Thoughts, and a poem I wrote a while back

So earlier in the week (Monday), I was waking up super nauseous and sick to my stomach and occasionally puking. This would last until around 11am or 12 pm, however the more time goes on the less I'm dealing with this issue. The nausea is sill there somewhat, but not for long or very strong, kind of like its fading out. Now I have this stupid cold (sore throat, congested, etc). I was kind of hopeful earlier in the week that the sickness only lasting in the morning was a good sign, now that it seems to be fading away and I have a head cold that hope is pretty much not there. I have a test, but don't want the reality of that stupid negative sign staring me in the face. I'm so sick of my body playing mean nasty tricks on me =( Oh and another thing? Why do these stupid unmarried teenage girls get to have baby after baby and we cant?? I mean there babies aren't even 6 months old yet and they are pregnant again..what the heck??!!! Annndddd I'm sick of all this super healthy pregnant women or girls on my fb complaining about petty stuff. I'm really not trying to be so mean and bitter and hateful...I'm just at one of those points where I'm not very hopeful.

This is a poem I wrote earlier this year, Its been on my mind a lot this week.

I lie in bed each night envisioning you,
I endlessly ponder when will I obtain motherhood too?
It has been nearly four years since I have been trying
, I'm so disgusted with the anger, resentment and crying.
Wherever I go a girls bestowing their news,
I quietly ask myself, why can't I be in their shoes?
I'm sickened with all the disappointment, heartache and tears
it's so difficult when you've been aspiring for years.
They go on and on about the new child on the way, I silently sit back, a tear rolls down my check, I have nothing to say.
Night after night, day after day, test after test I continue to wait,
I try my best to not accept infertility as my horrific fate.
I lie apprehensive every night without any sleep, I yearn for you so exceedingly I begin to weep.
My child, I hope you come soon I continually pray,
Oh my unborn baby how I long for that day.
So my little one you may ask I how I cope,
the explanation to that is I forever have hope.
There will be a day when I'll hold you my baby,
Hopefully that day is soon, maybe just maybe?
Some miraculous moment there will be an end to this pain,
Oh when you arrive what a treasure I'll gain.
I can't wait for that time when I rock you to sleep,
My precious little one how I long for you to keep.
Even though your not yet here I have for you an abundance of love,
Until we meet, I'll continue to wait, my darling dove.

Treating PCOS Naturally (With a bit of help)

First off, if you have PCOS it is really, really important to get your thyroid tested as that can also impact fertility as well as menstrual cycles.  For me, I function best when my TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) is between .5 and 1.5.  Currently, I'm sitting at 1.0.  When you do get your thyroid tested, be sure to have your doctor run a FULL thyroid panel, not just TSH.  I take levothyroxine to control my hypothyroidism.

I also take 2000mg of metformin daily to help with PCOS (and as an aside, many women with PCOS go on to develop diabetes.  I developed diabetes as a result of an infection caused by an HSG in 2008.  They didn't catch it until 2009 and that caused some damage to my pancreas and caused diabetes.  My A1c is now 6.1, due to diet and exercise, so they don't really consider me diabetic anymore.

For the herbal treatment, I take the following:

Maca - 1500mg per day.  I take 1000mg in the morning and 500mg at night.  This is taken from CD 5 through the start of my period.  

Maca is an adaptogenic compound, which means it adapts to what your needs are.  It works on the hypothalamus, which in turn regulates the pituitary gland, which helps control the hormone system, encouraging hormonal balance.  Maca helps control estrogen in women and men, leading to better hormone balance as well.  Maca also helps improve fertility in men.  It is safe to take 1500 to 3000mg per day.

Vitex - 1000mg per day.  I take 500mg in the morning and 500mg at night.  This is taken from CD 5 through the start of my period.  Vitex has many properties that improve fertility in women.  This great site highlights most of them.

Rhodiola Rosea - 500mg per day.  250mg in the morning and 250 mg at night.   This is taken from CD 5 through CD 14.  Rhodiola, like Vitex and Maca, is an adoptogen and has been shown to be useful in treating infertility and menstrual irregularities.  Here is more information on Rhodiola.


