Showing posts with label Sheila. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sheila. Show all posts
Saturday, January 16, 2016
An update- Not a ttc update, but somewhat related
I have decided to write an update since it has been a while. Although, as of right now DH and I are somewhat taking a break from proactively ttc. I mean, I am still charting and we are not preventing, however I have decided not to further my next steps until we have more of our ducks in a row (paying off some student loans and other debt, purchasing a more reliable car, etc). Lately I have been pretty busy though. I am nearly finished with school for medical assisting. I know it's not as intense as nursing (I have SO MUCH respect for nurses, because I know they are amazing and I surely couldn't do all that they do. Major props to Shannon! You go girl!), however, I have really been enjoying it. I am now on the externship portion of my education, and although it is very busy, I have been enjoying it very much! I felt so fortunate and blessed to have the opportunity to be placed at a reproductive medicine facility. I feel so passionate about any of those in this position. Some people that I knew had questioned my reasoning in wanting to be placed there, or they told me that my emotions would be too much of a problem working in that setting because of my own situation. I thought and prayed over it for a while, and still thought of nowhere else I'd rather be. I have discovered that I truly have a passion for this. I find myself wanting to research, learn and be aware of all areas. I have even had quite the opposite feeling while being at externship, than some people have expected. The whole time I am there, I don't even think about my situation with ttc. I just care about preforming my duties, providing the best care, and aiming to help all those dealing with this situation. Let me discuss briefly about the moment, I realized I had discovered that I was correct in why I wanted to be placed there so badly. One of the five doctors that I work under has a very particular way that he wants his patients roomed. So after you room his patients, you stand outside in the hallway until you have to do the next task required (It would take a long time to explain everything, so I am just summing up). So, as he went in to do an OB scan, I was waiting in the hall. Not that I listen or eavesdrop (I aim to give everyone their privacy), but when this doctor gets excited his voice carries and there is nothing I can do to avoid hearing him. Well, I heard him tell this couple "Congratulations! It's twins! They look great!", the couple then comes out and you could tell they were crying. The whole time this is happening, tears are rolling down my face as well. Tears of complete joy. Not tears of bitterness, envy, anger, sadness or any of the such. I was overwhelmed with complete joy, complete and utter happiness. I knew at that moment, there is nothing I want to do career wise, more than to help others who are also going through infertility. I am not sure if there is an opening for hire there or not, but I am hoping and praying, that by the end of my externship that there is and that they want to keep me for hire. Although, it does raise some concerns, such as if I get hired, I am not quite sure that I can be seen there when the time comes for me to further my treatment in ttc. However, to me, it will be worth it to drive somewhere further, to help those that I am passionate about helping. I guess time will only tell what will happen from here. I truly hope you all are doing well, I'd love to her from you, and here's to LOTS OF BABY DUST to each and every one of you <3
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Optimistic 2WW
Hello everyone. I hope everyone is doing well. It's been a while since I have posted an update, so I thought I would go ahead and do so now. Back in September I believe it was, I did my first month of clomid at 50mg. It was unsuccessful and my cycle day 21 progesterone test only came back a .7. My Dr increased my dosage to 100mg. First month on 100mg, my progesterone was 11.6. The second month it was a 12. Unfortunately, my doctor didn't do a progesterone test this last cycle.
I am very optimistic about this cycle. Things so far are looking extremely well. My chart looks good (especially if you take out the first dip and rise because I was very sick those days and they effected my temps, fertility friend isn't even taking them into effect). 2 days ago, I experienced what I am pretty sure was implantation bleeding at 6dpo. If not, then I am honestly going to be completely shocked because it seemed very likely to be implantation with the consistency of it, rather than anything else. Some of my tracking apps are giving me a lot of hope because every time I enter any information (CM, some symptoms, temps and more), they always are telling me they could be a sign of confirmation that I may have conceived. So, I am trying very hard not to get my hopes too high for being set up for disappointment, but so far everything seems to be great. Only time will tell, so we will see :) How is everybody else doing right now?
I am very optimistic about this cycle. Things so far are looking extremely well. My chart looks good (especially if you take out the first dip and rise because I was very sick those days and they effected my temps, fertility friend isn't even taking them into effect). 2 days ago, I experienced what I am pretty sure was implantation bleeding at 6dpo. If not, then I am honestly going to be completely shocked because it seemed very likely to be implantation with the consistency of it, rather than anything else. Some of my tracking apps are giving me a lot of hope because every time I enter any information (CM, some symptoms, temps and more), they always are telling me they could be a sign of confirmation that I may have conceived. So, I am trying very hard not to get my hopes too high for being set up for disappointment, but so far everything seems to be great. Only time will tell, so we will see :) How is everybody else doing right now?
Sunday, September 21, 2014
Sheila's update
So, it has been a very long time since I posted, so I figured I would update now that I have finally started some real treatment (of course last years being nothing but a joke). I still feel really foolish that I didn't start seeking better treatment much sooner. I feel like although I have technically been trying for approaching six years, it's nothing compared to what you ladies have been through. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying it's a competition or anything, I just feel guilty for everything you ladies have been through, and I haven't endured near as much and I am so sorry for all those hardtimes you have been through in this journey. I also am feeling kind of nervous about how late I started seeking treatment, wondering if I have alot more years ahead of me before I really meet my end goal: a precious baby in my arms. Then I am feeling a lot of guilt when being hopeful thinking "What if this treatment does work? That is so not fair to these other women who have endured so much more than me and are still struggling". Ladies, my heart is truly going out for you. You don't know it, but I really pray for you every day. Really, my heart is more for you to obtain your precious baby more so then me. I can't imagine the pain that your heart holds through all the failed treatments. I am so sorry. My first "real" treatment wasn't successful. The stress of going through everything was so much more overwhelming than I anticipated, and this is just a baby step compared to what you have been through. I am truly so sorry.
