Farewell Post

Hey everyone!

This is my farewell post…I’m sad to be “retiring” as an author but I will be back to make some guest posts once the baby comes.

As most of you know, in April we found out that we were expecting and it was a complete shock. My sister had just lost her baby and we were all so stressed out and my husband and I had only DTD ONE time that cycle. I never expected to fall pregnant that month. I really think it happened because of God and the fact that the month before I had the HSG done to check my tubes for any blockages and I think it just cleared out my tubes. I am so grateful for the blessings that have come to us over the past 5 months. We’ve also just moved and are trying to get settled in before December! We find out on July 31^st if it is a boy or a girl and I will be very content either way.

I pray for all of you ladies everyday and I know that it is only a matter of time until you all become THE GREATEST mommies. I know there’s nothing I can say to really help because I’ve totally been there. I wish you call the best of luck and please know that you can always find me on Facebook and message me ANYTIME you’d like/need to talk to someone.

Hugs and Love to all of you strong, beautiful women!

Molly

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Dr. Luck = Lucky???

Hi guys!

I know the blog has been kinda lacking on posts lately. Sometimes it is hard to try a new topic to write about, especially when you aren't going through treatments.

But...

I hope to start actively trying soon! I have an appointment early August with Dr. Luck (Mansfield, Texas). I picked her for her credentials and also hoping that she will be my lucky charm :o)

Other than that, not much to report.  We will be making some changes with blog design and hopefully adding some more authors!!! Keep an eye out for an application form!

In June a family member announced her pregnancy. Unfortunately she miscarried shortly after. Today I just found out that the mother of my Goddaughter is pregnant again!

Hope are you guys doing???

~Shannon

Special Guest Saturday: Candi

Sometimes love just isn't enough....

They say it is better to have loved and lost to never have loved at all.  I’m guessing whoever "they" is that thought they were so clever to say this never dealt with infertility or the loss that occurs when you lose a child.  I suppose that person has never gone from a place of extreme happiness to an all-time low.  And I suppose that person has never had to tell your husband who you have been ttc with for 12 years that you just experienced a chemical pregnancy aka miscarriage.  Some say it may be better to have loved and lost, but I disagree.  

We lost so much in that 5 minute phone call that we’ll never get back.  I never got to know what it feels like to feel our child(ren) grow inside me.  We never got to hear a heartbeat or wonder if we should buy pink or blue.  We never got to hold our child for the first time and count all their fingers and toes, wipe their tears, kiss their sweet head.  We never got to see a first step, hear a first word, bandage a boo-boo, mend a broken heart from their first love, celebrate a birthday or Christmas, shop for the prom, buy a first car, teach right from wrong, be proud at graduation, walk her down the aisle at her wedding or calm his nervous when he says he’s ready to propose.  We never got to see them rejoice when they purchase their first house or tell us they are pregnant and we will be grandparents.  We lost so much before we even had a chance to show our love.

We had only just found out we were pregnant 2 days prior but I already loved that baby with my whole heart and would have done anything to protect them.  We wanted that pregnancy more than anything in the world.  Our dreams were finally coming true and our prayers were answered.  I fell so deep in love with my baby(ies) the moment I heard “you’re pregnant” from my re’s office that my heart shattered in a million pieces when I was told it was over.  “This is some cruel joke” I remember saying.  2 months later and my heart still hurts from the loss.  After 12 years of ttc I had come to terms that I was part of the statistic of Infertility; part of the 7.3 million suffering daily.  I thought we had overcome infertility when we received our positive news.  I don’t know how to come to terms nor do I want to with the statistic of being part of the 20% of pregnancies that end in a miscarriage. Or become part of a group that has lost a baby to a chemical pregnancy which is so common almost 60% of first pregnancies that end like this.  We may never know the reason why our baby didn't survive.  I guess sometimes love just isn't enough to hold on to your miracle, no matter how much you try.   