Tribulus - 1000 mg per day.  I take 1000mg in the morning.  This is taken from CD 5 through CD 14.  
You want to find tribulus with at least 40% furostanol saponins.  Tribulus also shows benefits in treating infertitliy, especially in women with PCOS.  It also is shown to help with male fertility and libido as well.  You can find more information on tribulus here.


Female Balance - 1 capsule per day.  Here is the information on this supplement.

With this, I have ovulated regularly.  I also have increased my luteal phase from 9-10 days up to 12 days.  I also ovulate closer to the beginning of my cycle, than before (CD 20 versus CD 30).

I also, on the advice of my former OB/GYN, take a daily baby aspirin (81mg).

I take a vitamin D supplement, evening primrose oil to ovulation, fish oil after ovulation, and a prenatal.  I also take calcium and magnesium in the evening.

This too shall pass......

That quote about sums it up for me.  As does this:  Pain nourishes courage.  You can't be brave if only wonderful things have happened to you - Mary Tyler Moore.

So what causes me to use these quotes?

Well, where to start....

First off, hubby has bipolar disorder, type II.  He is usually well controlled but as he has gotten older, he has had more issues with agoraphobia.  Because of this, he lost his job last year.  He spiraled into a depression and became suicidal.  As a result, I had to hospitalize him recently and that is when I found out he had been abusing alcohol and drugs.  He is now 4 weeks into recovery and 4 weeks sober (and he is home, but attending an intensive outpatient hospitalization program that focuses on recovery).  This has been really rough but we are both coming to terms with it.  I'm in therapy for myself to learn how to create and stick to healthy boundaries and we attend a family session at his program on Saturdays.  

I've also been dealing with some health issues.  I mentioned before that I had fibromyalgia.  Fibromyalgia is an evil disease, but I am fighting that b*tch with all I have.  I recently got put on gabapentin (brand name: Neurontin) to help.  Gabapentin and pregabalin were originally approved to treat certain types of epilepsy and nerve pain. Both drugs work by limiting the release of pain-communicating chemicals by nerve cells in the brain and spinal cord.  Fibromyalgia is now considered a disorder of the central nervous system and it can be rough.  The gabapentin is really helping, though.  I also managed to come down with West Nile Fever, the not so serious cousin of West Nile Virus.  It basically means that I had 2 weeks of the worst flu I've ever had without the congestion/respiratory issues.  And the fever that I ran from that caused me to get dehydrated and I managed to get a bi-lateral kidney infection.  I'm on the mend right now, though I tire very easily, but I'm hopeful.

As for the cycling and what not, well, the actual trying is on hold.  I am still using my herbs to regulate my cycle (so far it is working....I'm down to a 32 day cycle with regular ovulation every month) but we discussed waiting to really try until hubby has been sober for 1 year....so 48 more weeks.  

I've also decided to do the 3 Day Walk for the Cure in Seattle next September.  I am going to be walking with one of my best friends and I will be doing it in memory of my mom (who died from metastasized breast cancer) and in honor of the Figueroa women (my dad's side, where breast cancer runs in the family).  I am also doing it to prove to myself that I can, to prove that though I may have fibromyalgia, it doesn't have me, and to do something extraordinary.

Shannon Gets a Surprise and Plans Her Next Step

Yesterday was CD64.

Before I continue, did I tell you I did the parsley tea?? No? Ok... So I tried the tea. Got down one glass (with some sugar while holding my nose). Then didn't drink anymore. That was 2 weeks ago..

For the past week I had been complaining to Steph about my boobs being sore. Annoyingly sore. Since I don't get period warnings I was HOPING it would be a sign of pregnancy, regardless of the bloodwork results from CD 26. She insisted that maybe my period was about to start.

Who won??

Well... yesterday AF arrived.

As disappointed as I was, I was wanting it to come so I could move on.