So, this was my first cycle taking provera to induce AF and first cycle taking clomid to attempt to make me ovulate. This was so much more overwhelming than I had anticipated. Of course those of you have been on provera, I am sure you know what the period is like....so yeah that was...."fun" but still I did anticipate that, so I knew it was coming and honestly although it isn't that pleasant, it wasnt that bad although my cramps were horrendous and had to be in the bathroom every 5 minutes. I took clomid on days 3-7, and got a little bit of mood swings but weren't as bad as I was expecting, so that was good. The more overwhelming parts were, charting (getting mixed signals with my cm, opks, and bbt on opposite days of each other were making me paranoid and drove me up the wall), we are also fighting the insurance company on coverage of my doctor's office visit. However, the MOST overwhelming part, was the doctor's office receptionist. She has NO CLUE what she is doing. Let me explain further.
Don't get me wrong, I think my doctor and especially his nurse are truly great. This receptionist however, has caused me nothing but headaches. So my doctor sends me a card in the mail after my first inital visit and tells me my bloodwork labs came back normal, and to continue the provera and clomid as mentioned in his office and to schedule a 21 day cycle appointment. So the wording on the card makes me think I need to schedule an appointment. I call my doctor's office and the nurse answers and tells me that normally its just a blood test, but my doctor did have it in the system as an actual appointment, so she needed to check and make sure. I called back 6 hours later, and they still had no answer. So then, I call back the next day and tell the receptionist all of this, and she disregards what I say, cuts me off and says "You don't have to make appointments for 21 day tests, you just go to the lab and get your blood drawn". So whatever, for some stupid reason I decide to take her word for it. I go on CD 22 for my blood work (CD 21 was a Sunday). I first go up to the doctors office and ask if there is paper work I need to take down to the lab, she tells me no it should already be down there and if not to call and she would send it down ( Note: I did inform her that I was there for a day 21 progesterone test).
Then I proceed to go down to the lab and they tell me they have no paperwork, so I tell them what she said and she calls upstairs. So then they are talking forever, and based on the conversation I can tell they are struggling to find my information, and the lady at the lab desk tells the receptionist upstairs to fax it when she finds it. So I assumed they finally did find it, because they called be back for my lab draw. They take the blood draw and I ask when I can get my results- they tell me 24 hours. I call back two days later, only for the conversation to go as follows
Me: Hello, I was calling about my progesterone test results
Receptionist: Okay give me a few minutes to look that up
*wait several minutes*
Receptionist:Okay well we find your results but it looks like they did the prolactin, thyroid and blood pregnancy test
Me: I already had that done like a month ago...
Receptionist :One sec
*wait several minutes*
Receptionist :Okay well you were supposed to call us and make an appointment and then we would know which lab you were going to
Me: I called and tried to schedule an appointment and you told me I don't call anyone just to come get the labs done.
Receptionist: Oh, I am sorry about that. Let me connect you to the nurse
So then my nurse is SUPER ticked off about what happened, (but very nice and professional to me, she just felt bad about what they did to me) but after several phone calls between her and I that day, she cleared it up and found out she could still run my progesterone test with my previous sample.
A few days later I try to call and find out my results again. Conversation as follows
Me: Hello, I am calling about my progesterone results
Receptionist :(after getting my name and dob) Okay it says that it's .7 , It says your labs are normal. I don't know anything about the number but since your labs are normal that means you ovulated.
Me (confused after hearing the number .7 thinking that sounds incredibly low) Oh it was .7? And this means I ovulated?
Receptionist: Yes
Me: Okay thank you, bye.
(I got this card in the mail just yesterday, so later than these phone calls)
Then after thinking about it a while longer, I know this sounds low and theres no way this lady could be right so I decided to call back and demand to speak to the nurse to clear things up. The nurse then confirms what I already knew, that my progesterone is low, and moving forward we are uping my clomid dosage. So anyways, I was just incredibly annoyed that the receptionist first tells me I dont need an appointment, then sends the wrong paperwork down making me get the wrong blood work, then tells me its my fault for not making an appointment after she is the one who told me not to, then tells me the very wrong thing about my progesterone. If I wouldn't have known any better or called back, I would have just continued to think the medication worked even though it didn't. So yeah....that was annoying but could be worse so I am okay with it. So thats where I am at now. Af hasnt started yet, so will need to call and get more provera ordered along with the higher dosage of clomid, and that's where I am at as far as now. Sorry for the very long post. I truly hope all is doing well with everybody! Where is everybody else at on their journey? My thoughts and prayers are truly with each and every one of you :)
Sheila
So, this was my first cycle taking provera to induce AF and first cycle taking clomid to attempt to make me ovulate. This was so much more overwhelming than I had anticipated. Of course those of you have been on provera, I am sure you know what the period is like....so yeah that was...."fun" but still I did anticipate that, so I knew it was coming and honestly although it isn't that pleasant, it wasnt that bad although my cramps were horrendous and had to be in the bathroom every 5 minutes. I took clomid on days 3-7, and got a little bit of mood swings but weren't as bad as I was expecting, so that was good. The more overwhelming parts were, charting (getting mixed signals with my cm, opks, and bbt on opposite days of each other were making me paranoid and drove me up the wall), we are also fighting the insurance company on coverage of my doctor's office visit. However, the MOST overwhelming part, was the doctor's office receptionist. She has NO CLUE what she is doing. Let me explain further.
