Ashley's IVF

Well, I just like to give a quick update about our IVF journey. We started stimulation drugs two weeks ago and on Wednesday 3/21 we had our retrieval! On Monday they knew I was a little over stimulated (OHSS) so they gave me some medicine to help with that because usually the symptoms get worse after the retrieval. The retrieval went well. Hubby was in the operating room, I was under anethisea, we got 13 eggs!! Since the retrieval I've been very bloated (which is very normal I'm told) but other than that I've felt good so far. On Friday we found out we will be doing a Day 5 transfer (on Monday, March 26) and that is when we will find out how many embyros made it and if we'll have some to freeze too. For now I'm just focused on preventing and reducing the OHSS symptoms (they can get worse or onset if I become pregnant too) by staying hydrated and not being on my feet for too long. I've been doing stuff around the house but then resting when I feel like I've had enough. We are praying every moment and stay positive! I'll update you when I know more.

Well, yesterday our transfer went very well. We got to the clinic and they did a
quick OHSS check on me. Things look good with that they just want to monitor me
again tomorrow to make sure things stay that way. After the OHSS check they
went over our post-transfer instructions. I was on bed rest with bathroom privileges
starting right after the transfer until Wednesday. They require this to give
the best chance possible for the embryo(s) to implant. They also don't want you
showering or bathing until 2 days after the transfer. I can go back to work
Wednesday but cannot do any strenuous activities or lift more than 10 lbs until
my pregnancy test, which will be on 4/4/12 & 4/6/12. They will not give me
results until 4/6/12. If I do get pregnant we won't know how many implanted
until a couple weeks later when we can see by ultrasound.
After we went over the post-transfer instructions they took us into the procedure
room. I took my valium (they have you take this so you are relaxed and able to
sleep/rest after the transfer) than the Embryologist came in to tell us what
has happened since our retrieval. Out of our 13 eggs retrieved, 10 were mature
and that they could ICSI. Out of those 10, 8 fertilized normally. We had 3
grade 1 embryos on Monday (3/26/12) they chose the best two to transfer and the
third was frozen. The will continue to watch the other 5 and will freeze up to
5 more but the Embryologist said she's hoping for at least a few more. She said
they are all doing well, but they will only freeze the ones that are good
quality. We will know how many are frozen sometime next week. Of the two great
quality ones that were transferred one was already starting to hatch (ready to
implant) and the other wasn't far behind! We are so happy and so excited!!! We
are also so lucky to such great and supportive friends and family. My parents
brought dinner last night which was so nice.

P.S. Of course there is nothing good on tv ;)

Your Path is Not Mine

As a woman with PCOS that struggles with infertility and *most* of the symptoms of PCOS, it is hard to remember that my life is special and unique than those around me.

Yes, there are things I want in life, a lot of which I want RIGHT NOW. But I have to constantly remind myself that this is my journey. I can't compare it to others' because their journeys are different. Would I have preferred to be fortunate and get pregnant when we first started? Yes and no. I want a baby but if we had gotten pregnant when we first started almost 4 years ago, we wouldn't have accomplished or acquired what we have. Or we would've had to work even harder for it.

Do I like my path? Not always. Sometimes I wish certain mile-markers would just hurry up and get here. Perhaps I have certain achievements that I am not aware of that need to be finished first. Who knows.

I can tell you that the Hubs & I just shared our 6 year anniversary (not bad for getting married at 19 & 20!), we have a great house, I went back to college and am hoping to be accepted to the Fall nursing program, we have two working vehicles, a family that loves us and supports us, and are generally pretty happy.

I am thankful for that. I know that one day I will have my bundle of joy. Will it be when you do? No. Our paths will be different. You will have your own struggles and achievements. But I wish the best for you and hope that you know what you want out of life other than a baby. Maybe you have certain goals to reach first.

Best of luck!

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God is funny

I was talking to my mom and she inadvertently made me feel like a disappointment of a daughter again because we still don't have a baby. I know she didn't mean it, she was just talking, but as more time passes the less she knows how to say things to me... Anyway i was on the way to pick the hubby up from work and feeling like crying my eyes out. I want a baby yesterday, I feel like I'm letting everyone down. Then a song from Third Day came on called Tunnel, and the lyrics at the end of the song hit me, my tears sucked themselves back in and I'm still kind of sad but I'm ok... Because I believe it

Third Day -Tunnel

I won't pretend to know what you're thinking
I can't begin to know what you're going through
I won't deny the pain that you're feeling
But I'm gonna try and give a little hope to you

Just remember what I've told you
There's so much you're living for

[Chorus]
There's a light at the end of this tunnel
There's a light at the end of this tunnel
For you, for you
There's a light at the end of this tunnel
Shinin' bright at the end of this tunnel
For you, for you

So keep holdin' on

You've got your disappointments and sorrows
You ought to share the weight of that load with me
Then you will find that the light of tomorrow
It brings a new life for your eyes to see

So remember what I've told you
There's so much you're living for
[Chorus]
So keep holdin' on
Keep holding on

[Musical Break]

So remember what I've told you
There's so much you're living for
[Chorus] x2
There's a light at the end of this tunnel
For you, for you
Shinin' bright at the end of this tunnel
For you, for you
So keep holdin' on
Keep holding on
Keep holding on, now.

You've got your disappointments and sorrows
But I'm gonna try and give a little hope to you


-mrs red

Stating the obvious

I want a baby. I like reeeeeally want a baby, I want to will my uterus to be pregnant now... I'm having one of those bad days and it sucks... I feel like my husband would love me more if we had a baby, I feel like he would think more of us as a family if I was at least pregnant. He's wonderful, he really is... I'm just feeling so guilty right now.... Im so exhausted...

I want a baby

-mrs red

Timing Timing Timing

For the last several months I have been thinking about when we will try again for a baby.

Originally we decided to wait until I started nursing school, based on the hope that it would be the Spring or Fall 2012 semester.

We made that decision a while ago, when I had initially planned on applying in Aug/Sept 2011 for the Spring 2012 start. I ended up not being able to apply because I couldn't take the entry test due to all the dates being full.

In the meantime I took additional classes like medical terminology and a certified nursing assistant course. I just finished the CNA course on March 1st (as valedictorian!) and submitted my nursing application for the Fall 2012 start on February 27th.

I was annoyed at that additional delay. Then I started thinking... Always a bad thing.

Nursing school is 2 years long. I have a feeling, deep in my gut, that if I am accepted for the Fall 2012 start, we actually won't start trying until the 2nd year of school, that way I'm done when we start trying.

I know it's smart, but it tears at my heart. I know we have to see how it goes... but still...

~Shannon