Because my doctor hasn't called me back and I'm too busy/offended to call HER, I decided that this cycle I am going to try the GNC Fertility Blend for Women. I thought about buying the men's too, even though his numbers are AWESOME, but that is yet ANOTHER $40 for something I can't guarantee he would even take.

So, $40 for 1 month (90 pills = 3 pills per day) I will take these pills and plan on adding my vitamins back into my diet too... I've been so discouraged lately (for the past month) that I haven't even bothered with taking them either.

If I'm not pregnant with this cycle, I will call the doctor again and up my dosage of Clomid.

I also plan on tackling DH so we can sit down and discuss or fertility plan. This road looks like it is just getting harder and I want to have a plan set.

Tears and Smiles

This post on another blog makes me smile and cry at the same time:


http://texashealthmoms.blogspot.com/2012/09/bringing-up-daddy.html

And I will update about me hopefully later today :)

DH

2 things,
1)sorry its so long but I had a lot to say, and
2)also warning this story does contain how we found out we are expecting.

The last 10 months or so I have learned a lot about my DH and how he feels about our quest for baby. Now lemme tell you, my hubby is NOT the emotional conversation participant. When someone starts talking about feelings, forget it, watch how fast the subject changes! LoL He's been pretty good talking to me about things but we've never really talked about his feelings on our journey. Don't get me wrong, I've asked PLENTY of times but I usually get a short "it'll happen in God's time" response and then I drop it.

Well at the beginning of 2012 we were talking about goals and we were about 2 months of our juicing changes. (We watched a documentary about healing your body from the inside out with fruits and veggies.) We were talking one day in January because my boss was hinting at a promotion and Hubby said his 3 goals for the year were "pay down debt, lower stress, and get me pregnant." I bout broke my neck to turn to him and said what? And he was saying that this year he wanted to focus on having a baby, whether that meant going an all natural route or doing treatments. I didn't bother asking why the sudden change because I know how much he wants kids and it already kills me. I didn't need to actually hear it.

So then we continue on with our life and then a few days later he starts talking about PCOS and things that cause it and how some people are insulin resistant and I was all "mmhmmmm, yep we tried that already" because it was stuff my GYN brought up before and tried testing. I was happy he was finally showing 'interest' but at the same time I was semi annoyed that all these years I've been trying to tell him and he wasn't listening. I think now he was in denial, was listening, just wasn't ready to talk about it and I'm ok with that. Guys aren't emotional talkers. Notice I didn't say they weren't emotional people! Because they are, they just show it differently.

Anywhosers so that was interesting and nice to see a spark. So then another week or so later he starts saying how he wanted us to try taking Maca, an herbal supplement, along with our juicing. And again this was something I tried years ago so I had like 3 bottles of the stuff laying around lol. So we talk about it and decide to try it together. The amount of stuff he researches is amazing! I can't read about stuff for that long! Well, some stuff lol.

Then my birthday started coming up and the year before when we stopped fertility treatments we had said we would revisit the idea after my birthday. So I asked him about it. He said that he was cool with whatever I wanted to do and would support me either way. So I prayed about it and then called the RE to find out what we needed to do and how long the time frame was. We continued our natural quest all the way up until we did IVF and we had all kinds of discussions about everything going on. He was much more inquisitive this time around from wanting to know what he was looking at on my sonos when they were checking my ovaries, to wanting to know what medicines I was taking and why and how. He was a good nurse :-)

When we did finally get the news we were pregnant, the way we found out was WAY out of the norm. That day I went for my blood tests I also had to have an ultrasound to check my OHSS, on the ultrasound they past by my uterus and it looked like nothing was there. When we walked out of the clinic, the moment the door shut I started bawling my eyes out saying how it didn't work, blah blah blah. I was so heart broken. No one really understands how hard this journey is an no amount of reading prepares you for the emotional an physical stress of IVF! I'm just gonna say that. So I cried the whole way to the elevator, down the elevator and to the car and in the car. The whole way he was just holding me tight saying how much he loved me, it would be ok, and how we could try again. He told me to call into work because he didn't want me to have to work being all emotional. So we stayed home and watched tv. He asked if I wanted him to take the call from the doctor and I said yes. I gave him the questions to ask about what my levels were because I wanted to know if anything was working right.