Don't get me wrong, I think my doctor and especially his nurse are truly great. This receptionist however, has caused me nothing but headaches. So my doctor sends me a card in the mail after my first inital visit and tells me my bloodwork labs came back normal, and to continue the provera and clomid as mentioned in his office and to schedule a 21 day cycle appointment. So the wording on the card makes me think I need to schedule an appointment. I call my doctor's office and the nurse answers and tells me that normally its just a blood test, but my doctor did have it in the system as an actual appointment, so she needed to check and make sure. I called back 6 hours later, and they still had no answer. So then, I call back the next day and tell the receptionist all of this, and she disregards what I say, cuts me off and says "You don't have to make appointments for 21 day tests, you just go to the lab and get your blood drawn". So whatever, for some stupid reason I decide to take her word for it. I go on CD 22 for my blood work (CD 21 was a Sunday). I first go up to the doctors office and ask if there is paper work I need to take down to the lab, she tells me no it should already be down there and if not to call and she would send it down ( Note: I did inform her that I was there for a day 21 progesterone test).
Then I proceed to go down to the lab and they tell me they have no paperwork, so I tell them what she said and she calls upstairs. So then they are talking forever, and based on the conversation I can tell they are struggling to find my information, and the lady at the lab desk tells the receptionist upstairs to fax it when she finds it. So I assumed they finally did find it, because they called be back for my lab draw. They take the blood draw and I ask when I can get my results- they tell me 24 hours. I call back two days later, only for the conversation to go as follows
Me: Hello, I was calling about my progesterone test results
Receptionist: Okay give me a few minutes to look that up
*wait several minutes*
Receptionist:Okay well we find your results but it looks like they did the prolactin, thyroid and blood pregnancy test
Me: I already had that done like a month ago...
Receptionist :One sec
*wait several minutes*
Receptionist :Okay well you were supposed to call us and make an appointment and then we would know which lab you were going to
Me: I called and tried to schedule an appointment and you told me I don't call anyone just to come get the labs done.
Receptionist: Oh, I am sorry about that. Let me connect you to the nurse
So then my nurse is SUPER ticked off about what happened, (but very nice and professional to me, she just felt bad about what they did to me) but after several phone calls between her and I that day, she cleared it up and found out she could still run my progesterone test with my previous sample.
A few days later I try to call and find out my results again. Conversation as follows
Me: Hello, I am calling about my progesterone results
Receptionist :(after getting my name and dob) Okay it says that it's .7 , It says your labs are normal. I don't know anything about the number but since your labs are normal that means you ovulated.
Me (confused after hearing the number .7 thinking that sounds incredibly low) Oh it was .7? And this means I ovulated?
Receptionist: Yes
Me: Okay thank you, bye.
(I got this card in the mail just yesterday, so later than these phone calls)
Sheila
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
About the Author: Sheila
Age: 24
Date of Birth: July 13, 1989
Nationality/Heritage: American (portion Native American and British)
City/State/Country: Stoutsville, OH USA
Occupation: Part Owner @ Tara's Country Home Candles
Kid's Names and Ages: none
TTC Since: October 2008
Infertility Diagnosis: PCOS -2013 (getting a second opinion)
Spouse: Shawn, 26
Married: August 23, 2008
Religion: Christian
Tattoos & Piercings: Ears
5 Things I Love: God, My hubby duh, ice cream, fall (I think being in marching band in high school made me partial, lol), coke (caffeine is a huge weakness for me :( ), I will do two more, since the first two may not count lol: purple, hoodies in fall/winter and flip-flops in spring/summer
Favorite Books: The Bible, The Chronicles of Narnia, The Hobbit, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Hatchet, The Shack, Battle Royale, Any V.C. Andrews book, Beowulf, Macbeth, To Kill a Mockingbird, Frankenstein, Pilgrims Progress, Wicked and much more
Favorite Movies: Shrek, Harry Potter, The Notebook, Grease, Avatar, Fox and the Hound, Lion King, Elf, E.T. and much more
Favorite Shows: Duck Dynasty, Big Bang Theory, Who Dunnit, Once Upon a Time, Star Trek (I'm a nerd :D), Boy Meets World, other than these I don't watch much TV
Favorite Music: Pretty much any praise and worship, Casting Crowns is my favorite. Also like Misty Edwards, Jesus Culture, Hillsong, BarlowGirl, Tenth Avenue North, etc. Also like Christian Rock such as Disciple, Demon Hunter, TFK, Skillet, Etc. Also love 80s music and some country as well.
Favorite Food: Anything spicy!
Six Things I Could Now Live Without: God, my husband.... seriously couldn't, my phone, my hair brush or hair ties, family and friends, flip-flops and hoodies according to the season, lol
I'm Really Good At: I am actually a very good writer when I sit down to seriously write (or at least that's what I have been told by many people). Other than that, not much talent, haha. My DH has all the talent, lol
I Spend a Lot of Time Thinking About: When and if I will ever be a mommy... Other than that, it depends. I think a lot, my mind goes non stop. It is actually quite ridiculous, lol
On My Free Time I: Well, I love Pinterest (especially new recipes and things to make for gifts) and Facebook. I also love to read. I write on occasion as well. I love spending time with family and friends.
A Secret About Me: Well it's not much of a secret, but my mom died when I was 15 and my dad died February 2013. I try not to think about it and not to get all "woe is me", but when I do think about it I get mad because I feel I am way too young to have lost both of my parents. However, I know there are people out there that have it much worse than I do, so I try not to let it get to me.
If Money Were No Object & I Could Do What I Wanted for 1 Week I Would: Oh my gosh. I have no idea. I would like to say go vacation somewhere. I would rather buy a really nice house if money weren't an object. However I don't know if that lines up to the one week part, lol.
