shut the Magnesium Sulfate off completely.  At 32 weeks they won't do anything to stop labor in a twin pregnancy, that's why they shut the Magnesium Sulfate off because the risk no longer out weighs the benefit of having it on.  So as Tuesday went on the contractions became less frequent and less intense, Wednesday (10.17.12) things were even more mild.  So my doctor checked me at 3:15pm and I was still 1.5-2cm dilated, so he said I could go home!!!!!!!  YAY!!!!!!!!!  So I called my husband and he came to pack up and take me home :)  Oh, it felt soooooooooo good to be home, and smell the crisp, fresh, fall air!  We stopped at our house (which is under construction for a remodel and has been since I was place on bed rest) to check on the progress and things are wrapping up!  Its almost done, the trim is getting put on today and they may be working on it tomorrow yet but then we just have dishes to wash, laundry to do and finish up dusting and cleaning!!!  We should be able to move back in in a few days if the boys stay put!  It would be so nice just to have a few days with my DH at home again and feel more settled before the boys come!  Since I've been home (at my parents) my contractions have stayed pretty mild for the most part.  I have a doctor's appointment today so I'm not sure what to expect yet but we'll see!  I want to get the boys' room alittle more together before they come because once I do go into labor I will probably be healing from a c-section and want to be at the NICU as much as possible (if they come in the next 3 weeks they'll be in the NICU for some period of time) and not home putting things together.  I still haven't had my baby shower yet, and I didn't buy very much stuff because I didn't want to jinx things...but as soon as the boys are born we are going to try to do the babies' shower.  I'd like to do it when they are still in the NICU because I don't want to expose them to everyone especially this time of year (cold and flu season).  The doctor's really encourage you hold off on the number of visitors until a few weeks after their due date because premies have weaker immune systems, so we'll have to see how things work out.  The only one who knows what's going to happen when is God!

I hope all of you have the chance to experience pregnancy, I've tried to look at the past 11 weeks as a blessing from God, that he placed me on bed rest for so long so I could completely enjoy every moment and movement of my pregnancy, because we worked so hard and waited for so long.  I have also learned - if you truly put your mind to do something YOU CAN ACCOMPLISH IT!!  Good luck ladies, my thoughts and prayers are with all of you,

Hospital bed rest

Well, Thursday, Sept. 13 (27weeks 1day) I went in to have my bi weekly ultrasound to check my cervix and to see how much the boys have grown.  My cervix shortened to 0.76cm (which is very short) and I was admitted to the hospital on bed rest.  They gave me steroid shots (one on Thursday night and one on Friday night) for the boys to help their lungs mature quicker.  I was also put on Magnesium Sulfate to stop my contractions.  The first 4 days were rough, the magnesium sulfate (M.S.) makes you sleepy, messes with your vision and gives you headaches...there are other symptoms but these are the ones I had and they were mild luckily. 

So early Monday morning, my contractions were pretty intense and getting stronger and stronger about 3 minutes apart, they bumped my M.S. dosage up to 3.5grams (usually the highest they go is 3 grams) and put a foley catheter in.  I contracted at that rate for about 4 hours.  I was scared I thought- Why isn't the M.S. working? I don't want them to come yet they are so little. This is it we are having them!  THANK GOD they contractions started to space out around 4:00 am by 8:00am they spaced out to every 8-10 minutes and were less intense.  After that they put the M.S. down to 3 grams and watched me for the rest of the day. Tuesday my OB tried to go to 2.5 grams of M.S. but by the end of the day I was contracting about every 5 minutes so he put it back to 3 grams and I've been there since.  Monday my head/vision was more with it and Tuesday even better  and Wednesday was my best day as far as my vision and head go.  Thursday and Friday I felt more sluggish but my contractions were much quieter, the same with today.  I still have a hard time focusing my eyes most of the time but the contractions are less frequent and less intense.  We still aren't sure which contractions are changing my cervix.  They don't want to check me unless there is reason to, and my next ultrasound is on Thursday so we'll see where things are at then.

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.  But I am willing to do whatever it takes to keep these boys safe.  We've worked too hard, and have come too far to give up now!  Our OB reassured us if the boys' come now we will be walking out of here with normal healthy children (unless something crazy happened) so that was nice to hear, however we want them to stay in as long as possible, getting to 29, 30 and 32 weeks would be the best (if not longer). 

I will probably be in the hospital until delivery.  The earliest my OB said he'd let me go home would be 30 weeks or more like 32 weeks, and he said he gave me a 5% chance of leaving here pregnant at 32 weeks to go home.  So most likely I can count on this being my home for quite a while.  I'd rather have me laying here for more weeks with them in me than them laying in isolets for weeks on end.