Around 12, the phone starts ringing. It was on the bed between us and I just pointed at it and he said you want me to answer an I said yeah. He answered as he was walking out to the hallway. I muted the tv and just prayed. That had to of been the longest prayer of my life that far! So then the door opens and he comes in, gives me a big smile and thumbs up and says "we're pregnant". All I could do was say "WHAT?!" And then it was like the wind was knocked out of me and I started sobbing. (Shoot I'm crying now too!) and all I would say over and over was what? *Cry* What? What? *cry*. He was just rocking me and telling me how God answered our prayers and we'd need to take care of it as long as God wanted us to have it. Then a few mins in I said "are you joking?" And he was like why would I make a joke like this? I just needed to be sure he was for real.

Since that day I have seen how nervous he is and seen how protective he is. He really is my knight. When I had spotting at 5 weeks he calmed me and called the doctor. When I fell down the stairs at 9 weeks, he literally ran to me from his desk, didn't even tell anyone where he was going or anything. When I am having bad ligament pain and make little "ssssst aaaah" noises he shoots up "what's wrong", when I step on something or stub my toe or run into something or do anything that makes me go "ow" he says what's wrong. And when I have Charlie horses that wake me up from a deep sleep he wakes up or runs out of the shower dripping wet with soapy water to massage and stretch my leg (don't underestimate the pain of a Charlie horse, they are intense!) He really is on pins and needles!

I've also learned he's become a lot more sensitive to other people. We finally went Facebook official and he tells me (things I already knew again) to not brag about it and not talk about it too much. He knows I have friends that are going through the same things. And he's seen my reaction at every single pregnancy announcement in the last 6 years and knows how hard it is. I never had/have any intention of bragging nor really talking about it unless brought up. It's just after trying so long and then keeping it secret for so long makes it something I'm ok with not talking about all the time. I'm enjoying it and thinking about it all the time but I don't want to forget where I came from.

What I've also noticed from him is that he's more aware of people he works with and recognizing those people who are privately struggling. He's noticing the signs and faces that people have and more in tune with their emotions because he says they are the faces he's seen on me and he can only imagine how I have felt all these years. I'm truly amazed at how he's, I guess, grown in the last 6 years. I love him so much and I am so happy that God put him in my life. He is such an amazing man and I cannot wait to see how we grow together.

-Mrs Red

Hospital bed rest

Well, Thursday, Sept. 13 (27weeks 1day) I went in to have my bi weekly ultrasound to check my cervix and to see how much the boys have grown.  My cervix shortened to 0.76cm (which is very short) and I was admitted to the hospital on bed rest.  They gave me steroid shots (one on Thursday night and one on Friday night) for the boys to help their lungs mature quicker.  I was also put on Magnesium Sulfate to stop my contractions.  The first 4 days were rough, the magnesium sulfate (M.S.) makes you sleepy, messes with your vision and gives you headaches...there are other symptoms but these are the ones I had and they were mild luckily. 

So early Monday morning, my contractions were pretty intense and getting stronger and stronger about 3 minutes apart, they bumped my M.S. dosage up to 3.5grams (usually the highest they go is 3 grams) and put a foley catheter in.  I contracted at that rate for about 4 hours.  I was scared I thought- Why isn't the M.S. working? I don't want them to come yet they are so little. This is it we are having them!  THANK GOD they contractions started to space out around 4:00 am by 8:00am they spaced out to every 8-10 minutes and were less intense.  After that they put the M.S. down to 3 grams and watched me for the rest of the day. Tuesday my OB tried to go to 2.5 grams of M.S. but by the end of the day I was contracting about every 5 minutes so he put it back to 3 grams and I've been there since.  Monday my head/vision was more with it and Tuesday even better  and Wednesday was my best day as far as my vision and head go.  Thursday and Friday I felt more sluggish but my contractions were much quieter, the same with today.  I still have a hard time focusing my eyes most of the time but the contractions are less frequent and less intense.  We still aren't sure which contractions are changing my cervix.  They don't want to check me unless there is reason to, and my next ultrasound is on Thursday so we'll see where things are at then.