What I Talk About On The Blog: Diagnosis, second opinions, Emotions, Hope, etc
Blog Position: Facebook Poster, Pinterest Poster, Author
Contact Info:
Email: slimflutie@gmail.com; slimflutie@yahoo.com; sheilah@fighting4fertility.org.in
Pinterest: Sheila Hill; Waiting Mothers
Friday, April 19, 2013
Fertile/Infertile Fridays: A whole list of randomness
Okay, to those who saw my emotional breakdown last night over yet ANOTHER pregnancy announcement, I am truly sorry. Some days or nights it gets to me more than others, last night was one of those nights. Perhaps its because she has had 3 different boyfriends in the last six months. Or perhaps its because I'm super hormonal and emotional...which brings me to my next topic.
So I'm somewhat thinking since I decided to take this month off of the BC since I got it so late, I think even going off it for this month may have screwed up regulating my cycles already. The last couple months while I was on it, my periods ranged from 28 to 30 days. Although maybe its too soon to tell. Its only CD 32 so no need to freak out about I guess. Theres a very very very very very slimmer of hope that I have that this time could me that magical month...but...realistically I know not to think that. I'm just so worried about messing this all up (regulating my cycles) when I don't even want be on birth control in the first place. Maybe since my emotions are so out of whack its means AF will be here soon. Idk. I am really thinking about telling the doctor I don't want to do the BC anyways, but Im not sure. On one hand I feel like its pointless, on the other hand I see his point on wanting to try and regulate my cycles. Hopefully if I do the juicing like Steph suggested in the previous blog (Thanks Steph!), then maybe I will be able to at least get somewhere. That's another thing, this dieting and exercising has gone absolutely nowhere for me, in fact I'm GAINING weight. Ugh, so needless to say I think I need to try a different approach. So, I am really thankful for Steph's advice and suggestions. Thanks so much!
Okay, so maybe this next topic will make some people angry and I'm really sorry if it does. However, I am so sick of not knowing what I want to do with my life, its probably so stupid and retarded that I have been ttc for so long way before I even knew what I want to do like career wise. I have tried to do like career aptitude tests and things like that. I still have no clue. People ask me what I have always pictured myself doing and other than being a mother I have no idea. Being a stay at home mom is out of the question though whenever I am able to have children. So hopefully I will figure all this out soon. I just feel like my life is so ridiculously out of place and I don't feel like I know how to get control of it. I keep praying for God to direct my path. I hope I figure out what to do soon though. I feel at a loss as of right now. It makes me feel so unsuccessful and like I have nothing to show for myself and that I'm lazy or something. It's not that I don't want to do anything with my life, I'm just scared to go to college and have debts of student loans and not even finish school because I change my mind or something. Has anyone else battled this? What did you do to solve it? I need some help lol.
Oh one other topic really quick, is it weird for me to not want to talk to my husband about my emotions through this infertility/PCOS journey? Its not that I'm concerned about his feelings. Its just, I don't feel he understands and I just annoy him with my emotions about it. I'm conflicted about whether to tell him how I feel when I am hurting. Yes I do long for his support, however I just know how he is, and I just really think I would get on his nerves which would make the situation worse for both of us.
Oh I lied, one more topic. I am SOOO not ready for next month. I wish I could skip the whole freaking month all together. Number one: the dreaded mothers day (my heart sank just typing that). Number two: I am invited to like 3 baby showers as of right now for May. Number 3: May 21st marks 8 years since my mother has passed away. She passed away when I was 15.As several of you know, my father passed away in late February this year as well. I hate how doom and gloom I can be, and I am sooo sorry to vent about it. It's just hard. I'm now parentless and childish and not even that close to 30. Oh well, things could be worse. I know God has a plan, I just wish I knew how to control my emotions better. Oh June is a stupid month too now that I think about it. I lost my niece 7 years ago this June (my poor sister, idk how she did it, losing her mother and daughter within 12 months and 2weeks of each other. She is a strong woman indeed), and of course fathers day is in June, and the birthday of mine and my husbands best friend/brother in law that we lost in December of 11 to a drunk driver. So yeah May and June...not looking forward to those. Can't we just skip to July? lol I'm jk. Okay for real, I am so sorry for that Debbie Downer moment just there. I probably look like the most depressed person ever, but I promise I'm not.
Well I'm off to get ready to have a night out with one of my best friends. After I night like last night, I really need it. I hope everything is going well for everyone else. Have a great weekend everyone!-Sheila
So I'm somewhat thinking since I decided to take this month off of the BC since I got it so late, I think even going off it for this month may have screwed up regulating my cycles already. The last couple months while I was on it, my periods ranged from 28 to 30 days. Although maybe its too soon to tell. Its only CD 32 so no need to freak out about I guess. Theres a very very very very very slimmer of hope that I have that this time could me that magical month...but...realistically I know not to think that. I'm just so worried about messing this all up (regulating my cycles) when I don't even want be on birth control in the first place. Maybe since my emotions are so out of whack its means AF will be here soon. Idk. I am really thinking about telling the doctor I don't want to do the BC anyways, but Im not sure. On one hand I feel like its pointless, on the other hand I see his point on wanting to try and regulate my cycles. Hopefully if I do the juicing like Steph suggested in the previous blog (Thanks Steph!), then maybe I will be able to at least get somewhere. That's another thing, this dieting and exercising has gone absolutely nowhere for me, in fact I'm GAINING weight. Ugh, so needless to say I think I need to try a different approach. So, I am really thankful for Steph's advice and suggestions. Thanks so much!
