Awesome People

I have a really negative post that I have been wanting to post for the last couple days and just haven't gotten around to it.

But now I can't do that because I read the most AMAZING thing on Facebook today. Yes, Facebook.

At first I was upset because I saw that another friend and his girlfriend were at the hospital and she was in labor. They have only been together since November. (insert sad face here)

But as I read the comments following the hospital announcement, my friend stated that they weren't his twins, but that she was a surrogate/gestational carrier for another couple!

That has moved me to the point of tears right now.

You don't hear about people doing that much these days, mainly because it is SOO expensive.

I'll write about surrogate/gestational carrier more on another day.

Just dwell on the love and giving of one woman to another couple.

That is purely amazing.

Good night fur baby...

We lost a beloved fur baby today. "P" has been with us since 2004/2005 (when we got him is a little foggy at the moment). Hubby and I were still in the dating phase but my uncle had rescued him from a boxer rescue. His name was Elmo back then. Someone took him to the rescue after he had been hit by a truck. He was badly malnourished. You could see every single bone in his body and he had a bald spot on his hip from where they put a pin to fix his broken leg. He was a sad sight but still a beautiful dog. My uncle didn't want to keep him after a month because Elmo had some behavioral problems. So we asked if we could have him. We did not live together nor married nor engaged. Soooo how did we think we were going to manage this? Like a divorced couple with kids lol. His mom said P could not spend the night and my dad said P could not be there if I wasn't home so I would drop P off on my way to work and pick him up on my way home. That or my hubby wold bring him by later when he would come over to visit me. We did this until my house was built and I moved to it before we got married (I moved alone btw)
P just needed a lot of work and patience and he stopped tearing any papers to little shreds. He was a really good dog and sooooo awesome with kids. It makes me so sad that I didn't have kids of my own to climb all over him.
We were out of town and on the way to the airport when we got the call from my mil and SIL. My mil just had the loss of her mother a few weeks ago and the hurt is still fresh, I felt so bad that she had to be the one to find him. He's been hurting for a little while now so it is better for him I just feel so bad, he was still our fur baby. Both of our fur babies from before we were married are both resting eternally now :-( we are down to little Z (mini schnauzer) and big boy D (out cat, which we may need to rehome... But I can't bring myself to do that now)

Fur babies are sometimes all we get for comfort in our IF journey. They help us pass the time and help to feed our need to fill that baby void. I'm going to miss P but I know he's not hurting no more...

Curveballs

Life likes to throw curveballs at you regularly.

I'm finally ovulating regularly and have a regular (albeit longer than average) cycle and we are going to have to wait to actually try for awhile.  There are things going on beyond my control.  I can't really talk about it but suffice to say that my hubby isn't in a good place.

Meanwhile, I will continue to work out and eat healthfully and pray.  Not much else I can do.

Late Realization

I didn't even realize when I wrote my entry yesterday, the significance of the CD.

CD 30. To me it is normal and I will probably get to CD 50 before my cycle starts.

But to most normal women, by CD30 they are actually on CD2.

Kinda sucked when that realization hit. I doubt I am pregnant and knowing I didn't get my period makes the realization that I didn't ovulate even worse.

Oh well. Such is the life and the means to achieve what we want!

On a different note... Today's 7pm-7am shift is kicking my butt. It has been a roller coaster since the shift started! Hope you night and work day goes a bit smoother than mine did!

Shannon's Update on CD30

(I'm doing a 7pm-7am shift at a client's house... so while they sleep I just have to stay awake!)

Today is CD30. Last Wednesday, CD24, I called my Dr to find out the result from the progesterone draw (CD19). She said I was in the follicular stage. :/

Kinda disappointing because my OPK test strips have been really dark most of this cycle (pictures to come later).

I asked if she wanted me to go do the draw on CD 26 for the pregnancy hormones or wait a week. They still had me go in.

I don't want to call them about the results yet. I know they have them but I don't want to hear it. This Friday I take the HPT that came in the OPK. Figured I'll see the negative then and then call the doctor to confirm.

Here we go on another round of clomid!

Browsing and Shopping

If you guys are ever in the mood to browse or shop (who isn't?? lol), please feel free to visit my etsy.com shop.

Hopefully there will be something you like or something that you want made.

I would really appreciate the support!

Whammy After Whammy...

So... Apparently it is that time of year.