We are staying strong and know its worth all of our energy and strength, because we have so much love for them.  They are so wanted and so loved.

Ashley's 26 Week Update

Well, on August 30, I had a scheduled doctor's appointment to check my cervix and to check the boys' growth with my perinatologist (Dr. Jaz), however the day didn't start out as we planned, I was having a bunch of contractions that morning and when I called the on-call nurse she said we needed to come in right away. We checked into labor and delivery and they put me in a triage room to monitor my contractions and the boys' heartbeats. The contractions I felt had slowed down from when I initially called and talked to the nurse. My doctor came in and got the scoop, they started a saline IV and he checked my cervix to see if I was dilating at all. He said my cervix was still closed - YAY good news. He said he wanted to monitor me for a few hours to make sure the contractions were getting less frequent otherwise they'd have to give me magnesium sulfate to stop the contractions. He said he was happy because if this was going to turn into active labor its in the very early stage and easier to stop. He said if things keep improving then I could go by Dr. Jaz for the ultrasound that was scheduled. So 11:00am rolled around and the RN came in she said things were looking better and I told her I felt like the contractions were getting less frequent. She said she was waiting for my urine lab to come back yet, but she was going to send me to Dr. Jaz. We got into Dr. Jaz's exam room and told him what was going on. He measured my cervix by ultrasound it was just slightly less than two weeks ago measuring 1.5-1.6cm today -last time it was 1.65cm) - YAY more good news. He said he also wanted to check my cervix on a physical examination, he agreed with Dr. Kerns that I was not dilated. Then we went on to look at how the boys are growing- they are doing well. Baby A weighs 1 lb 8oz and Baby B weighs 1 lb 11oz. They are both doing very well and Baby A is not engaged in my pelvis. -MORE GOOD NEWS! So we got back to the triage room and the RN said she called Dr. Kerns and he's letting me go home to continue bed rest as I have been.  She told me to keep doing what I have been doing. She said they were going to culture my urine because there was a few epithelial cells in it, which can be normal but Dr. Kerns wanted to treat me for a UTI just to be proactive. UTI's can cause contractions in pregnancy too so he just wants to be extra safe. She also said we could expect to come in to be monitored a few more times before the babies arrive, due to contractions like this, especially with my cervical history. So please keeps us in your prayers! DH and I both felt much better than we had earlier that morning, knowing I am not dilated, my cervical length is stable. We can do this! They will stay in there or so I have to trust in God that they will!   I was happy to make it to another week.  Yesterday I had another appointment to  see how things are going.  My OB answered some questions that I had, checked the heart beats and then we were on our way.   I did have quite a few contractions right before my appointment, he said he wasn't real concerned unless they became more intense and increased with frequency.  Last night I didn't sleep well and didn't feel the best either,  but this morning I'm doing a little better, still contracting but not quite as frequent as yesterday.  So hoping they are just braxton hicks and nothing more.

Another Update 22w1d

Well, I had an appointment yesterday 8/9/12, 22w1d, and on the upside the boys are doing well.  However my cervix is shortening and I have been put on bed rest.  I have a 50/50 percent chance of delivering right now.  My cervix is 1.9cm which isn't horrible but it isn't good, if it goes down to 1.5cm I will probably have to be put in the hospital on bed rest.  I go back on Tuesday for a re-check.  We are scared.  Everything besides the OHSS has been going very well.  My doctor's want to keep the boys in there to at least 28 weeks (hopefully) (6 weeks from now- Sept. 19) at 28 weeks they have a 95% chance of survival and developmental issues decrease greatly.  If  they come earlier my doctor said most kids usually do fine, however its not a guarentee, and statistics aren't good.  My best friend gets married tomorrow, unfortunately I will not be able to stand up or attend.  She understands completely but it doesn't make it any easier. 

Please say some extra prayers for us.

Ashley Update

I'm sorry I haven't had much of a chance to post/comment.  Things have been crazy at my house and work.
I can't believe its already August 1!  Anyhow between all that, I don't want to "gloat" too much about being pregnant because I know when we were struggling I didn't usually want to read about some one else being pregnant, while I was still trying everything to be! 