Okay, so maybe this next topic will make some people angry and I'm really sorry if it does. However, I am so sick of not knowing what I want to do with my life, its probably so stupid and retarded that I have been ttc for so long way before I even knew what I want to do like career wise. I have tried to do like career aptitude tests and things like that. I still have no clue. People ask me what I have always pictured myself doing and other than being a mother I have no idea. Being a stay at home mom is out of the question though whenever I am able to have children. So hopefully I will figure all this out soon. I just feel like my life is so ridiculously out of place and I don't feel like I know how to get control of it. I keep praying for God to direct my path. I hope I figure out what to do soon though. I feel at a loss as of right now. It makes me feel so unsuccessful and like I have nothing to show for myself and that I'm lazy or something. It's not that I don't want to do anything with my life, I'm just scared to go to college and have debts of student loans and not even finish school because I change my mind or something. Has anyone else battled this? What did you do to solve it? I need some help lol.
Oh one other topic really quick, is it weird for me to not want to talk to my husband about my emotions through this infertility/PCOS journey? Its not that I'm concerned about his feelings. Its just, I don't feel he understands and I just annoy him with my emotions about it. I'm conflicted about whether to tell him how I feel when I am hurting. Yes I do long for his support, however I just know how he is, and I just really think I would get on his nerves which would make the situation worse for both of us.
Oh I lied, one more topic. I am SOOO not ready for next month. I wish I could skip the whole freaking month all together. Number one: the dreaded mothers day (my heart sank just typing that). Number two: I am invited to like 3 baby showers as of right now for May. Number 3: May 21st marks 8 years since my mother has passed away. She passed away when I was 15.As several of you know, my father passed away in late February this year as well. I hate how doom and gloom I can be, and I am sooo sorry to vent about it. It's just hard. I'm now parentless and childish and not even that close to 30. Oh well, things could be worse. I know God has a plan, I just wish I knew how to control my emotions better. Oh June is a stupid month too now that I think about it. I lost my niece 7 years ago this June (my poor sister, idk how she did it, losing her mother and daughter within 12 months and 2weeks of each other. She is a strong woman indeed), and of course fathers day is in June, and the birthday of mine and my husbands best friend/brother in law that we lost in December of 11 to a drunk driver. So yeah May and June...not looking forward to those. Can't we just skip to July? lol I'm jk. Okay for real, I am so sorry for that Debbie Downer moment just there. I probably look like the most depressed person ever, but I promise I'm not.
Well I'm off to get ready to have a night out with one of my best friends. After I night like last night, I really need it. I hope everything is going well for everyone else. Have a great weekend everyone!-Sheila
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Maniac Mondays
I'm a day late in writing this, but here is my day in regards to yesterday. So, yesterday was an AWESOME DAY....NOT! Of course we had all the "I'm pregnant April fools jokes" yeah...not funny. Then I find out a girl I know really IS pregnant. Her daughter is almost 7 weeks old. This girl isn't lying either. She posted pics of her papers from her doctor and everything so people would believe her. She has 4 KIDS already! Not only that, but her boyfriends daughter is about a year and a half old. So that makes 5, pregnant with the 6th! And her daughter is 7 weeks old!!!!! That is ridiculous.......and I think she *may* be considering an abortion from some of the things she is saying. Horrible =( She posted a screenshot of explicit texts between her and her boyfriend a few weeks ago about how they were going to have sex and somebody asked if her doctor even cleared her for that and she said no. Real smart lady...way to go. Ughhh I kind of feel so stupid for being so jealous and mad and outraged, but REALLY???!!! Then I reposted the pic about not putting the im pregnant april fools joke out of respect of those who have lost babies, have endured years of ivf and infertility annnnd my stepmoms friend commented on it VERY RUDELY to me. She called me stupid (along with a bunch of other rude words she called me), and demanded I deleted it. Didn't even have the decency to private message me about it. Just went on to pretty much "yell" at me in front of everyone. I put the pic up out of respect to all you ladies, my sister and many other friends I have that are either dealing with infertility and/or who have suffered through miscarriages. I went on to ask the woman if she even know the background of the lady who made the pic (I had the opportunity to read that, thanks to Shannon for putting that up. Thanks Shannon!=D) and her response was "idc, do you know the background of my friend who lost a baby?" then my best friend commented on it and said "Sheila is just putting this up because she knows a lot of people who have miscarriages and stuff and doesn't want to see them hurt" and she went on to repeat herself and say "idc, do you know the background of my friend that lost a baby?" So anyways I deleted the pic and sent her a private message saying
"Im sorry I upset you earlier. I was posting that for alot of personal reasons. I dont tell everyone everything that goes on in my life. I was also sharing it for my sister bc she wanted me to but I understand what your saying so I took it down. My sister had 3 miscarriages and a baby dead not long after birth. I know its painful. I held my dead neice in my arms 13 months after my momma died. Then theres more personal issues Id rather not get into. Im sorry I hurt you though." But anyways, I understand what she was saying but she could have went about it a better way, and she could have been nicer and not confront me about it so publicly and she could have been more considerate. She really hurt me the way she handled it. I feel so immature for how I felt about it, but I literally cried myself to sleep last night over my day. Hormones and infertility suck. Today is going better though. Hope everybody had a MUCH better day than I did yesterday. Hope all is going well for everyone =D
"Im sorry I upset you earlier. I was posting that for alot of personal reasons. I dont tell everyone everything that goes on in my life. I was also sharing it for my sister bc she wanted me to but I understand what your saying so I took it down. My sister had 3 miscarriages and a baby dead not long after birth. I know its painful. I held my dead neice in my arms 13 months after my momma died. Then theres more personal issues Id rather not get into. Im sorry I hurt you though." But anyways, I understand what she was saying but she could have went about it a better way, and she could have been nicer and not confront me about it so publicly and she could have been more considerate. She really hurt me the way she handled it. I feel so immature for how I felt about it, but I literally cried myself to sleep last night over my day. Hormones and infertility suck. Today is going better though. Hope everybody had a MUCH better day than I did yesterday. Hope all is going well for everyone =D
Friday, March 1, 2013
So much going on, sorry for the crazy emotions
So this week has just been totally awful. Last Friday my husband got hit by a drunk driver and totaled my car. Thank God he is okay. The guy turned right into him, caused him to go left of center and hit another car, then he got spun around and landed in a yard less than a foot away from a gas main. I thank God sooo much for looking out for him. Then Sunday morning, I get a text from my stepmom saying my dad was rushed to the hospital and I text her back telling her I'm on my way and then she texted me back saying he didn't make it, medics said cardiac arrest. So now my whole world is upside down. My dad and I were very close and I was not prepared for this. Tuesday I had to pay 300 dollars to get my car out of the impound and then later that night I get a text saying my grandma (my moms mom) is in the hospital, thinking its a blood clot in the lung. I haven't heard anything back about it so I'm hoping no news is good news. I'm just an emotional wreck right now. I lost my mom when I was 15 and my dad now at 23. I wish so bad I could have given my parents grandchildren. Now when I do have kids, they will never know their grandma or grandpa. I'm having a very hard time with my dads death and I just wish this nightmare was over.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
There is Hope!
