Showing posts with label grandparent. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grandparent. Show all posts
Friday, March 1, 2013
So much going on, sorry for the crazy emotions
So this week has just been totally awful. Last Friday my husband got hit by a drunk driver and totaled my car. Thank God he is okay. The guy turned right into him, caused him to go left of center and hit another car, then he got spun around and landed in a yard less than a foot away from a gas main. I thank God sooo much for looking out for him. Then Sunday morning, I get a text from my stepmom saying my dad was rushed to the hospital and I text her back telling her I'm on my way and then she texted me back saying he didn't make it, medics said cardiac arrest. So now my whole world is upside down. My dad and I were very close and I was not prepared for this. Tuesday I had to pay 300 dollars to get my car out of the impound and then later that night I get a text saying my grandma (my moms mom) is in the hospital, thinking its a blood clot in the lung. I haven't heard anything back about it so I'm hoping no news is good news. I'm just an emotional wreck right now. I lost my mom when I was 15 and my dad now at 23. I wish so bad I could have given my parents grandchildren. Now when I do have kids, they will never know their grandma or grandpa. I'm having a very hard time with my dads death and I just wish this nightmare was over.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
There is Hope!
I cant believe I haven't posted this yet. I have to constantly remind myself of this daily, but God is faithful. I will one day have an awesome testimony to share =D
So as a human , I'm not perfect but each day I aim to be more what God wants me to be and do what God would have me to do. I often fail but he is so forgiving and he pulls me right back up unto his arms. Anyways sometimes being human, (and female lol), my emotions just get the best of me. I've been scared of the possibility not having a child because of a number of different things. My mom lost a baby to spinobefida, my grandma couldnt have a baby until after she was 30, my sister had miscarriages and lost a baby after birth (this is a complicated story), my aunt had trouble conceiving, alot of my family has endometrosis, my cycles are way out of whack all the time, and much much more (including generational curses, possibility of symptoms of different female problems and more). However I in no way claim any of these, and I speaking healing into these circumstance and I firmly believe and know that I have broke these curses and illness in the name of Jesus. Me being human, I have my flaws. Sometimes its hard for me to sit back and watch all these people get pregnant (especially people who complain about being a mother!) all the time, where I sometimes feel like it would never happen for me. I was feeling really upset back in June and having a hard time dealing with these.This all took place on June 6th, the birthday of my sisters baby who didn't make it, Hannah (keep note of this!) I was praying real hard and God spoke to me to read 1 Samuel. Now I have never been good at memorizing scripture (which I feel horrible for and continue to work on =() So, I didnt know what the story that 1 Samuel held. 1 Samuel is about Hannah (way more than a coincidence!) being barren and she poured her heart out to God. She asked God that if He give her a son, she promised to give Him back to the Lord. God opened her womb and she gave birth to a son, who she called Samuel meaning, "because I asked the Lord for Him". On that same day I also read about how Leah named one of her sons Judah, meaning "she praised the Lord". I felt a huge peace come over me when I read all of this , and I just bawled my eyes out thanking God. I know this was Gods promise to me, that I will one day have a child. The day I have a son, his name will be Judah Samuel I thank God so much for his lovingness,faithfulness,kindess,forgivingness, and so much more. He did not have to save me but he did. He didnt not have to take me back after mistakes, but he did. He did not have to give me a promise of something this big, but he did. He deserves (and always has!) the glory and praise and so much more. Im so not worthy of all of this, but his love is unconditonal with an agape love. Thank you lord for your promises. Thank you for all you do! Remember there is hope. Im standing in faith of my miracle to one day occur. Thank you so much heavenly father!