So just a little update, the boys are doing very well.  I am 21w0d today and have been feeling them since about 17w3d, my husband has also been able to feel them a couple times for the past couple weeks.  It is the most amazing feeling.  At my appointment last week I was measuring 29 weeks, which is normal for twins, but its funny because everyone who I see tells me I'm tiny for being more than half way for twins!!  I have a long torso so that helps and I don't feel so tiny but I'm enjoying every moment....cuz who knows if this will ever happen again.  We pretty much have the big items for the nursery and my baby shower is in late September.  We are starting a remodel project on our house next week, in hopes that it will be done by the end of September or mid-October at the latest.  So LOTS going on. 
I think of you all often even though I'm not on here posting, blessings!

Ashley's Update

Well, things are going well with our pregnancy!  We are 14 weeks now and we had our first perinatology appointment yesterday, and the perinatologist said we are having twin BOYS!  I never tell patients before 16 weeks just to make sure the genitals are completely done forming but he was confident both penis's were too large to be clitoris....so we'll make sure in a couple more weeks ...but we are THRILLED!!!!

Other than that, I've started a belly since 10 weeks but now its much more prominant, I feel I'm doing and looking really well for twins.  We are excited to share our boy news with our families this weekend and we are going to do some scouting for cribs, carseats, highchairs, etc. tomorrow!!

I think of you all, all the time, I'm sorry I haven't been on here as much as I'd like, summer is just always so hectic and I don't always get on the computer very much.

Ashley's Update

Ashley's Update
Well ladies, sorry its been so long.  So much has been going on.  I was in the hospital for a few days again last week due to severe right lower quadrant pain. My right ovary is still 9+ cm.  I was feeling great last Wednesday and had my last ultrasound at my RE's office at 7am at 3:15pm I started having severe RLQ pain like I did a month ago.  I took some Tylenol and tried to get comfortable then I called my OB office at 4:15pm because nothing was getting better and my OB prescribed Vicodin and told me to go into the ER if that didn't help.  So my DH ran to the pharmacy on his way home and then got home at 5:15pm.  In the mean time I was shaking, vomiting and nauseous.  I took a Vicodin and thought it helped in the first 20 min. however after that the pain just kept getting worse and worse. We ended up in the ER at 7pm had and ultrasound and MRI.  They admitted me and the pain did not subside until in the afternoon on Thursday.  I still have a dull pain but nothing compared to when I had to go in.  My right ovary will hopefully go down in size in the next three weeks, and hopefully we won't have to deal with this anymore.  On a better note, the babies are doing great.  Heartbeats are strong, both are growing good.   I was so worried about taking the pain meds but the doctors assured me that they do not affect the babies unless its used for long term during the pregnancy in which the babies become addicted. 

Also, I am an aunt (my side of the family)!  My only sibling (my sister) had her first baby 5/6/12.  He is beautiful 6 lbs 12oz 19.5"  - Brayden Lee.  We spend from Saturday 5/5/12 at noon until Sunday at 10am in the hospital.  She went into labor and progressed good but he was turned on his side instead of facing her back so he wouldn't come through her pelvis.  She started pushing at 2am 5/6/12 for 2 1/2 hours with just a little morphine and then they decided to do the c-section at 4:30am.  He was born at 5:50am.  She is one strong lady!  We spent some time with them after he was born and then again on Mother's Day.  I really feel me finally being pregnant helped with everyone to bond even more through the birth of my nephew.  I truly feel so blessed!!

Ashley's hospital say at 4w5d (4/9/12-4/11/12)