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.  But I am willing to do whatever it takes to keep these boys safe.  We've worked too hard, and have come too far to give up now!  Our OB reassured us if the boys' come now we will be walking out of here with normal healthy children (unless something crazy happened) so that was nice to hear, however we want them to stay in as long as possible, getting to 29, 30 and 32 weeks would be the best (if not longer). 

I will probably be in the hospital until delivery.  The earliest my OB said he'd let me go home would be 30 weeks or more like 32 weeks, and he said he gave me a 5% chance of leaving here pregnant at 32 weeks to go home.  So most likely I can count on this being my home for quite a while.  I'd rather have me laying here for more weeks with them in me than them laying in isolets for weeks on end.

We are staying strong and know its worth all of our energy and strength, because we have so much love for them.  They are so wanted and so loved.

Painful words

How is the baby thing going? – If you have been trying for a while and your friends and family know, you will eventually hear these words. I dread these words, even though most of the time they are well meaning. I hear them quite often from old coworkers, friends from High School, people from Daniel’s first duty station. These people aren’t trying to hurt me, or make me sad or angry. Those 6 little words- they can break your heart over and over again. In just those 6 little words I am reminded that 3 years ago we decided to turn our family into one of 3. That after all the arguments from Clomid mood swings, the shots, the money and time spent, everything we are still a family of two. What most drunken teenagers do on accident, my body has refused to do even with medical coercion.  So most of the time I just smile and say it’s going ok, when I want to cry, scream and run away all at the same time. How do you explain to someone that it breaks your heart to hear those words? That every time I’m asked all the emotions of the past three years seems to come rushing back? It’s the pain that I felt every month when I saw everybody around me announcing they were pregnant, or the frustration of not getting a Dr. to listen to me- even when I knew something wasn’t right. It’s the fear every month when I had to go get the trigger shot, and the overwhelming sadness two weeks later when the BFN was staring me in the face.  I know that I can get a little over sensitive according to members of my family. But you can’t control an emotional reaction. For me, I would rather have somebody walk up and slap my face, because it would be less painful.

Disappointing Month

August was not as good as I expected it to be.

I had really high hopes when I shouldn't have.

My OPKs were coming back super close to the control that I was sure I ovulated.

My ovulation bloodwork was the Friday before my birthday and the pregnancy bloodwork was the Friday after.

I hoped that would bring me luck.

Everything seemed to be pointing out that August would be great and the Clomid 100mg would work and I'd have a great birthday month!

But alas, nothing turned out how I hoped.

Ovulation bloodwork: Negative.
Pregnancy bloodwork: Negative.

And I am at the same spot I was in spring of 2009 when we stopped the clomid after 100mg. Just the feeling that it isn't going to happen. Disappointed failure and that treatments worth pointless.

I have to remind myself that it isn't going to be easy and that I have to keep going. That isn't as easy as some might think. I wish I could get pregnant like most normal people and not worry about if I will even get AF to get pregnant (I am currently on CD52... further proof I didn't ovulate).

I'm now 26. I know that most of my friends aren't married or they don't have kids and may not for years. But I also know that most of them don't have these complications.

I don't know what to do anymore.

You can pray for me but please don't tell me to pray. I know that most of our readers and writer's are very Christian but I am struggling with what I believe and have been for a while now.

"I'm still not sure what I stand for, oh
What do I stand for? What do I stand for?
Most nights, I don't know...
Well, that is it guys, that is all - five minutes in and I'm bored again
Ten years of this, I'm not sure if anybody understands"
Some Nights - FUN

Shannon is on Cycle Day what?

So, I don't even know what CD I'm on.