All I have ever wanted was to be a mom; to have someone love me and depend on me; to give my husband a family.  It is an awful feeling when you find out that you can’t make your dreams a reality or when your reality is broken.  We have traveled the infertility road so long that I never thought there was anything that could hurt more.  Boy was I wrong!  We are now part of the group that has fought, won, loved and lost our miracle.  This pain hurts every day even when I try to push it away.  Just because I smile doesn’t mean I don’t ache.  Just because I laugh doesn’t mean I’m not crying inside.  Just because I love doesn’t mean my heart isn’t still broken.  We should be 3 months along right now.  Embracing all the changes, dealing with morning sickness, sneaking purchases of baby items when we still don’t know the sex(es).  I should be aggravating my husband with my cravings and needs.  However instead of everything we looked forward to, we are learning to survive and move on. 

We are currently on a break after this loss and another failed IUI.  We need some time for us and to prepare for another try.  We’ll try again one more time down the road because we don’t feel our time is done. I share all this with you not for you to feel sad or sorry for us, Lord knows I do that enough as it is, but to just keep the good thoughts, prayers and baby dust flowing our direction.  If you’re a mom or dad, hold your little one a bit tighter and be thankful for what you have.  Never take it for granted.  Love your miracles unconditionally because I know a group of at least 1,400 people out here suffering with infertility that would give it all to have that miracle. 

~*~*~I'm praying daily for every empty arm and broken heart.  ~*~*~

To follow Candi on her journey, please subscribe to her blog at

http://mylifedealingwithinfertility.blogspot.com/?m=1

Announcing the June 2013 Giveaway!!!

We have new giveaway starting now! It will run until June 30, 2013 at 11:59PM Central.

The goal: to get 300 likes on our Facebook page before the giveaway expires.

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How to enter?? Visit the page at the top labeled "June 2013 Giveaway" and fill out the entry form!

If we reach 300 likes, one lucky entrant will be randomly selected to receive this beautiful necklace!

Want to increase your odds???? Make sure to like us on Facebook and follow the blog!

Guest post: Cherish's Journey

DH and I meet at work while in our 30’s. We dated a year, were engaged for a year, and we waited a year to start TTC. When I was 34 we started TTC. My OBGYN said it could take a few months to a year. Well, we got lucky on the first try. That October we got our ANGEL!!! DS is now 6! Well, we decided to TTC for the 2nd kiddo when DS was about 3. I went in to my Wonderful OBGYN and said “Want a little girl born in the spring!” She laughed. I was confused and SERIOUS when I said; we got a boy born in the fall. What’s the problem? Well after a couple rounds of Clomid, she sent me to HER RE. I did some research and Dr. Chantilis is one of the BEST in Texas. His staff is SO nice! I was in love with him! Our first appointment was very promising. He did some tests, did a sono and told us that he would have us pregnant in a matter of months. He would be surprised if it would take more than 3. Wellllllllll. We did Clomid and trigger shots and NOTHING happened. He did more blood work. He had already diagnosed me with PCOS. The tests came back NOT good. He said we might not be able to get pregnant and might consider using an egg donor. I told him he was crazy. We tried some other medicines and then he ran more tests. I don’t remember the details or the Medical jargon but the tests were I had Pre-Ovarian Failure. My results were extremely high. One was Off the chart. Seriously were NOT even Registering! I was BROKEN!! The problem was ALL ME! I curled up for 2 days and cried. DH was so supportive. My sister was visiting and she and DH took care of me and DS. A few weeks later we decided to go the egg donor route. So we decided on one!! She was awesome!! THEN someone we knew had a pregnant friend come to her considering putting her babies (that’s right, twins. Boy and Girl TWINS!) up for adoption. We put the egg donor on hold. Plus it was around Thanksgiving and the holidays were hard enough as it was. Well, she kept the babies and then our egg donor got pregnant. We were back to square one. We found another egg donor and proceeded! March was the Time! The egg donor did GREAT. We ended up with THREE embryos. We transferred 2 and got pregnant. I was Pregnant on my 40th Birthday! I was SO HAPPY!!!! THEN on week 6, I had a miscarriage. We lost the baby. I was heartbroken. We still had one viable embryo. We had nothing to lose. That didn’t take. We had to take out a HUGE loan (that we are still paying on) and no baby. If I EVER have to pee on another stick I will probably go Postal! The heartbreak EACH time of seeing the negative result, the years of trying and not getting pregnant and the loss of the baby I only had for a few weeks is was the hardest thing I have ever lived thru. THEN we fell in love with a little baby boy............................. A WHOLE new roller coaster ride in a different park! ADOPTION!!

