Mothers day for Non-Mothers

Lets face it. Mothers day for the infertile world will always be a reminder. Either a reminder of what we are currently going through or what we went through to get to a happy mothers day. 

I always wonder what we look like for the outsiders (the fertile's of the world). I wonder if we look silly to them? Do they pitty us? Do you look at your neighbor crying in church when they ask all the mothers to stand and wonder why the tear are running down her face. Honestly I don't make to church as much as I would like to admit. However, even if I was a regular church goer, I would most likely skip mothers day. I see it as a very public reminder that I am not a mother; I do not have a child; I may never have a child. In that moment, when someone wishes you a happy mothers day, as innocent as it seems, Its can literally feel like someone punched you in the stomach.  Its a pain that only a few will understand. How a simple phrase can bring you to your knees. 

Think about your infertile friends tomorrow. For most this is a hard day for them. Its had to explain, The pain that comes around this time of year for our group. I know I'll be checking in on my infertile friends tomorrow. :) 

Silent Blogger

When starting this blog with a few friends, I had initially intended to be an informer of PCOS and infertility but didn't know when I would be doing fertility treatments myself. DH and I had decided we would wait til Aug 2012 and go from there on what we wanted to do. Either wait 2 more years until nursing school was over or just steam ahead.

Sometimes other people's decisions affect our own.

As we all know, Mother's Day was last weekend (sorry for the reminder!). Saturday evening the night before, I FINALLY heard back from the nursing school I applied to. I was rejected for the Fall 2012 semester start. Just what I wanted to hear on that weekend, as though it wasn't bad enough.

I didn't know how to react to that. I had expected it, deep down, but still hopeful. Kinda like how I feel whenever I do fertility treatments. Didn't expect it to work but hoped it would.

DH reassured me that everything was ok and this and that. They next morning he picked his words carefully and explained that he viewed it as a sign. Postponing school with no choice, his mom moving out (which isn't happening now...), and summer coming so his second job wouldn't be as stressful was like the pieces coming together. We need to focus on building our family.

So, Monday morning I called my previous OB doctor that also does minor infertility treatments and set an appointment. I expected the standard 2-3 month wait like the first time I went. Imagine my surprise when they said I could be in on THURSDAY!

The days passed and I got giddy and nervous and finally I was at her office.

She is a nice doctor. The only way I can describe her is that she is very professional and sometimes that makes me feel awkward because she doesn't tend to small talk or converse unless promoted, especially if she is entering notes on the laptop (they have a computer file system there). Me, being the socially awkward person in an awkward 1-on-1 situation provided plenty of small talk hoping to make both of us relax and she talked a little more... Anywho...

We discussed my options and she agreed that we would start clomid 50 mg once this cycle of BC was done. Luckily I had decided to start taking it back in January so that ended up cutting off three months of wait time. She also sent a prescription for metformin since it tends to help the clomid out.

I'm excited. AF should start in a week and we will go from there.

How do I feel about all this? Excited. BUT I don't think it will work. I'm hopeful that it will but don't  think it is probable. I guess I'd rather expect the worse so the letdown isn't as hard. We shall see :)

OH! And my insurance doesn't cover ANY infertility, not even clomid so the breakdown:
CVS Pharmacy
Clomid $19.09 for 5 pills (50 mg each) which breaks down to $3.818 per pill
Metformin $1.30 for 1 month (covered by insurance)

Last time we went through this (Spring 2009) Clomid was $18 a pill and generic was $1.80 (Walmart). We decided to just go ahead and splurge on brand name this time :)

It's that day again...

Totally should have bought this tshirt for today.... Jus sayin

We gotta hang in there gals, our day will come....