I think there is always a certain spot in the year when everyone has found the baby dust in the drinking water but I haven't.

Yesterday my SIL's ex-fiancee announced that him and his wife are expecting a baby... ON OUR ANNIVERSARY. (And keep in mind... yesterday was my BIRTHDAY)

TODAY I find out his baby sister (about 21 y.o) is also pregnant with her boyfriend.

I need to figure out where that magic water is... I may need SOMETHING to get me out of this state of shock!

Another Update 22w1d

Well, I had an appointment yesterday 8/9/12, 22w1d, and on the upside the boys are doing well.  However my cervix is shortening and I have been put on bed rest.  I have a 50/50 percent chance of delivering right now.  My cervix is 1.9cm which isn't horrible but it isn't good, if it goes down to 1.5cm I will probably have to be put in the hospital on bed rest.  I go back on Tuesday for a re-check.  We are scared.  Everything besides the OHSS has been going very well.  My doctor's want to keep the boys in there to at least 28 weeks (hopefully) (6 weeks from now- Sept. 19) at 28 weeks they have a 95% chance of survival and developmental issues decrease greatly.  If  they come earlier my doctor said most kids usually do fine, however its not a guarentee, and statistics aren't good.  My best friend gets married tomorrow, unfortunately I will not be able to stand up or attend.  She understands completely but it doesn't make it any easier. 

Please say some extra prayers for us.

Back to Day 18

So today is day 18 which means that tomorrow I go and get blood drawn to check my progesterone levels.

This cycle I have been doing the at home OPK (ovulation predictor kit) like last time. Here is a comparison from last cycle and this cycle (so far):

50mg Clomid Cycle

100mg Clomid Cycle

I did a second test on 8/8 in the afternoon just to see how results varied. Really wish I hadn't forgotten on 8/2 and 8/3 but I only like to use the first urine sample of the day. My temps are still all over the place.

Don't know what to expect about the blood draw for tomorrow and I hate that it will take me almost a week to find out the results!

Clomid Whiplash

So today is Day 18 in my cycle. And man, this dose of clomid is giving me a run for my money!

Today I have been SOOO sluggish. I slept almost 8 hours, even if I was a little sore from working out. Dragged myself out of bed with 3 hours before I had to get ready to go to my first house. I only had 2 today.

Timing at first house wasn't bad, about my average but I was moving slow. Not really because I was sore, but I was just NOT motivated to clean. ANYTHING.

Made a few stops and then heated up my TV dinner at the 2nd house. Ended up wasting time eating and just messing around on my phone. Finally started and my feet were literally DRAGGING across the carpet. Still got done in really good time considering when I actually started though.

I'm home now. Just ate the equivalent of 1/2 a cantelope... Going to finish the kids apron I was working on then get my Bootcamp DVD workout on!

This combined with my crying episode last Friday and my general snappiness this week has been trying. I can't wait til the hubby gets home and we can go to bed!

The only thing this picture is missing is my husband... Then it would be heaven!

God's timing

This post isn't specific to infertility, but its semi related... My mother in law lost her biological mother today. They had a strained relationship. Her mother was orphaned as a child. She was never loved and never learned to love. She was mean and hateful to everyone she knew. (this is what I learned of her from my mil). My husband knew her very little, he met her when he was little and from what he remembers he says she was always nice to him and his little sister. Other than that he never got to know her. I understand not knowing a grandparent and wishing you knew them or had a relationship with them. My grandfather on my dads side died when I was 3 months old. I've always wished I got to know him. Especially now that I'm older I learned we had a lot in common. But this isn't about my lost relationships, this is my MIL's loss.
I know she's been looking for her mom and in April she called her to invite her to visit (she lives in Mexico). She said she had no money so my mil asked where to send money to her to come. Her mom got mad for some unknown reason and that was the last time they spoke (as far as I know). My mil had been wanting to visit her for some time now but never actually made the trip. Now it's too late and I can tell she feels bad about it. Idk how to comfort her, I can only imagine the pain she feels for the words she never said and not going when God was nudging her to go.