Fertile/Infertile Fridays: A whole list of randomness

            Okay, to those who saw my emotional breakdown last night over yet ANOTHER pregnancy announcement, I am truly sorry. Some days or nights it gets to me more than others, last night was one of those nights. Perhaps its because she has had 3 different boyfriends in the last six months. Or perhaps its because I'm super hormonal and emotional...which brings me to my next topic.
            So I'm somewhat thinking since I decided to take this month off of the BC since I got it so late, I think even going off it for this month may have screwed up regulating my cycles already. The last couple months while I was on it, my periods ranged from 28 to 30 days. Although maybe its too soon to tell. Its only CD 32 so no need to freak out about I guess. Theres a very very very very very slimmer of hope that I have that this time could me that magical month...but...realistically I know not to think that. I'm just so worried about messing this all up (regulating my cycles) when I don't even want be on birth control in the first place. Maybe since my emotions are so out of whack its means AF will be here soon. Idk. I am really thinking about telling the doctor I don't want to do the BC anyways, but Im not sure. On one hand I feel like its pointless, on the other hand I see his point on wanting to try and regulate my cycles. Hopefully if I do the juicing like Steph suggested in the previous blog (Thanks Steph!), then maybe I will be able to at least get somewhere. That's another thing, this dieting and exercising has gone absolutely nowhere for me, in fact I'm GAINING weight. Ugh, so needless to say I think I need to try a different approach. So, I am really thankful for Steph's advice and suggestions. Thanks so much!
           Okay, so maybe this next topic will make some people angry and I'm really sorry if it does. However, I am so sick of not knowing what I want to do with my life, its probably so stupid and retarded that I have been ttc for so long way before I even knew what I want to do like career wise. I have tried to do like career aptitude tests and things like that. I still have no clue. People ask me what I have always pictured myself doing and other than being a mother I have no idea. Being a stay at home mom is out of the question though whenever I am able to have children. So hopefully I will figure all this out soon. I just feel like my life is so ridiculously out of place and I don't feel like I know how to get control of it. I keep praying for God to direct my path. I hope I figure out what to do soon though. I feel at a loss as of right now. It makes me feel so unsuccessful and like I have nothing to show for myself and that I'm lazy or something. It's not that I don't want to do anything with my life, I'm just scared to go to college and have debts of student loans and not even finish school because I change my mind or something.  Has anyone else battled this? What did you do to solve it? I need some help lol.

Oh one other topic really quick, is it weird for me to not want to talk to my husband about my emotions through this infertility/PCOS journey? Its not that I'm concerned about his feelings. Its just, I don't feel he understands and I just annoy him with my emotions about it. I'm conflicted about whether to tell him how I feel when I am hurting. Yes I do long for his support, however I just know how he is, and I just really think I would get on his nerves which would make the situation worse for both of us.
Oh I lied, one more topic. I am SOOO not ready for next month. I wish I could skip the whole freaking month all together. Number one: the dreaded mothers day (my heart sank just typing that). Number two: I am invited to like 3 baby showers as of right now for May. Number 3: May 21st marks 8 years since my mother has passed away. She passed away when I was 15.As several of you know, my father passed away in late February this year as well. I hate how doom and gloom I can be, and I am sooo sorry to vent about it. It's just hard. I'm now parentless and childish and not even that close to 30. Oh well, things could be worse. I know God has a plan, I just wish I knew how to control my emotions better. Oh June is a stupid month too now that I think about it. I lost my niece 7 years ago this June (my poor sister, idk how she did it, losing her mother and daughter within 12 months and 2weeks of each other. She is a strong woman indeed), and of course fathers day is in June, and the birthday of mine and my husbands best friend/brother in law that we lost in December of 11 to a drunk driver. So yeah May and June...not looking forward to those. Can't we just skip to July? lol I'm jk. Okay for real, I am so sorry for that Debbie Downer moment just there. I probably look like the most depressed person ever, but I promise I'm not.
Well I'm off to get ready to have a night out with one of my best friends. After I night like last night, I really need it. I hope everything is going well for everyone else. Have a great weekend everyone!-Sheila