Thank goodness I have an app on my phone for that... I am on CD52. I called my DR on CD 8/23 to inquire on if I need to come in to get Clomid 150mg or if she could just send it to the pharmacy... Nurse said she would call back and... Still no call :/

So I looked up natural remedies to induce AF (gross, I know). And the biggest one is Parsley tea. Now, I haven't gotten up the nerve to try it and then we are going on vacation to a lake this weekend and I didn't want to mess that up. But since we might not be swimming figured I better try it so I will after I finish this post. Supposed to drink 3-4 cups!

Now, I'm not using the tea bags... didn't even know they made them! But I have fresh parsley and parsley flakes from the spice section at the store. 

I will have to let you know how that goes!!

Keep on keepin' on!

Well AF has rolled into town today almost a week late! On to the next cycle! Sorry this is short and sweet! Enjoy your Wednesday tomorrow everyone!

Is it weird?

I am 20 weeks and 4 days today... I'm more excited than I can put into words, yet, I have not gone fb public with my announcement yet. I'm sure my family is getting irritated that we haven't shouted it from the rooftops, but, I mean when is it "safe" to tell people? NEVER!

I know I gave up my worry to God weeeeeeks ago but I don't know if I'm quite ready to tell everyone I know yet. I can't hide it at work anymore, but I can hide it online... We said we would announce when we found out the gender at my anatomy scan at 20 weeks but... Baby had other plans, the legs were crossed so we don't know what we are having... soooo.... That idea is half shot, so should I wait til I know? I mean it's probably only a few more weeks away... We took some pictures Sunday with the sono picture with the plans of going fb public with them but then today I edited them and I love how they came out, but I can't post them. Maybe it's because tomorrow is 9/11 and it just doesn't seem appropriate? Idk... I'm just rambling...

Is it weird I haven't shared my joy with people? or does it seem like IF has left me jaded? Is it normal to want to be cautious in who I share my news with??? And then on top of all that, I feel like I shouldn't be posting anymore on a fertility blog, I feel lost right now, I don't fit in with the fertiles and I don't feel like I have any right to be saying anything here either... It's a very strange limbo I never thought I would be in, and as thankful as I am for the opportunity, I just feel lost in the world. IF has been such a big part of my past, and the future is so uncertain...

Maybe I'm just weird

-Mrs Red

The Odd Life of Timothy Greene

So my husband and I went to see it and needless to say we both balled hysterically the whole time. BUT it was such a wonderful movie! We were just talking about how we feel like we went to therapy haha! Has anyone else seen it?

Jessica's diagnosis

In August 2007 I met my husband. He was an active duty soldier stationed at the base near my home town.  We were married that December. I was ready to start TTC right away. Daniel wanted to wait and enjoy being by ourselves for a while.

Two months before our 1st anniversary Daniel got orders to Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. He would leave 20 days before our anniversary and be gone for a year. During the year that he was gone Daniel decided that he was ready for us to start our family when he got home. I stopped taking my pills right away and started researching “how to get pregnant”.  He also found out that when he got back he would report to Ft. Sill, OK. I moved ahead of him to get everything settled before he got back. During that time I noticed that my periods weren’t regular.  I told Daniel that I was worried that we would have problems conceiving. He tried to tell me that everything would be ok and I was probably being a worry wart.

8 months later I made an appointment with my PCM (general Dr.) for some other issues (I suffer from migraines and a torn rotator cuff) and mentioned that my periods still weren’t regular. She put a referral in to see the OB on post. When I saw the OB on post he told me that I was too young (21) to have fertility issues and that it was probably all in my head. But that he would put an order for an ultrasound and blood work to “clear my mind” That week I did my blood work and ultrasound. That following week the nurse called to tell me that everything had come back normal. If I felt that I needed anything else to make a follow up appointment. Several months later I went back to see my PCM and asked for a referral to on off post fertility specialist.

My new RE wanted me to get copies of my ultrasound and blood work that I had done on post. When I went to get my records I got nosey. I looked at the ultrasound report. In the report it said I had polycystic ovaries. I was furious! I had been lied to! When I went to my first appointment it took my new Dr. fifteen minutes to say that I had PCOS.  I had my answer. I was upset and relieved at the same time.