Monday, April 9 I had off and was taking it easy - my husband told me just to relax and enjoy my day off. I felt really good in the morning, I called my OB's office and told them the good news that I am pregnant. The
nurse said I should plan to come in and have a nurse appointment at 8 weeks and then my OB will see me a couple weeks after that. I was at home watching some TV at 11:30. I got up to get a banana, sat back down and within a minute I had started to have extreme RLQ pain. I thought it may just be some weird bowel
pain. So I gave it 15 minutes and then managed to get up and go to the bathroom, I thought maybe I needed to have a bowel movement or just go pee. Well I got to the bathroom and the pain was getting worse. I got really hot and light headed so I stripped down. Then I got really cold so I covered up with a towel. The pain kept getting more intense and now it was 11:55am I started to get nauseous (which it’s rare I ever have nausea or vomit) and I knew something was seriously wrong. I was worried I was going to pass out and no one would know. So I managed to crawl out to my living room and grab my cell phone. I called my mom because she only lives and works 1/2 mile from my house. I called and said "Something is wrong" and she said "I'll be right there" she was at my house within two minutes. She said I looked white as a ghost. I said the pain is getting worse and we need to go to the hospital. Thought I had ovarian torsion or appendicitis we got in the car and I called my husband, he didn't answer so I just left a message saying "you need to call me as soon as you get this." My hospital that I see my OB/GYN and my place of employment is 40-45 minutes from my house. So on the car ride I also called my RE and told them what was going on; they advised me to go in. I called my OB/GYN again telling them what was going on and to see if I could go to the office instead of the ER. They were short staffed and said I should go to the ER. So the pain let up a little bit for about 10 minutes but as soon as I checked in to the ER the pain came right back and even more intense. The nurse grabbed me after about 5-10 minutes which seemed like an eternity and asked me some questions, took my BP, pulse etc. I told her I just had IVF I'm 4w5d pregnant, she asked me what IVF was! I was like In Vetro Fertilization. So they got me into a room I changed into a gown, laid down on the bed and looked for a garbage can because I vomited! I was in so much pain. The ER doctor (Radke) came in and talked to me I gave him all the details of our IVF and told him I called my doctor's office and told him they aren't concerned with an ectopic because my labs have been so good. He agreed and said he was concerned with ovarian torsion. He ordered labs and an ultrasound and pain killers and anti-nausea meds (I asked him if they were ok during pregnancy and he said yes). So they gave me morphine and zofran, they got a foley catheter placed and an IV. I asked about 15 minutes after they gave me the morphine, how long it would take to kick in because I didn't have any relief. So they said it should have kicked in and then gave me some delotid because that's supposed to kick in faster. My husband finally called back and my mom told him we were in the ER and I had severe RLQ pain, to get there as soon and safely as he could but don't panic. Then I went for my ultrasound (I work in this department) and my fellow co-worker Alicia did my exam. I was still in so much pain; the nurse came down and gave me more delotid. I told Alicia that from my labs last week they think I'm having twins; my blood work from today hasn't come in yet. So she did the exam, she saw two small fluid filled sacs both measuring 4w5d within my endometrium. :) She saw blood flow to both of my ovaries :) So they on-call ob/gyn Dr. Bublik-Anderson came in after the ultrasound and talked with me. She said we had two options either go to surgery to see if my right ovary is torsing or admit me and observe me and hopefully things get better or if they get worse then go to surgery. She said with everything I've been through she wants to be conservative and not jeopardize the pregnancy and I agreed. She said worse case scenario she'd get in there during surgery and have to remove my right ovary. (In my head this was horrible because my right ovary has been the "producer" and the champ ovary during the last two years and this would be horrible even though I am pregnant -probably with twins- and we have 5 frozen embryos) So she left to talk with the radiologist and I started to cry, I hadn't up to this point but hearing that I could possibly lose my right ovary (which I knew was a possibility before getting to the ER) but just hearing it made it all so real. At that time my husband arrived! It was so good to see his face. We updated him with what was going on. My pain was still so strong. We got back to the ER and waited for them to prepare our room on the OB unit. About 45 min. later they took me to the OB room and I got as comfortable as I could because the pain was still so intense they gave me more delotid in the ER after the ultrasound and more when I got to the OB room! Dr. Bublik-Anderson stopped by again she said she updated RMIA (RE doctor) and I said I still had so much pain and was worried that it would affect the babies. She said it doesn't cause any birth defects there is just a risk that the babies would go through with drawal. But she said it’s not chronic use and it's most important for me to be comfortable right now. So things settled down I had some jello and crackers and mainly just wanted to rest. My mom and husband went to grab some dinner. At about 7pm the pain started to decrease just a little, I had my last pain dose at 9pm. I slept pretty well. I woke up with very minimal pain. I was so happy but scared to move an inch in case the pain would come back. My OB Dr. Kerns stopped in in the morning and checked on me. He said he planned to keep me until Wed. morning. So I pretty much napped and watched TV all day. They let me have a regular diet and took my foley catheter out by noon. By 5pm they took me off my IV too. Here and there I would have a twinge of pain but it wouldn't last long and it wasn't very intense. Wednesday morning Dr. Kerns stopped back in and said I could go home, resume normal activities but don't do anything  strenuous or vigorous, no intercourse, no lifting heavy objects and I couldn't go back to work until I see him next week. So pretty much the same restrictions I've been on since the retrieval.

I'm so glad I didn't have to go to surgery, and that it didn't have anything to do with the babies.

I was happy to get home. Everyone was great at the hospital but it’s much harder to be the patient! Anyhow I was at home for a week and took it easy.  I had a follow-up appointment with my OB on Monday, April 16.  Things looked good and he told me I could go back to work.  He knew I would be having my viability ultrasound on 4/25 (I'll be 7w0d) so he said to schedule my new OB patient appointment with the nurse for the week after that and then the next week he'll meet with me.