So as a human , I'm not perfect but each day I aim to be more what God wants me to be and do what God would have me to do. I often fail but he is so forgiving and he pulls me right back up unto his arms. Anyways sometimes being human, (and female lol), my emotions just get the best of me. I've been scared of the possibility not having a child because of a number of different things. My mom lost a baby to spinobefida, my grandma couldnt have a baby until after she was 30, my sister had miscarriages and lost a baby after birth (this is a complicated story), my aunt had trouble conceiving, alot of my family has endometrosis, my cycles are way out of whack all the time, and much much more (including generational curses, possibility of symptoms of different female problems and more). However I in no way claim any of these, and I speaking healing into these circumstance and I firmly believe and know that I have broke these curses and illness in the name of Jesus. Me being human, I have my flaws. Sometimes its hard for me to sit back and watch all these people get pregnant (especially people who complain about being a mother!) all the time, where I sometimes feel like it would never happen for me. I was feeling really upset back in June and having a hard time dealing with these.This all took place on June 6th, the birthday of my sisters baby who didn't make it, Hannah (keep note of this!) I was praying real hard and God spoke to me to read 1 Samuel. Now I have never been good at memorizing scripture (which I feel horrible for and continue to work on =() So, I didnt know what the story that 1 Samuel held. 1 Samuel is about Hannah (way more than a coincidence!) being barren and she poured her heart out to God. She asked God that if He give her a son, she promised to give Him back to the Lord. God opened her womb and she gave birth to a son, who she called Samuel meaning, "because I asked the Lord for Him". On that same day I also read about how Leah named one of her sons Judah, meaning "she praised the Lord". I felt a huge peace come over me when I read all of this , and I just bawled my eyes out thanking God. I know this was Gods promise to me, that I will one day have a child. The day I have a son, his name will be Judah Samuel I thank God so much for his lovingness,faithfulness,kindess,forgivingness, and so much more. He did not have to save me but he did. He didnt not have to take me back after mistakes, but he did. He did not have to give me a promise of something this big, but he did. He deserves (and always has!) the glory and praise and so much more. Im so not worthy of all of this, but his love is unconditonal with an agape love. Thank you lord for your promises. Thank you for all you do! Remember there is hope. Im standing in faith of my miracle to one day occur. Thank you so much heavenly father!
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
God's timing
This post isn't specific to infertility, but its semi related... My mother in law lost her biological mother today. They had a strained relationship. Her mother was orphaned as a child. She was never loved and never learned to love. She was mean and hateful to everyone she knew. (this is what I learned of her from my mil). My husband knew her very little, he met her when he was little and from what he remembers he says she was always nice to him and his little sister. Other than that he never got to know her. I understand not knowing a grandparent and wishing you knew them or had a relationship with them. My grandfather on my dads side died when I was 3 months old. I've always wished I got to know him. Especially now that I'm older I learned we had a lot in common. But this isn't about my lost relationships, this is my MIL's loss.
I know she's been looking for her mom and in April she called her to invite her to visit (she lives in Mexico). She said she had no money so my mil asked where to send money to her to come. Her mom got mad for some unknown reason and that was the last time they spoke (as far as I know). My mil had been wanting to visit her for some time now but never actually made the trip. Now it's too late and I can tell she feels bad about it. Idk how to comfort her, I can only imagine the pain she feels for the words she never said and not going when God was nudging her to go.
God nudges and sometimes pushes us to do something. Take every opportunity to talk to someone you are strained with. If they don't want to meet you halfway you can know you tried. Tell people you love them, do the things you might not be able to do tomorrow.
I can honestly say I felt God nudging me to pursue IVF. I have always been on the fence about it and wondering what God would think of it. I prayed on it, and prayed on it. For a long time too. Every time something wouldn't work I would pray "God, is it time for IVF" and the answer was almost always No. Then after our "break" I prayed after my birthday and God said "yes, but don't rush things. Do things when the doctor tells you, take all your medicine exactly like the doctor tells you, do every test and wait that the doctor tells you." God knows I'm impatient and will rush things if I have any control over it whatsoever. So I said... Ok, let's call the doctor. They wanted me to wait for my next period to call them (I was already on cd3 when I called). I could have been pushy and all "schedule me today" but I said oooookay... Then I go the next period and they said "take these birth control pills we have to run tests on you" ...oooooooooooookaaaaay... Then I almost had to have surgery (which would be 12 more waiting weeks) and I almost cried, I prayed "God, I'll be patient, I don't want surgery but ok" the doctor came back and said, 'no, no surgery!' Oh thank you Jesus
Gods timing is always perfect. It's also definitely not in sync with my clock but I guess it's time to sync up with him.