When it rains, it pours.

Well today is CD 33 and I'm still getting BFNs. I called my doctor today to discuss doing an HSG dye test within the next couple cycles. Of course it's waaay expensive and had to be paid up front. And of course our insurance won't cover it. So I spent a good chunk of the morning choking back tears at work. We also found out the other day that my husbands grandfather has a large brain aneurism that looks like it might burst (which would be fatal) and THEN my husband got a phone call this evening about his dads recent test results...the Dr. is pretty sure he has pancreatic cancer. I know everything happens for a reason, but why God, why?

So sorry for such a whiny, negative post. I'm sure I'll be in better spirits tomorrow. Just send up all your prayers tonight. Xoxo

Ashley's 26 Week Update

Well, on August 30, I had a scheduled doctor's appointment to check my cervix and to check the boys' growth with my perinatologist (Dr. Jaz), however the day didn't start out as we planned, I was having a bunch of contractions that morning and when I called the on-call nurse she said we needed to come in right away. We checked into labor and delivery and they put me in a triage room to monitor my contractions and the boys' heartbeats. The contractions I felt had slowed down from when I initially called and talked to the nurse. My doctor came in and got the scoop, they started a saline IV and he checked my cervix to see if I was dilating at all. He said my cervix was still closed - YAY good news. He said he wanted to monitor me for a few hours to make sure the contractions were getting less frequent otherwise they'd have to give me magnesium sulfate to stop the contractions. He said he was happy because if this was going to turn into active labor its in the very early stage and easier to stop. He said if things keep improving then I could go by Dr. Jaz for the ultrasound that was scheduled. So 11:00am rolled around and the RN came in she said things were looking better and I told her I felt like the contractions were getting less frequent. She said she was waiting for my urine lab to come back yet, but she was going to send me to Dr. Jaz. We got into Dr. Jaz's exam room and told him what was going on. He measured my cervix by ultrasound it was just slightly less than two weeks ago measuring 1.5-1.6cm today -last time it was 1.65cm) - YAY more good news. He said he also wanted to check my cervix on a physical examination, he agreed with Dr. Kerns that I was not dilated. Then we went on to look at how the boys are growing- they are doing well. Baby A weighs 1 lb 8oz and Baby B weighs 1 lb 11oz. They are both doing very well and Baby A is not engaged in my pelvis. -MORE GOOD NEWS! So we got back to the triage room and the RN said she called Dr. Kerns and he's letting me go home to continue bed rest as I have been.  She told me to keep doing what I have been doing. She said they were going to culture my urine because there was a few epithelial cells in it, which can be normal but Dr. Kerns wanted to treat me for a UTI just to be proactive. UTI's can cause contractions in pregnancy too so he just wants to be extra safe. She also said we could expect to come in to be monitored a few more times before the babies arrive, due to contractions like this, especially with my cervical history. So please keeps us in your prayers! DH and I both felt much better than we had earlier that morning, knowing I am not dilated, my cervical length is stable. We can do this! They will stay in there or so I have to trust in God that they will!   I was happy to make it to another week.  Yesterday I had another appointment to  see how things are going.  My OB answered some questions that I had, checked the heart beats and then we were on our way.   I did have quite a few contractions right before my appointment, he said he wasn't real concerned unless they became more intense and increased with frequency.  Last night I didn't sleep well and didn't feel the best either,  but this morning I'm doing a little better, still contracting but not quite as frequent as yesterday.  So hoping they are just braxton hicks and nothing more.

New Writers!

We have officially added three new bloggers! If you haven't checked them out yet, please do!

You can find more info in posts below or under the "Authors" tab.

At this point we aren't going to add any more bloggers.

I will make an exception for a male blogger to join though! I'm still trying to convince my husband to write a guest post... LoL!

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Introducing Jessica!