So I went back to work this past Tuesday.  I am fortunate (and unfortunate in some ways) to be a  sonographer. I wanted to peak and make sure things were progressing normally with the babies and that my ovary size was starting to come down.  I saw two babies and two heartbeats!  We are officially having twins :)  I can't wait until Wednesday when we have our "official" ultrasound and we are release to my OB!!!  We are praying every day that things continue to go well.

I'll update you again after Wednesday :) :)

Ashley's IVF Results

So after our transfer (3/26/12) I ate LOTs of pineapple! A few fellow IVFers and I also read what helps implantation that fresh pineapple is supposed to help implantation. So I ate 1/2 of pineapple 3/26-3/30! I thought its worth a shot! I love fresh pineapple. I had some mild cramping throughout the week and I thought my bloating (from the retrieval on 3/21) was starting to go down on over the weekend. Monday I woke up and I was really bloated again (I was hoping this was a good sign) we also received our letter from the embryologist that we had 5 embryos frozen- great news! We only lost one embryo :) Most people only get to freeze one or two - we are so lucky. Tuesday I had a little break down before going to bed. I was crying thinking about receiving bad news on Friday. I hadn't had any symptoms or if I did I attributed them to other causes (having a headache for two days 3/29-3/30, vision changes for the past week, breast soreness but I am taking progesterone) I also woke up at 10:44 pm that night with horrible cramping very similar to when I have my period except a little worse. Wednesday I had to be up at 4:00 am to go in for my first bHCG lab. I prayed the whole way there 1.5 hrs. When I got there I asked the nurse if she would be calling me today if the lab came back at 0. She said they still make you come back on Friday so that's when I'd get results. I told her I was just curious because my DH and I were contemplating taking a hpt test even though I didn't really want to find out that way because we would have family at our house as soon as we got home on Friday and they'd be staying the whole weekend and I also would be having my sister's baby shower on Saturday. So I went to work and on my drive home from work I was trying to figure out if it would be best to take a hpt that night or Thursday night, when my phone rang! A the nurse's voice said "Ashley, this is Jean, I've just been dying to call you all day, your labs came back great! Not just good, great!" I said crying "Oh, I didn't expect to hear from you today, thank you so so so very much I can't tell you how much this means to me." She said I just couldn't have you waiting and thinking about this all week and then having to go to your sister's baby shower on Saturday. I didn't want you to worry, and if I had any doubt I wouldn't have called you but your labs are great, with a possibility of twins. Your bHCG is 332 and progesterone is 169." After I hung up the phone I cried, no balled like a baby, to the point I probably should have stopped the car! I was so happy and in shock! A few minutes after I calmed down I called my husband to see when he'd be home. He said he had to work late and would be home in a few hours. So I was trying to think of a way to tell him! We originally thought we'd find out by me peeing on a hpt and we'd both find out at the same time and have it confirmed on Friday by a call from the doctor's office. So I got home and made a sign/card that said "we are finally pregnant". When my husband got home I was trying to act as normal as possible. After a few minutes I said come here a minute we need to talk, so I had him come into our bedroom and sit down at the edge of the bed. I told him Stella and I have something to tell you. (Stella is our lab) I handed him the card, he opened it and a huge smile came across his face and he said "really?" and I told him all the details of the nurse calling. We decided to not tell any of our family until we received our results on Friday to make sure things stayed positive!

So Friday morning my mom road with me (clueless) to my appointment. The nurse asked what my mom thought and I said I haven't told her yet. She laughed and said she's road with you three times now you need to tell her on your way home. I said yes it's been hard keeping it from her. So after leaving the clinic I told her. She is so excited and happy :)

Friday afternoon Jean called and said your labs came back great again today they more than doubled 872 today! She said she thinks we are having twins!! :) (We hope so too!)

Friday night we told my parents and my sister & her husband, I put a little piece of paper saying we are pregnant and candy in a plastic Easter egg for each of them. We also told my husbands parents and siblings at our Easter Gathering on Saturday, and my grandma on Easter. We will tell my other grandparents today or tomorrow. Everyone is very happy. One of the most special parts in all of this is our due date is 12/12/12, which was my grandpa's birthday. He passed away 3.5 yrs ago and I can't help but think he's had a hand in this. We thanked everyone for their prayers and asked them to continue to pray for everything to go well and for us to have healthy pregnancy and baby(s).