No matter what He's telling you to do, there's a reason. You never know what tomorrow will bring. Take every opportunity He gives you. It might not always be your end result, but it could just be another trial in your journey. Live.Laugh.Love until your time on earth is done.
-Mrs Red
I know she's been looking for her mom and in April she called her to invite her to visit (she lives in Mexico). She said she had no money so my mil asked where to send money to her to come. Her mom got mad for some unknown reason and that was the last time they spoke (as far as I know). My mil had been wanting to visit her for some time now but never actually made the trip. Now it's too late and I can tell she feels bad about it. Idk how to comfort her, I can only imagine the pain she feels for the words she never said and not going when God was nudging her to go.
God nudges and sometimes pushes us to do something. Take every opportunity to talk to someone you are strained with. If they don't want to meet you halfway you can know you tried. Tell people you love them, do the things you might not be able to do tomorrow.
I can honestly say I felt God nudging me to pursue IVF. I have always been on the fence about it and wondering what God would think of it. I prayed on it, and prayed on it. For a long time too. Every time something wouldn't work I would pray "God, is it time for IVF" and the answer was almost always No. Then after our "break" I prayed after my birthday and God said "yes, but don't rush things. Do things when the doctor tells you, take all your medicine exactly like the doctor tells you, do every test and wait that the doctor tells you." God knows I'm impatient and will rush things if I have any control over it whatsoever. So I said... Ok, let's call the doctor. They wanted me to wait for my next period to call them (I was already on cd3 when I called). I could have been pushy and all "schedule me today" but I said oooookay... Then I go the next period and they said "take these birth control pills we have to run tests on you" ...oooooooooooookaaaaay... Then I almost had to have surgery (which would be 12 more waiting weeks) and I almost cried, I prayed "God, I'll be patient, I don't want surgery but ok" the doctor came back and said, 'no, no surgery!' Oh thank you Jesus
Gods timing is always perfect. It's also definitely not in sync with my clock but I guess it's time to sync up with him.
No matter what He's telling you to do, there's a reason. You never know what tomorrow will bring. Take every opportunity He gives you. It might not always be your end result, but it could just be another trial in your journey. Live.Laugh.Love until your time on earth is done.
-Mrs Red
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Oldest child, parents eager for grandchildren...
My parents can't WAIT to be grandparents. They had hopes that we'd be pregnant as soon as we got back from the honeymoon... Much to everyone's disappointment 5 years later, my parents still don't have any grandchildren... Well my brothers gf has a 5 year old and I swear my mom acts like its her new granddaughter. They even bought her a swing set! And if you haven't priced those lately... Whoooo doggy, it's extravagant for your son's GIRLFRIEND's child. But whatev... Then school was starting and they bought her a bunch of school clothes and supplies and around the same time, my mom was suddenly too busy for anything to do with me. I don't think she realizes it but it really hurts me. Every time I call all I get is "I'm busy, what's up?" or "I'm ::doing something:: with/for your brother/his gf, do u need something?" or "your dad just got home I'll call you later" or the greatest "your brother/dad is calling I'll call you back".
I know they want to be grandparents and I'm sorry my body doesn't work the way it should but seriously? This girl is not our family, she is not my brothers child, they are not her grandparents. My mom has a picture of her on her desk at work. And Super Bowl Sunday she made a side comment about how she misses her. I feel like I don't care anymore to her. And I don't know how to tell her how I feel. So I'll just sit here and cry about it because I don't have anything else I can do about it.
-MrsRed
I know they want to be grandparents and I'm sorry my body doesn't work the way it should but seriously? This girl is not our family, she is not my brothers child, they are not her grandparents. My mom has a picture of her on her desk at work. And Super Bowl Sunday she made a side comment about how she misses her. I feel like I don't care anymore to her. And I don't know how to tell her how I feel. So I'll just sit here and cry about it because I don't have anything else I can do about it.
-MrsRed
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