I cant believe I haven't posted this yet. I have to constantly remind myself of this daily, but God is faithful. I will one day have an awesome testimony to share =D
So as a human , I'm not perfect but each day I aim to be more what God wants me to be and do what God would have me to do. I often fail but he is so forgiving and he pulls me right back up unto his arms. Anyways sometimes being human, (and female lol), my emotions just get the best of me. I've been scared of the possibility not having a child because of a number of different things. My mom lost a baby to spinobefida, my grandma couldnt have a baby until after she was 30, my sister had miscarriages and lost a baby after birth (this is a complicated story), my aunt had trouble conceiving, alot of my family has endometrosis, my cycles are way out of whack all the time, and much much more (including generational curses, possibility of symptoms of different female problems and more). However I in no way claim any of these, and I speaking healing into these circumstance and I firmly believe and know that I have broke these curses and illness in the name of Jesus. Me being human, I have my flaws. Sometimes its hard for me to sit back and watch all these people get pregnant (especially people who complain about being a mother!) all the time, where I sometimes feel like it would never happen for me. I was feeling really upset back in June and having a hard time dealing with these.This all took place on June 6th, the birthday of my sisters baby who didn't make it, Hannah (keep note of this!) I was praying real hard and God spoke to me to read 1 Samuel. Now I have never been good at memorizing scripture (which I feel horrible for and continue to work on =() So, I didnt know what the story that 1 Samuel held. 1 Samuel is about Hannah (way more than a coincidence!) being barren and she poured her heart out to God. She asked God that if He give her a son, she promised to give Him back to the Lord. God opened her womb and she gave birth to a son, who she called Samuel meaning, "because I asked the Lord for Him". On that same day I also read about how Leah named one of her sons Judah, meaning "she praised the Lord". I felt a huge peace come over me when I read all of this , and I just bawled my eyes out thanking God. I know this was Gods promise to me, that I will one day have a child. The day I have a son, his name will be Judah Samuel I thank God so much for his lovingness,faithfulness,kindess,forgivingness, and so much more. He did not have to save me but he did. He didnt not have to take me back after mistakes, but he did. He did not have to give me a promise of something this big, but he did. He deserves (and always has!) the glory and praise and so much more. Im so not worthy of all of this, but his love is unconditonal with an agape love. Thank you lord for your promises. Thank you for all you do! Remember there is hope. Im standing in faith of my miracle to one day occur. Thank you so much heavenly father!
So as a human , I'm not perfect but each day I aim to be more what God wants me to be and do what God would have me to do. I often fail but he is so forgiving and he pulls me right back up unto his arms. Anyways sometimes being human, (and female lol), my emotions just get the best of me. I've been scared of the possibility not having a child because of a number of different things. My mom lost a baby to spinobefida, my grandma couldnt have a baby until after she was 30, my sister had miscarriages and lost a baby after birth (this is a complicated story), my aunt had trouble conceiving, alot of my family has endometrosis, my cycles are way out of whack all the time, and much much more (including generational curses, possibility of symptoms of different female problems and more). However I in no way claim any of these, and I speaking healing into these circumstance and I firmly believe and know that I have broke these curses and illness in the name of Jesus. Me being human, I have my flaws. Sometimes its hard for me to sit back and watch all these people get pregnant (especially people who complain about being a mother!) all the time, where I sometimes feel like it would never happen for me. I was feeling really upset back in June and having a hard time dealing with these.This all took place on June 6th, the birthday of my sisters baby who didn't make it, Hannah (keep note of this!) I was praying real hard and God spoke to me to read 1 Samuel. Now I have never been good at memorizing scripture (which I feel horrible for and continue to work on =() So, I didnt know what the story that 1 Samuel held. 1 Samuel is about Hannah (way more than a coincidence!) being barren and she poured her heart out to God. She asked God that if He give her a son, she promised to give Him back to the Lord. God opened her womb and she gave birth to a son, who she called Samuel meaning, "because I asked the Lord for Him". On that same day I also read about how Leah named one of her sons Judah, meaning "she praised the Lord". I felt a huge peace come over me when I read all of this , and I just bawled my eyes out thanking God. I know this was Gods promise to me, that I will one day have a child. The day I have a son, his name will be Judah Samuel I thank God so much for his lovingness,faithfulness,kindess,forgivingness, and so much more. He did not have to save me but he did. He didnt not have to take me back after mistakes, but he did. He did not have to give me a promise of something this big, but he did. He deserves (and always has!) the glory and praise and so much more. Im so not worthy of all of this, but his love is unconditonal with an agape love. Thank you lord for your promises. Thank you for all you do! Remember there is hope. Im standing in faith of my miracle to one day occur. Thank you so much heavenly father!