We will tell the rest of our family and friends as soon as we know if there is one or two and we see heartbeat(s) which will be in the next week or two and know that everything is going well. I am fortunate that I am a sonographer and can find out sooner than our viability ultrasound that is scheduled for 4/25.

I've been feeling pretty good, bloating, tired, and crampy but I'm enjoying it! We are SO excited and still in shock it's so hard to believe! We are praying for everything to work out and continue to go well - hoping for the best and ready and hoping for twins, but would feel very blessed with one as well! :)

Ashley's IVF

Well, I just like to give a quick update about our IVF journey. We started stimulation drugs two weeks ago and on Wednesday 3/21 we had our retrieval! On Monday they knew I was a little over stimulated (OHSS) so they gave me some medicine to help with that because usually the symptoms get worse after the retrieval. The retrieval went well. Hubby was in the operating room, I was under anethisea, we got 13 eggs!! Since the retrieval I've been very bloated (which is very normal I'm told) but other than that I've felt good so far. On Friday we found out we will be doing a Day 5 transfer (on Monday, March 26) and that is when we will find out how many embyros made it and if we'll have some to freeze too. For now I'm just focused on preventing and reducing the OHSS symptoms (they can get worse or onset if I become pregnant too) by staying hydrated and not being on my feet for too long. I've been doing stuff around the house but then resting when I feel like I've had enough. We are praying every moment and stay positive! I'll update you when I know more.

Well, yesterday our transfer went very well. We got to the clinic and they did a
quick OHSS check on me. Things look good with that they just want to monitor me
again tomorrow to make sure things stay that way. After the OHSS check they
went over our post-transfer instructions. I was on bed rest with bathroom privileges
starting right after the transfer until Wednesday. They require this to give
the best chance possible for the embryo(s) to implant. They also don't want you
showering or bathing until 2 days after the transfer. I can go back to work
Wednesday but cannot do any strenuous activities or lift more than 10 lbs until
my pregnancy test, which will be on 4/4/12 & 4/6/12. They will not give me
results until 4/6/12. If I do get pregnant we won't know how many implanted
until a couple weeks later when we can see by ultrasound.
After we went over the post-transfer instructions they took us into the procedure
room. I took my valium (they have you take this so you are relaxed and able to
sleep/rest after the transfer) than the Embryologist came in to tell us what
has happened since our retrieval. Out of our 13 eggs retrieved, 10 were mature
and that they could ICSI. Out of those 10, 8 fertilized normally. We had 3
grade 1 embryos on Monday (3/26/12) they chose the best two to transfer and the
third was frozen. The will continue to watch the other 5 and will freeze up to
5 more but the Embryologist said she's hoping for at least a few more. She said
they are all doing well, but they will only freeze the ones that are good
quality. We will know how many are frozen sometime next week. Of the two great
quality ones that were transferred one was already starting to hatch (ready to
implant) and the other wasn't far behind! We are so happy and so excited!!! We
are also so lucky to such great and supportive friends and family. My parents
brought dinner last night which was so nice.

P.S. Of course there is nothing good on tv ;)

Vacation and starting our IVF journey

I apologize that I haven't been on here much lately. I just returned from vacation 2/19, we were in Arizona (visiting my grandparents) and Las Vegas (with friends) -we had a wonderful and relaxing time. Before we left things were crazy with work and getting our labs done for our IVF pre-screening. So once we returned we had our nephew's baptism and found out from my husband's brother that they are expecting again (nothing like getting back to reality and getting slapped in the face with that right away) I am excited for them, I just wish they would have handled telling us the news better (we were the last ones to know and were told in front of 20+ people.) Anyhow, we had our first IVF start appointment on 2/22, I'm on BC and will be starting Lurpon 2/29. I have my first baseline US on 3/8, hopefully the cyst that is on my left ovary will be gone so we can start stimulation meds on 3/10. So we'll take it one step at at time. I'm so excited because I feel like this is going to work :)

Good luck to all of you who are TTC!!!!
-Ashley

Question #29

29. Tell us about a friendship you lost or a relationship that changed for the worse because of infertility.

Shannon:

I haven't lost or worsened any friendships or relationships. I don't have that many friends anyway, and the ones I do are kind enough to listen and sympathize. Any issues I had with family members due to their fertility success vs my infertility was resolved afterwards.