Hi all! I’m Jessica I live in NE Kansas with my husband of almost 5 years! I'm a farm girl and love to go outside and play with my fur babies!  I am 24 years old, my husband is 25. Daniel was an MP in the Army for 7 years and just recently got out. I went to KU (rock chalk Jayhawk) to be a firefighter! I still volunteer at the local station.  Daniel and I have been TTC since 2009. In 2010 I was diagnosed with PCOS. We have went through several unsuccessful rounds with Clomid with metformin, estrogen and the dreaded trigger shot. I kinda expected to have issues. It took my mom 5 years to have me! Right now I am trying to go the natural route with vitamins. I hope that our long awaited miracle will happen soon! I look forward to getting to know all of you! feel free to ask questions, I'm pretty open!

Addicted

Af is due in 2 days and I've been a test-a-holic the past few days but getting BFN's. I keep telling myself that there's still hope but I know I'm kidding myself. We didn't take Clomid this month because we didn't plan on trying but around the time of ovulation I had a HORRIBLE cyst rupture on my right ovary and so my wonderful husband took the day off of work and drove me to the dr. They did a vaginal ultrasound and the dr told me that it appeared as though I was ovulating so we should get busy. Well we did and my hopes have been up ever since! We might have to take a break from Clomid next cycle too because of a possible job opportunity for dh. We don't want to mess up anything with insurance! We haven't decided for sure so I'll keep everyone updated! Xoxo

Introducing Molly!!!

Hey there! Well I'm a young one too, I'll be 23 in November. My husband is almost 25 and we have been married since May 2011 and trying since June 2011 so going on a year and a few months. We were one of the couples that decided to wait to have sex until marriage. He wasn't a virgin but I was and I don't regret it at all. I was a little naive thinking that we did everything right and that everything would fall into place the way that I had always dreamed. Boy was I wrong! Ha. I've always wanted to be a mother. I wasn't concerned about a career or partying or anything. I was born to be a mother, I just know it! :) I do have a college degree in Photography, because it's my second passion in life. That keeps me super busy on the weekends and I work with elderly in their homes during the weekdays. My husband and I are so in love and want nothing more than to have a child. I was diagnosed with PCOS in January this year. I'm currently on 1000 mg of metformin and had my first unsuccessful month of Clomid last month. My mom was on Clomid twice when she was younger and as a result, I have a twin sister and I also have an older brother and sister that are twins too. Yep, two sets of twins. My mother is an amazing woman and a huge part of why I want to be a mother so bad. I'm so excited to have somewhere to go where I can talk to people who understand me and where I can offer any help and support that may be needed. Such a tough road to have to follow, but I know it will all pay off for us in the end. Thanks for letting me be a part of such an inspirational team and I look forward to getting to know all of you! xoxo

Introducing Sheila!

We have added a new blogger to our group. Again, we are still taking more writers, just email me at sivywright@gmail.com with you email information.

Here is a little background that Sheila wrote for you guys:::

I am 23 years old (I know, still kind of young) and my husband and I have been married since August of 2008. My husband is 25. I went off birth control and have been TTC since October of 08. I technically haven't been diagnosed with infertility yet out of fear of going to the doctor (I realize now that was a very stupid mistake and I have my first appointment the 17th). I have very irregular periods and many female problems. My family history doesn't help, my mom had cancer and died when I was 15 years old. The cancer was very rare, but it is said it can be hereditary. Almost every woman on my moms side has or has had endometriosis,  suffered through miscarriage and has had a hard time conceiving. Both my sister and my mother have lost full term babies (my niece due to my sister having von willibrand disease and other complications, and my moms baby (my sister) having spinobefida. My aunt (my mom's sister) tried for many years before she got pregnant with
 my cousin and my grandma was said to be a twin but the twin didn't make it. My grandma on my dads side tried to get pregnant with my dad for nearly 15 years and finally had my dad when she was 34. My mother in law has thyroid complications and I carry a lot of the same symptoms. I also researched and have a lot of symptoms of PCOS. So needless to say, I will not be surprised by anything the doctors may find. Although I can't bring forth a lot of answers to people right now due to not knowing myself, I will always be there to support anybody through anything they may be struggling with. Thank you for letting me be a part of the group with open arms =)