Monday, December 3, 2012
Breaking Point
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Some New Changes!!!
Changes to the blog, not me personally :o)
Fighting for Fertility officially has a twitter! You can find us by the email: f4ftweets@fighting4fertility.org.in or by the name @Fight4Fertility
Also, we each have individual emails that you can contact us by if you have questions::
Shannon - PCOS, inexpensive options, vitamins:
shannonw@fighting4fertility.org.in
Steph aka Mrs. Red - IVF success, clomid:
stephaniet@fighting4fertility.org.in
Ashley - IVF success, mom of twins:
ashleyh@fighting4fertility.org.in
Molly - PCOS:
mollyk@fighting4fertility.org.in
Sheila - vitamins, undiagnosed:
sheilah@fighting4fertility.org.in
Jessica - PCOS, vitamins:
jessicad@fighting4fertility.org.in
Leah - PCOS, fibromyalgia, fostering, adoption:
leahb@fighting4fertility.org.in
Don't forget! You can also find us on Facebook!
Fighting for Fertility officially has a twitter! You can find us by the email: f4ftweets@fighting4fertility.org.in or by the name @Fight4Fertility
Also, we each have individual emails that you can contact us by if you have questions::
Shannon - PCOS, inexpensive options, vitamins:
shannonw@fighting4fertility.org.in
Steph aka Mrs. Red - IVF success, clomid:
stephaniet@fighting4fertility.org.in
Ashley - IVF success, mom of twins:
ashleyh@fighting4fertility.org.in
Molly - PCOS:
mollyk@fighting4fertility.org.in
Sheila - vitamins, undiagnosed:
sheilah@fighting4fertility.org.in
Jessica - PCOS, vitamins:
jessicad@fighting4fertility.org.in
Leah - PCOS, fibromyalgia, fostering, adoption:
leahb@fighting4fertility.org.in
Don't forget! You can also find us on Facebook!
Friday, November 2, 2012
Shocking possibility of an opportunity?
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Holidays
So Im sure im not the only one, but is anyone else getting nervous/dreading the holidays? I sure am. I always have to go to my dh's grandmas and then my grandparents houses. Everyone has a baby either this year or last year and they are all alot younger than me (14,15,17,18,19 and 19) and all un married with the exception of one (and that situation is just a whole other story that Im not going to get into). I try so hard not to be jealous, but its so hard. Its just not fair that these children can have children and I can't. There are some things Im looking forward to (like the homemade gifts Im making for people and new recipes I want to try =D) so Im going to make the best of it. I guess I needed a mini vent about this.
One another note, I have a question about hormonal imbalances. Can hormonal imbalances cause you to not be able to eat very much? I mean Im glad Im not always hungry like I used to be, but its very weird. I will eat four or five bites of something and then feel like I ate a full course meal. I was just wondering if hormones can be causing this, because I cant think of anything else. Hope all is going well for everyone =D
One another note, I have a question about hormonal imbalances. Can hormonal imbalances cause you to not be able to eat very much? I mean Im glad Im not always hungry like I used to be, but its very weird. I will eat four or five bites of something and then feel like I ate a full course meal. I was just wondering if hormones can be causing this, because I cant think of anything else. Hope all is going well for everyone =D
Monday, October 1, 2012
BFN!
So I took an hpt this weekend...how foolish of me. Bfn! Like I didn't see that one coming. My nauesa only went away for like a day and its back again. Oh and I have to pee like every 30 minutes. I dont know what the crap is wrong with me. I wish my body would stop playing games with me. I guess maybe I just have some sort of virus along with a bladder infection or something? Idk...life just makes me mad sometimes. I keep having that little slimmer of hope in the back of my mind saying "well maybe you tested too early", I would feel foolish testing again just to make myself upset again so Im not even putting myself through that. Hope I can get over this sickness soon.
Friday, September 28, 2012
Thoughts, and a poem I wrote a while back
So earlier in the week (Monday), I was waking up super nauseous and sick to my stomach and occasionally puking. This would last until around 11am or 12 pm, however the more time goes on the less I'm dealing with this issue. The nausea is sill there somewhat, but not for long or very strong, kind of like its fading out. Now I have this stupid cold (sore throat, congested, etc). I was kind of hopeful earlier in the week that the sickness only lasting in the morning was a good sign, now that it seems to be fading away and I have a head cold that hope is pretty much not there. I have a test, but don't want the reality of that stupid negative sign staring me in the face. I'm so sick of my body playing mean nasty tricks on me =( Oh and another thing? Why do these stupid unmarried teenage girls get to have baby after baby and we cant?? I mean there babies aren't even 6 months old yet and they are pregnant again..what the heck??!!! Annndddd I'm sick of all this super healthy pregnant women or girls on my fb complaining about petty stuff. I'm really not trying to be so mean and bitter and hateful...I'm just at one of those points where I'm not very hopeful.
This is a poem I wrote earlier this year, Its been on my mind a lot this week.
This is a poem I wrote earlier this year, Its been on my mind a lot this week.
I lie in bed each night envisioning you,
I endlessly ponder when will I obtain motherhood too?