Steph:

None of my friendships really changed for the worst... Everyone that has done or said anything to get to me is family so I'm stuck with them lol

Ashley:
My relationships have grown with different people in different ways. I'd say for those people who are interested and empathize those relationships have grown. Those friends who just think I need to relax or that it will come in time (like its not a big deal and don't have any clue about the emotions and toll it takes on us) I've become a little more distant or tend to pull away but not significant way.
Three relationships that stand out:
1. My sister (only sibling): we told her and her husband Nov. 2010, she got pregnant Sept. 2011, since she's been pregnant I feel like its hard for her and hard for me so she's cautious what she says around me for the most part, but its because she's being courteous. We've never had the closest relationship but I have been hoping for a long time when she got pregnant that would strengthen our relationship (because I've always wanted to be pregnant she has not) but because I'm struggling with this, it hasn't changed our relationship much. I do have more respect for her now because of the way she's handled things through this time.
2. Friend: She found out she was pregnant right when I was diagnosed. She believes it will happen to us, we just need to relax and it will come in time. (when she's probably going to get pregnant with her second child soon) When we get together with a group she always seems to say stuff about it that makes me resent her. She is a little self absorbed.
3. My Grandmother: She is a person who is sweet and carrying but also wrapped up in herself. Since we've told her she has been a total different person than I've ever known. She truly empathizes for us, prays for us and thinks of us daily. She has been so thoughtful I just am amazed, and it has made our relationship grow immensely.

Question #28

28. Have you ever done something “non-traditional” in order to help you conceive?

Shannon:

I haven't tried anything other than the Vitex vitamin. I do want to try acupuncture, although it terrifies me, fertility massage, and a chiropractic visit. One day :)

Mrs Red:

A Mexican tea blend. It was super complicated, had a special pot, you never drained the pot, just added more water to equal a liter, more leaves and boiled every morning. It tasted disgusting and had. Very distinct smell. And it didn't work. I had to rub belladonna and apple *something Spanish* cream on my stomach every morning for 2 weeks. It was very complicated and didnt work at all. But it appeased my MIL.

Ashley:
I have tried a Chiropractor for a short while, but she really made me mad after a month when she questioned if I was sure I was ready to do IVF because I'm young and could have multiples, etc. I haven't gone back since. I felt like it made me feel better but I don't think it really would affect my infertility.

Question #27

27. If you had known that you would have trouble conceiving, what would you have done differently in life? If you already knew, did that knowledge affect your other life choices?

Shannon:

I would have hoped to catch this sooner before it progressed as far as it has. Granted, I found out at 21, so it wasn't very late in the process. I do wish that I had stayed in college and gotten that out of the way. By now I would have a great paying job and be able to afford the treatments. Not waiting for more treatments after schooling is half way through :/

Mrs Red:

I probably would have been a lot more careful with credit debt, stayed off of birth control (I think it made it worse), and gone to an RE right away.


Ashley:
I would have tried much harder to get pregnant in the first three months after coming off birth control pills, and I would have went to a RE right away instead of wasting a whole year with my GYN doing metformin for 9 months (which didn't help me at all) and clomid for 3 (didn't work). I think if I would have known before I got married it could have changed things for the worse - I often feel guilty I'm putting my husband through this. So I'm glad we found out after we were married.

Question #25

25. Talk about a time when you made someone in your life understand more about infertility.

Shannon:

I'll talk to anyone that listens about it. I've gotten better and to the point where I don't cry every time. I couldn't list one specific time though. Most of the time they look like they don't want to talk about it and aren't paying attention... Oh well. The least I can do is try to spread the word!

Mrs Red:

I talk about it all the time. My co workers are probably tired of hearing it but I try to spread the word everywhere and make sure people are educated so that thy can learn to be more sensitive, I talk about it to anyone who will listen. I don't just spring it on people but I try to bring it up when it seems someone can be better educated, or when they ask why I don't have children.

Ashley:
I also talk to everyone about it. I talk to family, friends, patients and strangers. I try to educate when the subject comes up. Or if someone asks if I have kids I usually say no, we struggle with infertility...and go on and talk more about it. I don't just go around talking about it but make sure I talk about it when appropriate and don't just let the moment pass by. Its amazing how many people struggle with infertility and how many people have NO CLUE about it.

Question #24

24. How has your financial situation affected your infertility journey?

Shannon:

Fertility treatments can get expensive, especially if you are referred to an RE. When you find out the clomid treatments are $1000 (including sonos)... That is a LOT of money. Not in the long run, I know. And definitely not the most expensive. But that would be EVERY MONTH of treatment. We have a hard time saving it up. Usually when we get close, something else comes up!