God nudges and sometimes pushes us to do something. Take every opportunity to talk to someone you are strained with. If they don't want to meet you halfway you can know you tried. Tell people you love them, do the things you might not be able to do tomorrow.
I can honestly say I felt God nudging me to pursue IVF. I have always been on the fence about it and wondering what God would think of it. I prayed on it, and prayed on it. For a long time too. Every time something wouldn't work I would pray "God, is it time for IVF" and the answer was almost always No. Then after our "break" I prayed after my birthday and God said "yes, but don't rush things. Do things when the doctor tells you, take all your medicine exactly like the doctor tells you, do every test and wait that the doctor tells you." God knows I'm impatient and will rush things if I have any control over it whatsoever. So I said... Ok, let's call the doctor. They wanted me to wait for my next period to call them (I was already on cd3 when I called). I could have been pushy and all "schedule me today" but I said oooookay... Then I go the next period and they said "take these birth control pills we have to run tests on you" ...oooooooooooookaaaaay... Then I almost had to have surgery (which would be 12 more waiting weeks) and I almost cried, I prayed "God, I'll be patient, I don't want surgery but ok" the doctor came back and said, 'no, no surgery!' Oh thank you Jesus

Gods timing is always perfect. It's also definitely not in sync with my clock but I guess it's time to sync up with him.

No matter what He's telling you to do, there's a reason. You never know what tomorrow will bring. Take every opportunity He gives you. It might not always be your end result, but it could just be another trial in your journey. Live.Laugh.Love until your time on earth is done.

-Mrs Red

And Another One Bites the Dust!

Today I was Facebook messaging a friend of mine from high school.

A few months ago she had mentioned that after 2 years of trying they still weren't pregnant. The earliest her doctor could get her in to start infertility diagnosis was July.

I remembered that today so I asked how everything went.

She informed me that they did bloodwork and then checked for cysts but she was clear. That before they start to take clomid they wanted to try GNC's Fertility blend for men and women. And after the first month... She is pregnant! Found out yesterday.

Now 2 things:
1) I'm very happy she is pregnant after trying and waiting so long.
2) I'm sad for myself and my DH. I wish it was easier for me to get pregnant.

I mentioned the fertility blend to the DH and said he could take it too which we gladly pointed out that all his swimmers are more than great and he doesn't need to take anything to help. Lovely. Let's point out even more that this is all my "fault" because MY body is the one not working properly.
So. 

http://www.gnc.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2134276

As much as I want to sit on the couch, veg out, play Sims or something... I think I'm going to get on the treadmill. Because, even though it is tough, being fat seems like something easier to fix than my infertility.

Have any of yal tried this or know somebody that did and was successful?

They Just Wouldn't Stop!!!

Last time I did clomid was spring 2009. I did 50mg and 100mg and then chose to stop because we were moving in with my FML and trying to get a house. Too much stress.

I recently took clomid 100mg and something happened that I can NEVER remember ever happening to me before!
August 3rd, I was in a great mood. Surprisingly because usually the Clomid Witch wants to appear. Husband snapped at something because he was having a bad day, and although he apologized a few times, my morning was ruined.

I got to my first house (I clean houses) and suddenly I couldn't stop crying. I was TRYING to stop because I cry all the time for movies, commercials, etc., but this was for NO REASON. And not just tears trickling down. At one point I was sitting on the edge of the tub just bawling. For no reason. It just wouldn't stop. My mom, who got pregnant with twins on clomid 100mg 16 years ago, told me it was a chemical cleansing and to just let it out.

Needless to say I did and I was SOOO glad the owner wasn't home that day!

What is the craziest thing that fertility meds have done to you??

Ashley Update

I'm sorry I haven't had much of a chance to post/comment.  Things have been crazy at my house and work.
I can't believe its already August 1!  Anyhow between all that, I don't want to "gloat" too much about being pregnant because I know when we were struggling I didn't usually want to read about some one else being pregnant, while I was still trying everything to be! 

So just a little update, the boys are doing very well.  I am 21w0d today and have been feeling them since about 17w3d, my husband has also been able to feel them a couple times for the past couple weeks.  It is the most amazing feeling.  At my appointment last week I was measuring 29 weeks, which is normal for twins, but its funny because everyone who I see tells me I'm tiny for being more than half way for twins!!  I have a long torso so that helps and I don't feel so tiny but I'm enjoying every moment....cuz who knows if this will ever happen again.  We pretty much have the big items for the nursery and my baby shower is in late September.  We are starting a remodel project on our house next week, in hopes that it will be done by the end of September or mid-October at the latest.  So LOTS going on. 
I think of you all often even though I'm not on here posting, blessings!