It has been nearly four years since I have been trying
, I'm so disgusted with the anger, resentment and crying.
Wherever I go a girls bestowing their news,
I quietly ask myself, why can't I be in their shoes?
I'm sickened with all the disappointment, heartache and tears
it's so difficult when you've been aspiring for years.
They go on and on about the new child on the way, I silently sit back, a tear rolls down my check, I have nothing to say.
Night after night, day after day, test after test I continue to wait,
I try my best to not accept infertility as my horrific fate.
I lie apprehensive every night without any sleep, I yearn for you so exceedingly I begin to weep.
My child, I hope you come soon I continually pray,
Oh my unborn baby how I long for that day.
So my little one you may ask I how I cope,
the explanation to that is I forever have hope.
There will be a day when I'll hold you my baby,
Hopefully that day is soon, maybe just maybe?
Some miraculous moment there will be an end to this pain,
Oh when you arrive what a treasure I'll gain.
I can't wait for that time when I rock you to sleep,
My precious little one how I long for you to keep.
Even though your not yet here I have for you an abundance of love,
Until we meet, I'll continue to wait, my darling dove.
I endlessly ponder when will I obtain motherhood too?
It has been nearly four years since I have been trying
, I'm so disgusted with the anger, resentment and crying.
Wherever I go a girls bestowing their news,
I quietly ask myself, why can't I be in their shoes?
I'm sickened with all the disappointment, heartache and tears
it's so difficult when you've been aspiring for years.
They go on and on about the new child on the way, I silently sit back, a tear rolls down my check, I have nothing to say.
Night after night, day after day, test after test I continue to wait,
I try my best to not accept infertility as my horrific fate.
I lie apprehensive every night without any sleep, I yearn for you so exceedingly I begin to weep.
My child, I hope you come soon I continually pray,
Oh my unborn baby how I long for that day.
So my little one you may ask I how I cope,
the explanation to that is I forever have hope.
There will be a day when I'll hold you my baby,
Hopefully that day is soon, maybe just maybe?
Some miraculous moment there will be an end to this pain,
Oh when you arrive what a treasure I'll gain.
I can't wait for that time when I rock you to sleep,
My precious little one how I long for you to keep.
Even though your not yet here I have for you an abundance of love,
Until we meet, I'll continue to wait, my darling dove.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
New Writers!
We have officially added three new bloggers! If you haven't checked them out yet, please do!
You can find more info in posts below or under the "Authors" tab.
At this point we aren't going to add any more bloggers.
I will make an exception for a male blogger to join though! I'm still trying to convince my husband to write a guest post... LoL!
Thanks for reading us! Spread the word!
You can find more info in posts below or under the "Authors" tab.
At this point we aren't going to add any more bloggers.
I will make an exception for a male blogger to join though! I'm still trying to convince my husband to write a guest post... LoL!
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Introducing Sheila!
We have added a new blogger to our group. Again, we are still taking more writers, just email me at sivywright@gmail.com with you email information.
Here is a little background that Sheila wrote for you guys:::
I am 23 years old (I know, still kind of young) and my husband and I have been married since August of 2008. My husband is 25. I went off birth control and have been TTC since October of 08. I technically haven't been diagnosed with infertility yet out of fear of going to the doctor (I realize now that was a very stupid mistake and I have my first appointment the 17th). I have very irregular periods and many female problems. My family history doesn't help, my mom had cancer and died when I was 15 years old. The cancer was very rare, but it is said it can be hereditary. Almost every woman on my moms side has or has had endometriosis, suffered through miscarriage and has had a hard time conceiving. Both my sister and my mother have lost full term babies (my niece due to my sister having von willibrand disease and other complications, and my moms baby (my sister) having spinobefida. My aunt (my mom's sister) tried for many years before she got pregnant with
my cousin and my grandma was said to be a twin but the twin didn't make it. My grandma on my dads side tried to get pregnant with my dad for nearly 15 years and finally had my dad when she was 34. My mother in law has thyroid complications and I carry a lot of the same symptoms. I also researched and have a lot of symptoms of PCOS. So needless to say, I will not be surprised by anything the doctors may find. Although I can't bring forth a lot of answers to people right now due to not knowing myself, I will always be there to support anybody through anything they may be struggling with. Thank you for letting me be a part of the group with open arms =)
Here is a little background that Sheila wrote for you guys:::
I am 23 years old (I know, still kind of young) and my husband and I have been married since August of 2008. My husband is 25. I went off birth control and have been TTC since October of 08. I technically haven't been diagnosed with infertility yet out of fear of going to the doctor (I realize now that was a very stupid mistake and I have my first appointment the 17th). I have very irregular periods and many female problems. My family history doesn't help, my mom had cancer and died when I was 15 years old. The cancer was very rare, but it is said it can be hereditary. Almost every woman on my moms side has or has had endometriosis, suffered through miscarriage and has had a hard time conceiving. Both my sister and my mother have lost full term babies (my niece due to my sister having von willibrand disease and other complications, and my moms baby (my sister) having spinobefida. My aunt (my mom's sister) tried for many years before she got pregnant with
my cousin and my grandma was said to be a twin but the twin didn't make it. My grandma on my dads side tried to get pregnant with my dad for nearly 15 years and finally had my dad when she was 34. My mother in law has thyroid complications and I carry a lot of the same symptoms. I also researched and have a lot of symptoms of PCOS. So needless to say, I will not be surprised by anything the doctors may find. Although I can't bring forth a lot of answers to people right now due to not knowing myself, I will always be there to support anybody through anything they may be struggling with. Thank you for letting me be a part of the group with open arms =)
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