Mrs Red:

My hubby and I had a bad habit before marriage of putting everything on credit so we have a mountain of credit debt, plus now a mortgage... So most of our money goes to that. When I worked for a mutual fund company my insurance didn't cover it and we weren't all for paying out of pocket. I ended up quitting my job of 7 years and stayed out of work for 5 months getting out of depression and trying to 'just relax and get pregnant' didn't work. So I started working again and we realized when we switched insurances to my hubby's his work covered infertility treatments!!! So we started them because even if we didn't have much spare money, it was ok because the insurance covered a lot of it. I have been very blessed with my new job because it affords us to pay down our debt without acquiring more and still do treatments. We have only done 3 rounds of iui but it's still a lot even with insurance. We are waiting to pay down more debt before we plunge into ivf this summer. Let's pray we can continue on that path incase our healthier lifestyle change doesn't bring us a baby :-)



Ashley:
Unfortunately I feel this whole journey is driven by finances and will power. We pay everything out of pocket and I'm not sure how but we have found some way to move forward without taking much time off between treatments. My husband owns a business with a business partner and the business does very well but they don't draw much of a wage because they want to pay everything off as soon as possible (which I understand because they are starting their 4 year) but it does get frustrating going through this journey because I feel like if we were a "normal" household with two incomes we could have done things a little quicker & less stressful financially. We've used the money that he makes to pay for our fertility treatments since we usually live off of my income for everything else. So for the most part it has worked out. We are just starting IVF in which we did have to barrow a small portion of the amount, which has been the first time we've had to do that. We do not like debt and the only debt we have is our home, business and now $5500 for IVF. That also helps keep my stress level down.

Question #23

23. Does your religion (or lack of) help/hurt/affect your infertility journey? Have you found religion? Lost it? Does it affect what treatments you do?

Mrs Red:
Honesty time! I made the decision to become Christian in February 2002. I spent the first 4ish years of my Christianity trying to find my spiritually through bible study and from church hopping (my first church got real gossipy) then a little before I got married we found a church we both liked and went occasionally. Well we got married and started on our journey.... Im not going to lie, this has been a long and hard 5 years. The first year I was all optimistic and like yeah pray and it will happen right away. Then the first year passed and still no baby. I got depressed and started doubting. Year 2 took a really bad toll on me spiritually. I sought out for a lot of answers. I had started listening to k-love radio and it helped by giving me some encouragement. At the new year we started going to church regularly. We never really had and we weren't talking about it, we were just like let's go to church and the pastor at my church is amazing. He makes you not feel like a piece of crud and explains things simply. He gives you encouragement to get through the week and to reflect on things. I was never raised as "go to church everyday and worship" but this church made me want to go and learn more. I feel I'm more understanding now and that God isn't not answering my prayers, he's simply telling me to wait. I can accept that. This journey has actually renewed my strength and made me appreciate things in my life more. I still wouldn't call myself the best representation of Christianity but I have learned a lot in the last 5 years.

Shannon:

Honestly? I will get a LOT of crap for this. Especially if people I know read this... I was raised catholic (and in the summers went to a baptist church with my dad's side of the family). I've been a very strong believer... until the last year or so. Fertility issues really make you think. And it would drive me nuts that people would tell me to just pray about it. Or the ones that said I couldn't get pregnant because I didn't go to church. Stuff like this makes you think. Taking anatomy classes for school doesn't help either. And KNOWING that a hormone is what is causing all of these problems... I just felt like I had a chemical imbalance, that it is all scientific. I now consider myself Agnostic. Agnosticism is the view that the truth value of certain claims—especially claims about the existence or non-existence of any deity, but also other religious and metaphysical claims—is unknown or unknowable. I don't deny that there is a God. But I can't deny other possibilities of being purely scientific or multiple deities. I did consider Wicca because I liked it in high school when I did it for a short while. But at this point in my life I don't find I have the energy or time to learn a new religion. And I still couldn't get into it 100%. I'm sure many people will not like me because of this admittance, but this is a blog about total honesty and openness to all groups/types of people.

Ashley:

My husband and I were both born and raised Roman Catholic. Religion is important to us, I think me even more so, however I don't necessarily believe in the position the Roman Catholic Church takes on infertility/conceiving. God is a very important structure in my life and I feel if he didn't want us to use conventional methods (IUI, IVF, etc.) then he wouldn't have given mankind the intellectual ability to develop such methods. So it really hasn't affect how we proceed with our treatment journey. I don't feel I have lost faith along the way but may be at short times...but I still always believe even though I may be angry with God or questioning Him. I also feel I have more and more faith as we go because I think that's the only thing I can believe in.