Ashley's Update

Hey everyone, I'm so sorry I've been so out of touch.  Life has been very busy with the boys and going back to work.  However, even though I haven't been posting doesn't mean I'm not reading or thinking about you all.  As dates went by in February, March and now April, it brings me back to the huge milestones in the past 3 years, especially last year going through IVF.  I think another reason I've backed off (besides not having much time) is I remember like it was yesterday how I felt about hearing about others who had babies and I didn't.  So I know there is nothing I can say or do to make each of your situations better.  All I can try to do is give you hope and advice if you want it.  I don't want to rub it in anyone's face that I got pregnant and have two babies.  I just want to support everyone and help as I'm needed.  I know I'll always have bitter feelings towards those who take getting pregnant for granted, however it's a hard place to be in because I'm not in the same position as I was before I got pregnant.  For the first time in over 3 years I feel happy, complete and back to my old self.  I told my husband a few weeks ago - I never, ever want to feel that way again.  Meaning those two LONG years of active treatments every months with multiple doctors visits monthly, were by far the worst years of my life.  But it was truly worth every single tear and angry moment I went through.  I am here for you all, praying every moment.

I am also sad to say my very best friend who's wedding I didn't get to stand up in, in August because I was put on bed rest two days before, was diagnosed with PCOS in January.  She is still in the early stages of all the works, but it just brings back all of my bad memories that I hope she doesn't have to go through.

Bless you all and baby dust 2013 is the year :) 

Wonder Wednesday: weight loss with PCOS

Exercising sucks because its better to do with a friend but when your friend loses a ton of weight and you only manage to lose water weight and/or gain weight, it sucks. Then diets don't work... What's a girl to do?! When I first went to an Obgyn for pcos he prescribed me weight loss pills, I think it was fenedrin? Something like that. Those worked! But as soon as I stopped taking them the weight would just pile on fast. Also, you can't try to get pregnant taking it, oh and it messes with your heart. So I don't recommend that.
Next I tried weight watchers. That worked for a little while but I couldn't get past 12 lbs! Grrr... Even adding exercise, it never really worked for me. Not to toot my own horn but for my size I'm in pretty decent cardio health and flexible. I can drop it like its hot and get back up with no prob lol. But I'm a big girl. People forget that I can run, bike, and walk for long periods of time. So obviously exercising doesn't really work that well for weight loss for me. Although running works the best for me.
A little over a year ago my hubby and I saw a documentary called fat sick and nearly dead. It was about a guy who was sick of taking medicines to mask his ailments. He went to basics of fruits and veggies to see if they could heal him. After that documentary I was curious about seeing if it would help my pcos. We researched a lot and decided to start juicing. We would make a morning juice for breakfast to get used to it. Then we bought an actual juicer and started a juice fast. We would have a juice for breakfast, morning snack, lunch, and afternoon snack. For dinner we would have organic non GMO healthy meal and focused on whole grains. Within 2 weeks my period started. I thought it was a fluke and carried on... 28 days later, it came again... This happened December, January, February, March, and April. I was also taking Maca supplement in conjunction with juicing. We used a book by Elaine LaLaine called Total Juicing for recipes or just inspiration for juices. We juiced mainly parsley, kale, collard greens and spinach, along with good fruits. I lost weight during this time but did not keep track of how much. If I had to guess it was around 25 lbs. I wasn't exercising at all even though I probably should have been. It was amazing how much energy I had and my skin started to clear up. I tracked one month and didn't ovulate but it regulated my period so I'm thinking it may have started to work if I had given it more time but we were at our year mark to do ivf and so I went in and did that. I really think that those months of juicing prepared my body for the ivf and it took! Would it have worked without the juicing? Maybe but I'll never know.
I'll share some of my juicing recipes on this blog when I find my recipe book that I scribbled "winners" in.

Mrs Red